“I think it’s wonderful–love at first sight,” Alice exclaims with youthful longing as Millie and Adam stand before the parson to be wed in the classic musical “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.” Adam and Millie had known each other for barely an afternoon.
Love at first sight is a thing of dreams, of romance novels and chick flicks.
Love at last sight is an art that requires hard work.
Or so Kerry and Chris Shook posit in their book Love at Last Sight.
I was initially drawn to this book when I read that it was not just about romantic relationships, but about all relationships. I’m somewhat of a lone ranger and I think relationship skills are one of my hugest weaknesses. So I was excited to have a chance to learn some valuable information about building lasting relationships.
What I didn’t bargain on was that the book would assume that you already have some pretty deep long-ish term relationships. In the opening chapter, the authors ask the reader to think of three “key” relationships:
“Now I’m not talking about business acquaintances, casual or distant friends, fourth or fifth cousins. We all have a lot of relationships in our lives–maybe too many–but quite frankly, not all are created equal.”
The problem is, I had a hard time coming up with three “key” relationships–which meant that I also had a hard time following the “30 challenge” aspect of the book.
Because this book is set up to be read in 30 days: 1 short chapter every day. At the end of each chapter, there are questions to journal about and challenges to take to help deepen your closest relationships.
I think this format is likely fantastic for people who can automatically think of at least one or two close relationships that they want to strengthen. The book is divided into four weeks, each with their own theme:
- Week 1: The Art of Being All There
- Week 2: The Art of Acting Intentionally
- Week 3: The Art of Risking Awkwardness
- Week 4: The Art of Letting Go
To be honest, the writing style in this book reminded me of the relevant-fluff preaching style of many of modern evangelical pastor–which I suppose isn’t really surprising since Kerry (and Chris?–I couldn’t tell if she calls herself a pastor too) is a modern evangelical pastor.
The information is good–and I found some of it quite useful on various occasions (even though I didn’t do the whole “program” as it was intended). For someone who can easily identify their own “key relationships”, I’m sure this book will be even more useful.
A few examples of the Shook’s writing style (and things that stuck out to me):
“The truth of the matter is that being all there is not very efficient….If you’re the type of person who tries to make every minute and second of your waking hours productive, then the relationship work of stopping, focusing on another person, and giving them your time and attention will feel uncomfortable and even wasteful. But if you long for a friendship or marriage where you can share rich memories, secret dreams, and bellyaching laughter, you need to know that this is what it takes. Being fully focused in your relationships isn’t efficient, but here’s the great news: it’s stunningly effective.”
~page 26
“The most important thing to remember in planning activities to implement your vision is that they must be steps into another person’s world. Many people want to be closer to someone in their life, but they’re not willing to move out of their own comfort zone and into the other person’s world to engage in something that person would enjoy.”
~page 86
“First, if you’re the one going through the in-between, you may think, I don’t have much faith, so it’s hard for me to see that I’ll ever be out of this place. Jesus taught us that it’s not the amount of your faith but the object of your faith that matters.”
~page 107
Rating: 3 stars
Category: Relationships
Synopsis:A 30 day program to enrich your closest relationships.
Recommendation: Nothing particularly profound, but I have little doubt that when used as intended (working through day by day with your “key relationships” in mind), this could be life-changing.
**I received this book as part of WaterBrook Multnomah’s Blogging for Books Program. Apart from the free copy of this book, I have received no compensation for my review. All opinions expressed are my own.**
I’m not a fan of fluff, but the advice in those excerpts is good. One of the things I have the hardest time with is stepping out of my own thoughts and plans to listen to or do something with someone else, even after all these years.