“Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4
It’s probably the one Scripture I have the most trouble with. Does God really promise to give me the desires of my heart when I delight in Him?
‘Cause I’ve been delighting–and still so many of my desires remain unfulfilled.
I’ve had women quote this verse to me as a promise that I’ll marry someday. I don’t want to believe them. Because what if that is what this verse is saying–yet I never do get married? What if I cling to this as a promise when that isn’t what God intended–and I end up a bitter old spinster?
How many times have I begged God to take away my desires? “Lord, if this isn’t Your desire for me, may I not desire to be married. If it isn’t Your will for me to be a mother, take away this desire to be one. If you don’t want me to foster or adopt, then take away this yearning inside of me.”
Can I take His silence as confirmation? That His will is to fulfill my desires?
I dare not do so and place words that He has not spoken into His mouth.
But here, as I long intensely for what I cannot have, I am tempted to believe that God is not good. I am tempted to think that He is the ultimate tease, awakening my heart to dream only to dash my dreams.
How many time has this happened over the years? Yes, not so solidly as this time, but how many times has my heart risen only to drop to the depths?
Years ago, I wrote these words:
I’ve been seeking
But I’m not seeing
Where are those things
You were going to add?
I’ve been delighting
But I’m not sighting
Where are those dreams
You said You’d fulfill?
I don’t understand
Why You’ve got me in this place
This life that I’m living
is so far from my dreams
I can’t understand
What it means
I don’t know
Why it’s so
But You are Lord
Speak Your word
I will go
I am clay
Have Your way
You are Lord
Speak Your word
I will obey
This verse remains the most difficult one in my mind. I don’t understand it. I don’t know what it means. I don’t know how to take it.
So I move a verse further and cling to verse 5.
“Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.”
So I commit my desires to Him, daily pouring out my heart, raising my requests to Him, begging yet again that He would conform my desires to His.
And then I choose to trust in Him, that He shall bring His good purposes to pass in His perfect timing.
Boy. I hear everything you are saying. I said that same verse and wondered when God was EVER going to allow me to get married, have children, have my own family. But you’ve got it there at the end – He’s fulfilling His good purposes and it will be in His perfect timing.
I didn’t realize that my husband was 4 years younger than me and so I’d have to wait a little longer than my friends. =) There were a lot of good reasons to wait which I didn’t realize until later.
I think your desires and longings are God-honoring, actually. And I will (in all seriousness) pray that God sustains you until such time that He brings someone into your life.
And suddenly I feel stupid typing everything I did. But it’s true! I was one of hte last of my friends to marry and I felt HORRIBLE at times. But there were reasons and God IS good – as you say.
I think maybe it’s just saying that, for those who delight in the Lord, someday all longings will be fulfilled. More than likely, that won’t fully come to pass until all longings are perfect longings (which means heaven) but still, in this life, we do experience this truth in the moments of contentment and blessedness that grace our days–even(or maybe especially) the days that aren’t exactly what our desires tell us we need. There is, in the untainted human heart, only ONE desire–the desire for God. This verse tells me that someday that will be 100% fulfilled–and it will be 100% enough, unlike today when what I really want is God + something else.