plans | bekahcubed

WiW: Proverbs

September 13, 2010 5 Comments by bekahcubed

My Bible reading plan has me going through Proverbs–and it just so happens that I found a free translation of the Proverbs by Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro at my local library. I figured I’d read the two together–my regular New King James (a word-for-word translation) and Shapiro’s free translation (a very loose version of a thought-for-thought translation).

It’s interesting to see how Shapiro interprets–and how having different wording changes my perception of the emphasis of a verse.

On Dreams and Real Life:

“Your mind is filled with many dreams,
yet life unfolds despite them.”
~Proverbs 19:21, Shapiro translation

This sounds like a fortune cookie saying, but I don’t deny that it’s true. My mind is filled with many dreams–and my life has unfolded despite them.

So what does the Bible actually say?

“There are many plans in a man’s heart,
Nevertheless the Lord’s counsel–that will stand.”
~Proverbs 19:21, NKJV

Ah–it just so happens that this is one of my favorite (and least favorite) verses. It’s undoubtedly true. I am one who has many plans in my heart, but ultimately it’s not my will but God’s that prevails.

Do you note how Shapiro has canceled God out of his translation of this verse?

It’s a huge loss.

Life unfolding, simply cause and effect, things happening, random. There’s no comfort there for my dashed dreams. There’s nothing to keep me from despair. It sounds like “You’ve got your dreams, good for you–but they make no difference anyway.”

On the other hand, consider my amalgam of Shapiro’s translation with the actual Proverb.

“My mind is filled with many dreams,
yet God determines how life unfolds.”
~Proverbs 19:21, bekahcubed amalgam

Life is unfolding, carefully orchestrated. My dreams don’t always come true. But I have hope amidst it all. After all, a better dreamer than I is busy creating a masterful story from my life.

I make plans. God does as He pleases.

And that’s the best way for it to be–even when (or maybe especially when) God “messes up” my plans.

Collect more quotes from throughout the week with Barbara H’s meme “The Week in Words”.

Reflections

Through the tears

April 1, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

I’ve had a plan, all these years–a plan that carried me seamlessly from high school to college to grad school. I had planned for every contingency and merely had to adjust to the appropriate path whenever life arrived at a branch point. I graduated from college unmarried–I had a contingency plan for that. I had contingency plans I didn’t end up using–plans for if I didn’t get into an internship, for example.

But now I come to the end of my plans. Now I’m at the great intersection where hundreds of paths lie open before me–and I have no idea which one to take. I have no well-planned flowchart here, no rubric for deciding.

The future is a hazy mist fast approaching, and I feel lost in the fog.

A ray of light shone through on a frightening path. I shied away from it at first. Then God eased my fears and I felt my heart come into focus. This, this was what I wanted for my future. This was what I hadn’t even realized I’d been wanting all along. All my dreams aligned along this path and I was ready to follow it wherever it went.

What I didn’t expect was the “road closed” sign just beyond my view. I came upon it and had no choice but to turn aside.

Now, once again, I stand in the valley of decision–a broad vista of limitless paths. They bewilder me, they overwhelm me, none of them truly excites me. I want that path back.

I didn’t have, still don’t have a contingency plan. That future that so frightened me at first had come to excite me so. And now, every future I can envision seems drab and cold and lifeless.

I should be excited. The world is open to me. I have my whole life in front of me. I can do whatever I want to do. I can be whoever I want to be. Except, that is, that I cannot do or be that thing which I came to desire more than anything else in this world. That path is closed to me.

Abraham lay Isaac on the altar, believing that God would resurrect him. Any hope of resurrection has faded in my soul. Now, like Japheth’s daughter, I say, “If this is what you have vowed, put me on the altar–but first let me grieve what I have lost.”

Following Christ, Reflections

Laying aside my plans

October 24, 2005 Leave a comment by bekahcubed

I have everything to say and nothing to say. My world has been rocked but I don’t know how to say it. I am not what I was, but I cannot describe what I am. The unexplainable has touched my explanation and I am speechless. The God-plan has touched my man-plan, and my plan is naught. I wanted until I met the desire of nations, now my want is swallowed up in desire. My life is changed, I know not how. I only know that I have had an encounter with the living God.

How long has God been prompting me to lay aside my plans for His great call? I don’t know. The first I can remember is in July of 2002 when God spoke to me in a car on the way back from Omaha, “Rebekah, will you give me your husband?” Then in January of 2003, while I was spending time with God on a farm in Kansas: “Rebekah, I’m a wild God. You have a choice-your tame dreams or the wilderness with Me.” In March of 2005 my pastor approached me with the Scripture in Luke 10 of Mary and Martha. God spoke to me that I was distracted with much service, just as Martha had been.

