{"id":4943,"date":"2010-09-15T07:14:35","date_gmt":"2010-09-15T12:14:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/?p=4943"},"modified":"2010-09-15T07:14:35","modified_gmt":"2010-09-15T12:14:35","slug":"i-bite-my-tongue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/2010\/20100915-4943.htm","title":{"rendered":"I Bite My Tongue"},"content":{"rendered":"

Every day, I bite my tongue<\/strong>–er, still my fingers on the keyboard.<\/p>\n

I desperately want to make snarky comments, to express my frustration, to let the world know how I feel.<\/p>\n

They’re thinly veiled criticisms, one-liners that would be sure to meet their mark.<\/p>\n

They refer to personal habits, individual quirks, things that drive me absolutely nuts.<\/p>\n

Things about people I love.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Things that would hurt them deeply were I to speak.<\/p>\n

Every day, I bite my tongue.<\/p>\n

But not because I love them.<\/p>\n

I bite my tongue because I love me<\/i>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I don’t want to disturb the peace, to have to actually deal with the issues–the issues that I know aren’t really that important but which bug me anyway.<\/p>\n

I don’t want to have to undo the hurt I’ve caused.<\/p>\n

Mostly, I don’t want people to see the real, ugly me.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If I said those words out loud, you’d all know how mean, how nasty, how spiteful I can actually be. And I don’t want you to know.<\/p>\n

I want you to see me through rose-colored glasses. I want you to perceive me as super-spiritual, practically-perfect. Sure, I’ll share my struggles, so long as they’re big existential struggles (and I have plenty of those to keep blog space filled, it seems.) But I don’t want you to see my pettiness, my unlovingness.<\/p>\n

I bite my tongue.<\/p>\n

I do the right thing.<\/p>\n

But not because I love.<\/p>\n

Because I care what people think.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Every day, I bite my tongue–er, still my fingers on the keyboard. I desperately want to make snarky comments, to express my frustration, to let the world know how I feel. They’re thinly veiled criticisms, one-liners that would be sure to meet their mark. They refer to personal habits, individual quirks, things that drive me … Read more I Bite My Tongue<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0},"categories":[21],"tags":[719,834,966],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4943"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4943"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4943\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4943"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4943"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/bekahcubed.menterz.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4943"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}