{"id":11948,"date":"2013-10-29T20:57:50","date_gmt":"2013-10-30T01:57:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/?p=11948"},"modified":"2013-10-29T20:57:50","modified_gmt":"2013-10-30T01:57:50","slug":"i-am-not-always-like-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/2013\/20131029-11948.htm","title":{"rendered":"I am not ALWAYS like this"},"content":{"rendered":"

Just when it seems like I might be managing better, I crash.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Just when I feel like I’m actually happy<\/i> some of the time–then I cry for two hours in the morning and barely make it through work and am sad all weekend long when I should be happy and I wake up sad every morning afterward and don’t get anything accomplished at all.<\/p>\n

It’s then that I start to think the self-defeating thought that I’ll never get over this, that depression will always be my life, that depression will make me a failure as a wife, as a homemaker, someday as a mother (“Infants of depressed mothers, although competent learners, fail to learn in response to their own mother’s infant-directed speech.” From a reference at ParentingScience.com<\/a>).<\/p>\n

So, just for the record, I’m going to make some notes from today to prove to future self-defeating Rebekah that even when I’m depressed<\/i> I am not ALWAYS like that.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I do not ALWAYS stay in bed…this morning I got up and took a shower and went to work.<\/p>\n

I do not ALWAYS forget to make appointments while the doctor’s office is open…today I called not once but three times during regular business hours to make and reschedule an appointment.<\/p>\n

I do not ALWAYS cry between clients at work…today I moved straight from client to client for almost four hours without a single break for crying.<\/p>\n

I do not ALWAYS crawl into bed and play sudoku on my phone during lunch break…today I hung some laundry, folded a load, and started a new load.<\/p>\n

I do not ALWAYS leave my husband to either make something himself or eat cereal in evenings after tough days at work…today I made him supper before class, even though it’s a Tuesday.<\/p>\n

I do not ALWAYS not get up again once I’ve sat down in the evening…tonight I got back up and washed dishes, swept the floor, changed the bedsheets, hung another load of laundry, and put away the rest of the laundry. <\/p>\n

I do not ALWAYS let the dishes pile up…today I cleaned all the dishes I made today plus a few extra.<\/p>\n

I doubt many days will be as productive as today.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some days I will stay in bed far longer than I wish I had. Some days I will forget to make a doctor’s appointment during business hours and will have to wait until the next day–and then the next and the next. Some days I will cry between clients at work. Some days I will crawl into bed and play sudoku on my phone during lunch break. Some days I will leave my husband to either make something himself or eat cereal in evenings after tough days at work. Some days I will not get up again once I’ve sat down in the evening. Some days I will let the dishes pile up.<\/p>\n

But not ALWAYS.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Instead, another always should fill my heart.<\/p>\n

In those days, I must remember that Jesus has promised: “…behold, I am with you ALWAYS, to the end of the age.” (Matt 28:20 ESV)<\/p>\n

In those days, I must remember that in Jesus, it is ALWAYS “Yes” and I must utter “Amen” (II Cor 1:19-20 ESV).<\/p>\n

In those days, I must remember that in Christ God “ALWAYS leads us
\nin triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere.” (II Cor 2:14 ESV)<\/p>\n

In those days, I must remember that Christ, my High Priest, “ALWAYS lives to make intercession for [me].” (Heb 7:25 ESV)<\/p>\n

And, in response, I must “rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS.” (Phil 4:4 ESV)
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Just when it seems like I might be managing better, I crash. Just when I feel like I’m actually happy some of the time–then I cry for two hours in the morning and barely make it through work and am sad all weekend long when I should be happy and I wake up sad every … Read more I am not ALWAYS like this<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11948"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11948"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11948\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11952,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11948\/revisions\/11952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}