Today I’m thankful for God, who brings His word to my remembrance, and who faithfully pursues me, even when I run to another.
A little less than a week ago, I wrote of my silent cry–the ache, the request within my soul that I can’t articulate. I was working on a sewing project with a lump (size large) in my throat and tears bottled inside, refusing to overflow. I worked for an hour, maybe more, with no thought in my head except that one inarticulate cry.
Then one verse popped into my head–a verse I had memorized many long years ago (in a different translation than I currently use). “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”
The verse rolled over and over in my mind, combining with the cry. I continued on with my work, moving seamlessly (ha-ha!) from sewing to organizing.
Then another thought arose and sought prominence. “You should check out the context of that.”
“Okay,” I thought. “I’ll check it once I’m done folding this laundry.”
“No, I think you should check it out now.”
Reluctantly, I put down my work. I’ve taken such comfort in my work, staying busy as a means of enjoyment–yes–but also as a means of avoidance. As long as I was working, I didn’t have to process that cry. The pain I was experiencing couldn’t cripple me unless I stopped. But I feared that if I were to stop, I’d never be able to start again.
But now, I needed to stop, needed to put aside my laundry and look up that verse.
“Woe to the rebellious children,” says the Lord,
“Who take counsel, but not of Me,
And who devise plans, but not of My Spirit,
That they may add sin to sin;
Who walk to go down to Egypt,
And have not asked My advice,
To strengthen themselves in the strength of Pharoah,
And to trust in the shadow of Egypt!”
Isaiah 30:1-2
In light of my recent struggles, I’d devised my plans. I’d figured out how I was going to get through them. I was going to keep busy. I was going to distract myself. I was going to push through despite my lack of heart.
I took counsel, of a sort. Mostly, I explained what I’d decided in such a compelling way that none of my counselors could dare disagree. And when they did, when they started using the subtle phraseology of redirection, I ignored them.
I placed my trust in my chosen plan. It would work. It would have to work.
Still I added sin to sin. I was NOT placing my trust in God. I was worried (Matt 6:23-34). I was anxious (Phil 4:6-7).
And my plan produced no results. They exhausted me, they ravaged my emotions, they left me in despair.
And then God, in His wisdom, brought the memorized Scripture, Isaiah 30:15 into my mind.
“For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
‘In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.’
But you would not.”
God offered an answer. Not the Egypts I had been trusting in. Not the busyness I had clung to. He offered Himself.
“Return to Me,” He said. “Rest in Me.”
“Quiet your soul. Take confidence in Me.”
The Israelites Isaiah spoke to would not.
But I will.
I will turn aside from the Egypt that my flesh so desperately wants to run to.
I will uncurl my hand from the things I so desperately want to cling to.
I will silence my soul. I will rest in Him.
I will take confidence in this: “that He who has begun a good work in [me] will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
“For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
‘In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.'”