If someone asked me, anytime in the last couple of months, to describe myself in one word, that word might very well have been “insufficient”.
I’ve had a stressful couple of months, with insufficient hours in the day to do the work I need to do, insufficient hours of sleep in the night to have the energy or will to do what I need to do.
I’ve been late to work and stayed even later. I’ve been late to Sunday School and bawled through church for having let my students down. I’ve had to drop my systematic theology class because I have to sleep sometime. I’ve been bad company for my friends and family because I just don’t have any heart left in me.
I’ve been insufficient.
And God reminds me through the verses I’ve been insufficient to memorize…
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and do not lean on your own understanding
In all your ways, acknowledge Him
And He will make straight your paths
Do not be wise in your own eyes
Fear the Lord, and turn away from evil
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones
Honor the Lord with your wealth
and with the firstfruits of all your produce
Then your barns will be filled with plenty
and your vats will be bursting with wine.
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline
or be weary of His reproof
for the Lord reproves him whom He loves
as a father the son in whom he delights.”
~Proverbs 3:5-12
God is sufficient…trust Him, Rebekah.
God is wise…fear Him, Rebekah.
God is the Healer…put your heart in His hands, Rebekah.
God owns the cattle on a thousand hills…place your possessions in His keeping, Rebekah.
God’s discipline is His delight…let God delight in you, Rebekah.
And so, I break under the load of my insufficiency. I break…disappointed and a disappointment to others. I break…restless and unable to grant rest to others. I break…overburdened by life.
And Jesus says…
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
~Matthew 11:28-30
So I will choose to trust, to acknowledge, to fear, to honor, to come, to take up His yoke and learn.
And when He says…
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
~Philippians 4:6-7
…I will say, Thank you, Lord, that you are my sufficiency.
This is exactly how I feel these days. Exactly. And so reading this post was an incredibly huge blessing to me and was very instructive. Thank you for sharing your journey and speaking truth so that I might hear it.