Purity of Heart (Guest Post)

And now for my favorite part of Love Month–where the guys go off to talk about lust–and the girls go off to talk about how to keep guys from lusting (modesty). But wait–I already talked about modesty (and why the goal SHOULDN’T be keeping guys from lusting)–

Instead, I’ve asked my mom to write up a little something about purity. My mother is a godly woman, full of wisdom (and with the gray hair to prove it!) I think you’ll learn much from her perspective on purity, sexual and otherwise.

We often think of purity only in a sexual sense. This is an incomplete look at purity. Purity, like any other sin, is a matter of the heart. When Jesus spoke about the commands of the Old Testament, He made each one a matter of the heart even though the Jews had made them a matter of rules (i.e. Jesus called hating your brother murder.) Purity is no different. We’d like to reduce purity down to a bunch of rules – you can go this far, and still be okay. Col. 2:23 tells us that rules, even though they appear wise, have no value against fleshly indulgence.

“These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh.”

Why is that? It is because, as James 1:14 tells us, sin is conceived of our own lust. It originates in a desire within our own flesh.

“But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.”

Rules only deal with the outside things. But a person can “obey all the rules”, and still not be pure because of the condition of the heart. Rebekah defined purity for us a few days ago.

Purity: the quality or state of being pure

Pure: unmixed with any other matter; free from dust, dirt, or taint; spotless, stainless; free from harshness or roughness and being in tune; free from what vitiates, weakens, or pollutes; containing nothing that does not properly belong; free from moral fault or guilt; marked by chastity;

Notice the phrase “containing NOTHING that does not properly belong.” Lusts and comparisons don’t belong in a pure relationship.

“But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”
I Timothy 1:5 NASB

We know that, in general, apart from Christ, we are not pure yet He makes us pure by faith in Him. But let’s get practical and look at the part we all think of when we talk about purity – sex.

What about sexual purity?

Let me ask this: Is sex completely a physical thing, with no link to our emotions or our spirit? If your answer is yes, you’re an animal, which has no moral code, so this whole discussion is irrelevant. If your answer is “no, it’s not just physical,” then it makes sense that sexual purity would also not be just physical.

Anything that brings an element of wrongness to a monogamous marital relationship is a part of sexual impurity. If my only thought is my own pleasure, I bring selfishness into it, and I am not pure. You may say that’s a little extreme. But is it? Purity is not just an idea for singles (usually when we say purity we really mean abstinence). Purity is a cleanness of heart and motive in a relationship acted out in what we do and say.

We know the obvious things that bring impurity into a marriage bed – a literal other man or woman from an affair or premarital sex that we are comparing our marriage experience to. We hear a lot about pornography in relation to men’s sexual sins. But I think that women also have their form of pornography–but because it’s not pictures exploiting someone else, we don’t recognize it as such.

I’m speaking of romance novels. Some have explicit scenes that can give a physical image that brings an element of comparison, but I think the emotional pull of a storybook man is far more detrimental to a relationship with a husband. “My man doesn’t make me FEEL like that!”

Women have a God-given desire to be emotionally joined to a man, not just physically joined. We dream of having him understand us, and be tender toward us. We want him to be sensitive, yet masculine, etc. All these things can be rolled into one storybook man, where it’s easy for us to see it (usually because the book is written by a woman, so her men think and speak like women) and the woman doesn’t have to draw him out or even quit acting like a selfish jerk herself. I’m not saying men like that don’t exist. It just takes a lot more effort and self-sacrifice on our part to see it in a real man that also has faults.

In real life, we have to invest in a relationship in order to see the things we want come out of it. So this fiction may give a sense of dissatisfaction in our man, or may awaken feelings that shouldn’t be stirred yet. (Song of Solomon tells us not to arouse or awaken love until the appropriate time.) How can a woman be content in singleness if she constantly stirs this up? So even though the reader isn’t physically committing adultery or fornication, she is doing so emotionally, and she brings this baggage into her marital relationship. That’s impurity.

I think the pressures toward impure thoughts and actions from external things are greater than they were when I grew up. More things are openly explicit, and accepted by society as a whole. Opportunity for impurity may be greater. This means it requires more boldness to stand against impurity; but, because sin originates in the desires of our flesh, I would say the struggle is the same.

The victory is also the same. You have a conscience that is alive to God. Listen to His voice. He will show you what makes you sexually impure, if you will allow Him to. Respond to His voice with repentance and trust and He will lead you down a path of purity.

“For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said, ‘In repentance and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.'”
Isaiah 30:15 NASB