In Which Words Fall Short

Our culture has a dozen different terms, euphemisms really, for a romantic relationship between a man and a woman.

There are “dates”–scheduled encounters–and there’s “dating”–which implies that one regularly makes dates with the same person.

There is “courting”, where a man pays court to a woman, visiting her for the purpose of wooing and admiring.

There’s the less formal and even more euphemistic “seeing one another”, describing not so much physical sight as the growing intimacy between the two.

“Going out” implies dates, and adds an element of interaction with one another in public (as opposed to staying in.)

In modern parlance, the above have often been replaced by the nebulous term “in a relationship”, which I’m very much not a fan of.

When we speak of the individuals involved in dating/courting/seeing one another/going out, we use terms like “girlfriend”, “boyfriend”, or “significant other.”

Yet none of these words that we use for romantic relationships quite match reality.

A “date” describes one part of this interaction–scheduling a phone call or an outing in which to spend time together. “Dating” describes the relationship between two people who routinely do this. But “date” and “dating” fails to describe the changing orientation of hearts, the spontaneous connections this changing orientation engenders.

“Courting” describes a man’s pursuit of a woman and her positive response to that pursuit–but today’s use of courting carries with it baggage of legalism and arranged marriage.

“Seeing one another” is so vague as to be pointless. And “going out” is pretty narrow. “In a relationship” is just terrible.

Likewise, the terms used to describe the participants in this dance are less than satisfactory. “Boyfriend” and “girlfriend” make sense for a teenage romance, where boys and girls develop attachments to the opposite sex. But the terms seem silly and trite when attached to a man or a woman purposefully engaged in a romantic relationship.

“Significant other” says something of the value one person places on another within a romantic relationship, but is laden with political correctness that the socially conservative (such as myself) find distasteful–since “significant other” is often used to avoid offending those who act married but are not and those who engage in romantic relationships with the same sex.

In a confused world, where interactions between men and women, especially romantic relationships are contorted beyond belief, there are no satisfactory words to describe this.

How do I describe how this man pursues me? How do I describe how I respond to his pursuit?

How do I describe the joy I experience when we talk, when we text, when we e-mail back and forth?

How do I describe the planned encounters, the unplanned, the turning of our hearts from side-by-side to face-to-face?

How do I describe this man, who is a friend but far more than a friend?

I try on each one for size. We try them on and are dissatisfied with several.

Words fall short.

Each contains a piece of what this is, where we are. None fully expresses it.

So even as I stumble over words to describe to others exactly what he means to me and I to him, even as I struggle to explain where we’re at and where we see ourselves going, let me officially declare:

I am being pursued by a wonderful man, a man who loves Jesus and honors me, a man whose mind boggles me and whose honesty humbles me. I am delighted to welcome his pursuit and, however feebly, to respond to his leadership.

Shall I call him my boyfriend, my significant other, my friend? I may use all three in different contexts.

But maybe I’ll just call him by name–and delight that God has seen fit to bring Daniel and I to this place, so hard to describe.