For most of us, contentment in singleness doesn’t come in one fell swoop. It’s a journey, a battle, a day to day (or at least week to week or year to year) struggle.
My journey towards contentment in singleness began the summer before my junior year of high school. Marriage was on my mind–and had been for years–but this year, I was pursuing it with unparalleled abandon. No, I wasn’t tossing myself recklessly into the world of dating. By then, I’d officially(?) “kissed dating goodbye” (a sentiment I’ve since rethought a bit, more on that later.) No, instead, I was eagerly preparing myself for the life of a homemaker, taking over the family menu planning and gardening, trying to acquire as much “wifely” knowledge and skill as I could, determined to be ready as soon as God gave the okay.
My sister went to China that year, and when Mom and Dad and I picked her up at the airport, she started telling us about what God had done in her heart there. She told of how God had asked her if she’d be willing to give up her lifelong dream of being a missionary in Africa to serve the children of China. And as Anna told her story, I heard God’s voice–there in the back of my parents’ station wagon. “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”
I knew it was Him, there could be no doubt–and in a knee-jerk reaction, I answered Him: “Sure, You can have my husband–as long as You don’t take him.”
You see, I’d read the stories–all those amazing stories of women who’d learned contentment in singleness only to have God “surprise” them with a spouse. That I could take.
But that wasn’t what God was asking. He asked me again. “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”
I wrestled with God’s question for months. I begged Him to rescind the question. I tried to bargain with Him. He would have none of it. He only repeated His question: “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”
And, after months of wrestling, I made my decision. I didn’t want to give God my husband, but I chose to do it.
I willed to give God my husband.
Can you really give God what he never gave you? Is it so much that you gave God “your husband” as much as you abandoning your passionate desire to have one?
I think for me, I’ve always been content in being single. If anything, than its more of a journey for me to explore the possibility of wanting to have a romantic relationship rather than discontent in my singleness.
You make a very true point, Matt. I can’t give God my husband when I don’t have one. So, while that was the language used in the dialogue between God and I, the truth was that I was giving God the dream of and desire for a husband rather than giving God a literal and physical husband.
It’s very interesting to me that you feel like contentment in singleness is your default mode. I think that might be more common for guys than for girls–I’ve met several guys who are in that place, but very few girls. What do you think?
I think contentment in singleness has BECOME my default mode. Sure, there are times when things slip out of “default mode” – just as the person whose default mode is discontent in singleness has spurts of “contentment”.
I think I agree though, that is more common in guys than girls – but I have met guys who also are not content in singleness.
Wow! You never realize when God will use your talking about yourself…
Not a good reason to talk about yourself all the time, but hmm!
Love you!