modesty | bekahcubed

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I don’t like most modesty talk for a simple reason: I think it puts the emphasis in exactly the wrong place. It tells women that they should dress for men. Now, admittedly, I’m not too fond of this world’s way of dressing its daughters like whores, either. That too, tells women to dress for men (for their most base side).

I, on the other hand, would like to propose a new focus. Instead of dressing for men, why don’t we start dressing for God?

Here’s how I see it. Scripture says that we–you and I–are the temple of the Holy Spirit.

“Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.”
I Corinthians 3:16-17

Specifically, our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit.

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
I Corinthians 6:19-20

What is the purpose of a temple?

A temple is a dwelling place for a god. A temple is a monument to a god’s greatness. A temple is a place to worship a god.

And if our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, then our bodies are His dwelling place, our bodies are a monument to His greatness, our bodies are a place to worship Him.

Haggai tells of God’s purpose and desire for His temple:

“Go up to the mountains and bring wood and build the temple, that I may take pleasure in it and be glorified,” says the LORD.”
Haggai 1:8

In the book of Haggai, God desired to take pleasure in His temple and to be glorified in it. I believe His desire is still the same today. And if your body is His temple, then His desire is to take pleasure in your body and to be glorified in your body.

This brings the whole concept of modesty into perspective. Our goal in dressing should be to bring God pleasure and to glorify Him. Nothing greater and nothing less.

So what brings God pleasure and what glorifies Him?

If we take a look at the tabernacle of Moses, built according to the specific instructions of God given on Mount Sinai, we can get a glimpse at the kind of adornment God enjoys. God was pretty picky about how the tabernacle was to be designed:

“And let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them. According to all that I show you, that is, the pattern of the tabernacle and the pattern of all its furnishings, just so you shall make it.”
Exodus 25:8-9

The tabernacle was made with only the best materials: gold, silver, and bronze; blue, purple, and scarlet cloth. It was decorated with finely worked metalcraft–with flowers and cherubim. The cloth was artistically woven, specially dyed, and elaborately embroidered. The tabernacle was seriously ornamented.

I am convinced that beauty brings God pleasure. Why else would God have so carefully specified that the linen was to be finely woven, the area artistically embroidered?

Despite the bag-wearing tendencies of my early teen years, I do not believe that God intends or desires that we be frumps.

The Proverbs 31 woman, universally held up as an example for Christian women, was far from frumpy. Instead, she was dressed in the best–fine linen and purple.

“She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple. ”
Proverbs 31:21-22

God takes pleasure in beauty. I believe that He is glorified in beauty. It’s okay–it’s GOOD–that you be beautiful and dress beautifully.

A temple is a dwelling place for a god. A temple is a monument to a god’s greatness. A temple is a place to worship a god. But what happens if the temple is so packed full of stuff that the god can’t dwell there? What happens if the temple begins to proclaim its own greatness instead of the greatness of its god? What happens if the temple cries out for worship instead of offering worship to its god?

That is not good.

If our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, then our bodies are His dwelling place, our bodies are a monument to His greatness, our bodies are a place to worship Him. But what if we took our focus off of the God whose temple we are and placed it on ourselves? What if others looking at our bodies were encouraged to worship US rather than Him?

That would not be good. That would not glorify God or give Him pleasure.

And I believe that is exactly why God commands modest apparel for women.

“In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”
I Timothy 2:9-10

According to Merriam-Webster, modest means placing a moderate estimate on one’s abilities or worth; observing the proprieties of dress and behavior, unpretentious. Basically put, modest dress means dress that doesn’t glorify itself.

Our goal in our dressing should be GOD’S glory, not our own. Which means that our clothing should not distract from revealing God’s glory–especially God’s glory as revealed in our character.

I Timothy speaks of women adorning themselves with good works. I Peter speaks of adorning ourselves with a gentle and quiet spirit and with submission.

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”
I Peter 3:3-6

This gentle and quiet spirit is precious, valuable to God–it’s something He takes pleasure in. I Peter 5:5 encourages all younger people (male and female alike) to “be clothed” with humility.

“Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for
“ God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.””
I Peter 5:5

And that Proverbs 31 woman? Fine linen and purple wasn’t all she wore. She was also adorned with strength and honor.

“Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come. ”
Proverbs 31:25

So my questions to you, ladies, is: Who are you dressing for? Why do you wear what you do? Does your clothing glorify God by being beautiful? Does your clothing glorify God by allowing Him to be seen?

Or does your clothing obscure Him by glorifying you? Does your clothing fail to reflect Him by being frumpy, poorly cared for, and unattractive? Does your focus on clothing and fashion keep you from cultivating the apparel that God says He takes great delight in–good works, gentleness, quietness, humility, submission?

My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit–and I want to ornament it in such a way that He takes pleasure in me and is glorified. I pray that will become your goal too.

