In her Laudable Linkage last week, Barbara linked to this article on how to serve “The Singles” in your church.
As a single woman in the church, I appreciate McCulley’s advice to church–and greatly appreciate those individuals who serve singles as McCulley suggests.
For me, one specific section stood out:
“Don’t be afraid to challenge bitterness.
Extended singleness is a form of suffering. There is an appropriate time for mourning with those who mourn. This is especially true for women who see the window of fertility closing on them without the hope of bearing children. Don’t minimize the cumulative years of dashed hopes for unmarried adults.
That said, we single adults need loving challenges when we have allowed a root of bitterness to spring up and block our prayers to God, our fellowship with others, and our service to the church. deferred hopes cannot be allowed to corrode our thankfulness for the gift of salvation.”
~Carolyn McCulley
This section is a double-edged sword. It comforts the single person with the realization that mourning is okay, that sometimes singleness is suffering. But at the same time, it challenges the single person to root out bitterness.
I love this.
I love those who remind me of this.
Those who recognize the suffering that is sometimes present in singleness, who truly mourn with me as I mourn–and those who speak truth into my suffering. Those who remind me of the riches of God poured out on me in Christ Jesus. Those who remind me of the sovereignty of God in all circumstances. Those who encourage me to fix my eyes on Christ instead of on my suffering. Those who come alongside to encourage and to exhort.
“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another…Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”
~Ephesians 4:25, 31
Don’t forget to take a look at Barbara H’s meme “The Week in Words”, where bloggers collect quotes they’ve read throughout the week.
I appreciated Carolyn McCulley’s perspectives as well and felt they were all the more poignant because she is single herself. Sometimes married women don’t feel they can adequately help a single sister in bitterness because they feel it wouldn’t be received, or it would come across as calloused. Yet we need to be reminded as well to weep with those who weep, to acknowledge the pain and suffering in a situation rather than just trying to help them gain perspective.
Excellent, well balanced reminders. Thank you for sharing. :-)
This is good for me to read because I’m one of those who probably wouldn’t confront a single sister for bitterness. But that just reveals my own lack of understanding of the power of Christ that we can all be content right where we are, and that we need to help each other with that, not allow each other to wallow in our own self-pity for the sufferings we each endure.
I always appreciate your honest perspective. It gives me understanding that I might not get elsewhere.
I really appreciate your take on those writings. I read them…and pondered the “confrontation of bitterness” thing. I can see a specific situation in need of a gentle confronting conversation…but I’ve been chicken. It was helpful to me to read your single words from the heart!!