I remember telling my youth pastor, when I was applying for youth council in 9th grade, that my life verse was Jeremiah 29:11–and that I liked it not because of the “prosper and not harm you” part but because of the part that says God has a plan. You see, I’ve always liked to be in control, but that verse reminds me that God is in control, not me. I wrote about my struggle to let God take control in a poem: Struggle

I don’t know when the breaking started, I only can think of the great hammer blow this weekend has been. I went to Main Event, only to hear a message the speaker wasn’t speaking. It wasn’t the small groups, the message, the songs, or the workshops. I don’t know how it was being spoken, but I heard it loud and clear. I must die to my plans.

God has been speaking to me to step down from a number of my roles within the church. I’ve been scared to death and been disobedient in my procrastination. I think that I can do something great for God and for others within my church, but my plans are nothing more than MYSELF. And myself has nothing to offer. My friend, Jeannette helped me see the error of remaining in that sin. And so I went to Main Event.

As I was packing my bags, I remembered the phrase that has been haunting my brain for years. “Always have a bag packed.” It’s a staccato in my mind. Over and over and over again. “Always have a bag packed. Always have a bag packed. Always. Always. Always have a bag packed.” And I have not. Almost three years ago, I stepped through a door made of tree branches. From the world I had known–the world of tame dreams, of a tame husband, of a tame life–into the wild. The wild had nothing to offer me except one thing–my husband and Lord, my Wild Man Lover was beckoning me to join Him there. And I stepped through the door, recognizing that my nice, tame life would be worth nothing if I were separated from the Lover of my soul–the Wild One who calls my heart. I followed Him to the next step, and then I sat down, unpacked my bags, and civilized the wild. I took on bondage as if it were freedom, and unpacked my bags to settle in for the long haul. I forgot that anytime my Lover and my Lord may part the Red Sea and call me back into the wilderness. I unpacked my bags.

Friday night, Drew Frazier mentioned the topic of our God being wild, untamed. And the memories flooded my mind. When I was deep in the throes of a tumultuous relationship, God calling out to me, persistently crying: “What about me? What about me? Do you really love Me with all your heart, soul and mind? Do you really want Me above all else? What about ‘Bob’? Do you love Me more than he? Why don’t you read My letters like you read his? Why don’t you spend hours talking to Me like you do to him? What about Me?” The jealous God, calling out my Name, determined to give His praise to none other. I remember the God that asked me to give up my dream of world travel, only to send me to Sweden. I remember the God that meets me when I least expect it. And I remembered my call to follow after my Wild Man Lover.

The next day, I went to an EDGE corps informational meeting. And frankly, I wasn’t really that interested. I don’t want to do EDGE–it would get in the way of all of my plans. I want instead to finish school and run my community center and do all sorts of wonderful stuff for God, and for others, and for myself. EDGE doesn’t fit into that plan. And God said, “Whose plan was that again?” And I had to hang my head and confess, “Mine.” “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. And I can only hang my head further and declare, “Yes, Lord.” I’ve been following my plan instead of running after Christ, living in my comfort instead of for His glory. And so, my plans must die.

I made my vow and declared it Saturday night. All of my ambitions, dreams, and plans are nothing compared to the greatness of knowing Christ. All of my serving, doing, and accomplishment are nothing compared to sitting at His feet. My goal cannot be to do something great for God or to do something great for others, or to be something great for myself. Instead, my one and only goal must be to chase after Christ and follow wherever He leads me.

Quite frankly, it scares me to death. What if He calls me to change my major? I didn’t choose it with Him in mind–I chose it with an earthly husband in mind. What if He calls me to not complete an internship–thus not actually doing anything with my degree. Will I have wasted five years of my life? What if He calls me to EDGE–and I never have a chance to see my community center dream come to fruition? What if He calls me to drop out of school? What if He calls me to work full time? What if He calls me to never marry? What if He calls me to marry? The difficulty is I don’t know what He wants me to do. Everything is up in the air. The only thing that is for certain is that I must follow Him. But I know that the only thing worth doing is following Him.

Lord, work in me to will and to do Your good pleasure. Continue to break my heart of the things that are not of Your heart. Continue to cleanse me of all that is unholy. And lead me, lead me, wherever You would have me go. You are my husband, and I will follow You wherever You go. You are my Lover, and I would not be separated from You. You are my champion, and I will not leave Your corner. For You, my Wild Man Lover, are the only one worthy of my life.