*I’ve struggled with what order to do these next couple of week’s worth of posts in. They don’t have quite as logical a progression as the first half of the month’s posts did. But my decision has been made for me by a late night of research and not enough time to perfect any of my other posts–so, here you have the very first Love Month 2010 post I wrote!*

I once read a book, purportedly a Christian book, purportedly a book about modesty, whose thesis could be summed up in six words: “Men are pigs, don’t encourage them.”

I’ll be honest with you. Most of the time, modesty talk rankles me. It drives me nuts. It leaves me gnashing my teeth, but (hopefully) biting my tongue. I hate it.

I hate it because most modesty talk I hear says one of two things, neither of which is true.

How many times have you heard one of the following:

Men are visual. They can’t help it. You need to dress modestly because you don’t want to cause your brother to stumble. (Translation? If a man looks at you and lusts, it’s YOUR fault.)

All men want is sex–and when you dress immodestly, you’re giving them what they want. (Translation? Men are pigs, don’t encourage them.)

I’ve heard both of them too many times to count. And I’m frankly sick and tired of hearing them. BECAUSE THEY’RE JUST NOT TRUE!

Let me walk you through these statements.

Statement 1: Men are visual. They can’t help it. You need to dress modestly because you don’t want to cause your brother to stumble. (Translation? If a man looks at you and lusts, it’s YOUR fault.)

Men are visual. They can’t help it.

That’s true. Men are visual. They are aroused by visual stimulus. They can’t help that. God made them that way. And it’s GOOD that God made them that way.

What isn’t true is that men are visual and therefore can’t help it if they’re lusting. Just as with every other sin, the stimuli (the temptation) isn’t responsible for our sin. We are responsible for what we do with that stimuli. When a man sees something that arouses him, that is not sin. Sin is when he takes what he sees and lusts after it–craves and desires what is not his to have.

So, men are visual, they can’t help it. But men can choose not to lust, regardless of the temptation to do so.

You need to dress modestly because you don’t want to cause your brother to stumble.

This injunction comes from a couple of Scripture passages.

“Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense. It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.”
Romans 14:20-21

“But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will not the conscience of him who is weak be emboldened to eat those things offered to idols? And because of your knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died? But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.”
I Corinthians 8:9-13

Both of these passages refer specifically to eating food sacrificed to idols–a practice which some believers felt was sinful, and others felt was permissible. Paul affirms that this eating food sacrificed to idols is a liberty that believers can enjoy BECAUSE they know that those idols have no power. But for the weaker brothers, to eat food sacrificed to idols wounds their conscience.

Paul encourages the brethren to think beyond what they must or must not do (indeed, they had perfect freedom to eat meat–which Paul affirms). Instead, he encourages them to have a different mindset towards their liberty. Instead of worrying about being “right”, the believers are encouraged to do what is best for their brethren.

Far from laying down a new law of “Don’t eat meat sacrificed to idols” (or, for that matter, “Don’t dress immodestly”), Paul instead reaffirms Christ’s second greatest command: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39)

So, the issue here isn’t dressing modestly or dressing immodestly–it’s loving our brothers. Which is where the tricky part comes in, because loving our brothers often DOES mean dressing modestly. But that’s an act of love, not a rule for proper behavior.

Bottom Line: If a man looks at you and lusts, it’s HIS fault. But you have the opportunity to serve your brothers by dressing in a way that would not tempt them.

Statement 2: All men want is sex–and when you dress immodestly, you’re giving them what they want. (Translation? Men are pigs, don’t encourage them.)

All men want is sex.

Most men do want sex. So do most women–I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want sex. The desire for sex is a good desire, a God-given desire that most people (male or female) have.

But to say that sex is ALL men want? That’s just plain wrong. While men do desire sex, they also desire companionship, intimacy, significance, respect, love… In fact, they desire a lot of the same things you desire.

God created us to desire sex–but beyond that, He created us for relationship. He created man and woman in such a way that they were to be complementary–physically, yes, but even beyond the physical. God designed us such that in marriage a man and a woman become one–not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. This is what both men and women want. Oneness in a relationship.

When you dress immodestly, you’re giving [men] what they want.

If you were paying attention to what I just said, you can probably see the problem in this statement already.

Sex isn’t all that men want–so dressing immodestly doesn’t give them what they want. It feeds one part of their desire for oneness, but does nothing for the other aspects. In fact, it degrades that desire for oneness by promising physical oneness without fulfilling the desire for respect and honor.

By dressing immodestly, we might be encouraging men to act as pigs–to lust after our physical bodies while denying the desire for true oneness as God intended it–but that doesn’t mean men are pigs.

Sex without relationship isn’t what men want–so dressing in a way that promises sex without relationship isn’t giving them what they want.

Bottom line: Men are human, with the same desires as most humans. We can encourage them to desire whole relationships by not over-emphasizing our sexuality by the way we dress.

Now that you’ve heard all that I think is WRONG with the way we approach modesty, be sure to come back tomorrow to learn about how I WISH we approached modesty.