Did I just… !?!

This is the next installment in a rather long series about how Daniel and I met–and have become engaged. Click on the “Our Story” tag for context.

Having turned in way too late the night before, I overslept Wednesday morning, waking up less than an hour before my flight out of Philadelphia was scheduled to leave.

I hastily threw my belongings into my bags, hoping against all hope that the airlines wouldn’t complain that I was now carrying THREE carry-ons. Then I rushed downstairs to the hotel lobby, hoping against all hope that I’d have a way to make it to the airport, since I’d already missed the scheduled shuttle.

Hoping against all hope, my hopes were met.

The shuttle had just returned and the driver coming up the walk turned right around to take me back. I whipped through security with no difficulties (except the obligatory pat-down–of course!) and got onto the plane with my three carry-ons.

At last, I was buckled in and had a chance to process.

I was getting married.

We’d decided so the night before.

It was for real.

Really.

I rehashed the events of the night in my mind and ended with a terrible thought.

Oh my goodness! Did I just…

I’d told Daniel that it was better to marry than to burn.

Did I just…

I don’t think I did… I think I… But maybe I did…

I don’t know.

Did I just coerce Daniel into marrying me?

The flight was en route, I’d be in the air or on tight connections for the next several hours. I couldn’t answer the burning question.

I was excited, thrilled to be marrying Daniel–I was terrified that I was rushing him, coercing him into doing something against his will.

I had no way of contacting him, of reassuring myself. I had no opportunity to call. I couldn’t ask my questions in between flights via text. How can one ask the questions that were racing through my mind? Surely they couldn’t fit in 160 characters.

My text was simple. “Can we talk sometime before you have class tonight?”

He agreed. He would call me between work and class, when I should be on the road heading back to Columbus from Kansas City.

I continued my travels, brooding into my notebook, alternately dreaming of marrying him and hyperventilating that he might have changed his mind–might not have actually had that in mind until I’d pushed him.

His sister-in-law met me at the airport. I chatted with his nephew and nieces, gave them the stickers I’d picked up for them at the Expo. E loaned me his water bottle for my drive home–I’d be able to return it at the family Thanksgiving only a couple of months later. My belly continued to churn.

Did I just… !?!

At last, Daniel called. He didn’t have much time between work and class. Furthermore, he still had some homework to work on, what with being up so late with me the night before.

I poured out my concerns. Had I forced his hand? Had I rushed him? Did he really want to marry me?

He assured me I had not.

I had not.

He really wanted to marry me.

We were getting married in just 5 more months.