This man moves me

Friday, November 9th, 2012 at 6:20 am

This is a continuation of Daniel’s and my story. Click on the “Our Story” tag for context.

How could I be in love with this man?

Was that even possible?

We’d known each other only two months, had only ever written each other or talked on the phone.

I’d never seen his face, never held his hand (not even shaken it).

Yet I asked God a question as I dressed for work the next morning.

“Lord, will I marry Daniel Garcia?”

God’s reply was clear and forceful: “I know. And when it is time for you to know, I will tell Daniel.”

I wrote in my journal: “Thus begins the waiting game. Now that I am officially crazy about this man…Now I must learn whether I trust him to listen to God and be obedient.”

In the meantime, I must guard my heart. I was determined to guard my heart, to not imagine beyond what Daniel said.

After our first Skype date that next Saturday, I didn’t know exactly what to think–except that my heart was fighting against my mind’s restraining reigns.

Daniel had asked me what made me feel special–what someone else does for me that makes me feel special.

I didn’t know how to answer, couldn’t answer, didn’t answer just then.

The truth was that he made me feel special. He made me feel special when he shared his heart with me. When he talked about how my note had made him feel. When I’d trailed off before completing a sentence only to have him pick up the thread, knowing my mind completely. He made me feel special with his intent attention to my face as I talked. He made me feel special by asking what makes me feel special.

It was ridiculous, I thought, how a man I’d never met in person could so move me.

And move me he did.

Talking to him excited me, thrilled me. I quickly grew to love sharing my every thought with him and hearing all of his thoughts. My heart beat wildly when he shared his heart with me.

Be that as it may, he’d not declared any official intentions towards me. I knew he was interested in me, from what he’d shared. But we’d still not even discussed meeting in person; were still only talking during our regularly scheduled biweekly calls. I mustn’t let myself consider him my boyfriend, mustn’t let myself imagine him my husband.

However much he moved me, I was determined to follow his lead, not to wrest it from him.

I waited a painfully long four days between our Saturday Skype and our next Wednesday conversation, willing myself not to write him or text him every day in between.

I wrestled with God in the in-between, sharing my feelings about Daniel, asking God to make His will known.

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Reader Comments (1):

  1. Melinda says:

    What a difficult season! I remember in my relationship with Jason wrestling with some of the same things. I started falling for him before we met or even talked on the phone. Those days of waiting to know how everything will turn out are hard.

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