I know that it’s the end of the school year because I’m listless. I’m not interested in watching a movie, in reading a book, in cleaning, in surfing the web, in cooking, in researching. I don’t want to do anything but I don’t want to be doing nothing. So I flit from thing to thing–reading a chapter of a book here, watching the beginning of a movie there, downloading a journal article and never reading it. I draw a picture just to see if I can and I’m discontent with the outcome but unwilling to change it. We’ve had too much rain to go outside, and none of my normal time wasters–spider solitaire or sudoku–seem interesting. I have cabin fever at the end of April and it’s driving me crazy.
I remind myself of Sunny in Lori Wick’s The Hawk and the Jewel. She runs from one escapade to another, never satisfied unless she’s doing something crazy. And as soon as she is discovered or she has been at her escapade for more than a week, she loses interest and is at a loss for what to do or how to handle herself. Her niece confronts her, telling her that she must stop running from thing to thing. She must find rest in God.
Is that my problem? Of course it is. It always has been. It is my always struggle. I must learn to rely on God, to rest in Him, to not have to have something else filling my time.
Lord, help me not to seek a “quick fix” in busyness. May I instead choose to enjoy each season of my life–the busy seasons and the boring ones. Instead of this restless energy, may I find rest in the midst of the times of not doing things. And may I find refuge in You in the times of overwhelming busyness. Teach me each day to rely more and more on You.