Since we all know that the greatest risk to the safety of Americans is fundamentalist Christians, it makes sense that the TSA engage in terrorist profiling.
I suggest profiling for the following characteristics:
- White Race
Everyone knows that most fundamentalist Christians are white. And everyone knows that most white supremacists are white. Which means that white people who exhibit characteristics of Christian fundamentalism are a threat. Obviously.
While most known perpetrators of terrorism are male, any woman who is willing to submit to so misogynist a culture as Christian fundamentalism may be just as easily brainwashed into committing an act of terror.
- Long hair
Clearly, just being a white woman is insufficient to make one a terrorism suspect. A vast majority of white women are innocuous. When white women become a risk is when they also exhibit signs of religious fundamentalism like Long Hair or…
- Long skirts
See above. Actually, though, just to make sure that we don’t miss any terrorists, we should probably suspect any woman crazy enough to fly in a skirt–no matter what the length.
The above profile most likely explains why I have been “randomly” selected for additional screening the last six times I have flown.
During the last two flights (on my honeymoon), I exhibited fewer signs (I wore jeans on the way TO South Carolina and a knee length skirt on my way BACK from South Carolina) so I only had minimal additional screening–a closer look at my shoes and my tablet. Prior to that, I enjoyed four full-body pat downs.
When I shared this, my pet conspiracy theory, with the Happy Food crowd (friends who get together for dinner every Tuesday night) last night, they offered an alternate explanation: My file has been flagged.
This, it is true, is a more likely explanation for how I’ve been “randomly” selected so often.
But, the question remains: Why on EARTH would they flag ME?
Some potential explanations: I wore long skirts (potentially capable of hiding something underneath) while flying on four different occasions. On the fourth flight, after waiting ten minutes for a female TSA agent to search me, I questioned why a male TSA agent couldn’t do the job (since there were several male agents standing around doing nothing.) Or…maybe…I don’t know.
Oh, wait. I have an idea.
Maybe it’s because I attended a Tea Party Rally.
Yep, that’s probably it.
And…I’m back to conspiracy theories.