A little over a year ago, I wrote up a post declaring my “side” on the many different parenting decisions for the first year. To quote my introduction, this was so “I can look back years from now and shake my head at how naive and idealistic I was back before I had children.”
Well, now that I’ve had one go-round at the first year, it’s time to see what I’ve done and what I think NOW.
The first days:
I didn’t have a lot of choice about what went on during the first days – between the c-section and Tirzah Mae’s NICU stay, things were mostly done by protocol. I still hold by my theories – but we just didn’t have the opportunity for delayed cord clamping or skin-to-skin this time around (nor did the hospital ask me prior to giving Tirzah Mae her eye drops – even so, while *I* and my midwife know that Tirzah Mae wasn’t going to get chlamydia or gonnorrhea from me, I understand why the hospitals don’t just take a woman’s word for it.)
Diapering
As soon as Tirzah Mae ran out of the one bag of preemie diapers I bought for her when she came home from the hospital, we switched to prefolds and have been using them ever since. We’ve been gifted with covers that we use most of the time (although I have used plastic pants too). We used snappies a lot until Tirzah Mae got diaper rash and I started leaving the cover off around the house – then the pins hold things on much better.
Feeding
Breast or bottle?
I still hate that question. Tirzah Mae has received breastmilk exclusively – initially via a tube into her stomach, then from a bottle, and finally at the breast. Initially, she just got one breastfeeding a day and the rest from a bottle – but we switched around Christmastime (her due date) to breastfeeding ’round the clock with a bottle only before bed for her Vitamin D and iron supplement.
Scheduled feedings or “on demand”?
The hospital enforced scheduled feedings every 3 hours – and it absolutely broke my heart. Even as a preemie, Tirzah Mae gave very clear hunger cues – cues that said she wanted to eat every 2 to 2.5 hours. Once I brought her home, I fed her whenever she gave cues (and continue to do so.) I continue to believe this is nutritionally the best approach to infant feeding (and can be quite doable, especially for a stay-at-home mom).
Vitamin D or no?
Tirzah Mae got drops in her evening bottle until the expressed breastmilk from her hospitalization ran out (sometime in August) At that point, we were going outdoors daily (and I skipped the sunscreen unless we were going to be out longer than 15-20 minutes.) Now that it’s getting cold and we’re not out as much, it’s probably time to start them up again (this time, she doesn’t need them mixed with anything to not spit them out.)
Nursing cover, blanket, or nothing at all?
Still don’t use any hidey devices
Introducing solids?
Adjusting for age made this one difficult. My “no sooner than six months” – is that for corrected or calendar age? Tirzah Mae started eating sometime right around 6 months by the calendar – because she refused to let me eat in peace.
First foods?
The only baby food I’ve purchased is baby oatmeal, which Tirzah Mae ate three servings of. Then she ate table food – we ground it with a handheld baby food mill for about two weeks and she’s been eating it straight from the table (mashed or diced and now in chunks) ever since. I did not introduce one food at a time as originally intended – and I don’t think I ever will.
Weaning from the breast?
Still going strong and no end in sight.
Weaning from the bottle?
I ended up using one, but only infrequently after the first few months – she hasn’t gotten one since the breastmilk from the NICU ran out, and she’s never missed it.
Pacifier?
The NICU never asked, they just started her on one. I’d ask them not to if I were in the situation again – but it didn’t hurt us. She gave it up on her own sometime around six months and we haven’t used it since (even if I’ve tried a couple times in desperation :-P)
Potential allergens?
I’ve been pretty consistent with this one – Tirzah Mae gets the same foods we eat except for honey (until tomorrow!) I have given her bits of cow’s milk with meals over the past month (earlier than the one year I mentioned earlier), but it’s been pretty minimal amounts (and therefore unlikely to damage her kidneys, which is the real concern with early intro of cow’s milk.
Sleep
I REALLY underestimated what my own sleep deprivation would induce me to do in this area!
Cosleeping?
Never in our bed, I said. Ha. That did NOT happen. But we weaned her from our bed and into her crib sometime between 4 and 6 months.
Back or front?
Yep, back to sleep saves babies’ lives – but I never managed to keep Tirzah Mae asleep on her back (until summertime – and then she wanted to be on her back. So weird.
Nursing to sleep?
We still do – and I don’t wake her back up to brush. We brush and do our fluoride drops during the day.
Rocking to sleep?
While I occasionally wish I could just put Tirzah Mae down and have her fall asleep by herself, I generally enjoy our bedtime routine (which, yes, includes breastfeeding and rocking to sleep)
Swaddling?
I didn’t want to rely on this and we haven’t. It was helpful before her due date, but not so much after.
Sleep training/Crying it out?
I still believe sleep training is not for newborns (you’re unlikely to find someone who has actually studied infant sleep who thinks you should.) But I also believe sleep training can be a very loving thing to do. I really will publish that “Loving by Sleep Training” post one of these days – suffice to say that I used a modified version of sleep training on two different occasions and did so because it was the only way I could love my daughter in those circumstances.
Miscellany
Babywearing?
Tummy Time?
Car seats?
I stand by what I said – and I’ve stood by it pretty well this year.
Church nursery?
The NICU really encouraged us to avoid the church nursery until Tirzah Mae was a year old. I held off until I started teaching Sunday School and now she’s in there during Sunday School and my Bible study. She’s with Daniel and I during services. We’ve had two or three colds in the two months since she’s been in the nursery. I think I’m pretty pro keeping little ones with me unless they’re really keeping me from being able to participate (which Tirzah Mae would at this point, with teaching Sunday School and participating in Bible Study.)
So, when theory turns to action, I’m a little more realistic, but I’m still an idealogue. Bring on the next baby (so I can change my mind on more)!
Great to read! Taylor was easy, the boys not so much! I only have one question: why no cover for breastfeeding?
Good question, Cathy. I mostly avoid “cover-ups” because I think they’re actually more conspicuous than simply breastfeeding discretely using your own clothing/limbs/etc. to cover up. There’s also some research about how women seeing other women breastfeeding increases their likelihood of and success with breastfeeding – so if I can do a little bit to normalize breastfeeding, I want to.
I find myself to be in a constant state of flux. What I think I know, I don’t know. What I don’t know I discover that I might have had a clue. I’ve seen some parents with special needs children say that they “parent open-handed” meaning that they know that they could lose them at any moment so they love and trust God. I think that can pretty much be said of EVERY parent. It just takes some of us a little longer to realize that. Children change constantly and change their parents thoroughly. Living “open handed”, praying and trusting God with the details AND the outcome, is pretty much what we’re supposed to do every day. A man plans his steps but the Lord directions his paths — through his children!! :D