On Singleness as a Calling

The month has arrived and, as usual, I am well on my way to becoming in a high dudgeon over something or the other.

The month, of course, is February–or in Z-360 speak–the “love month.” And as usually happens, coverage of the “love issue” isn’t as comprehensive or balanced as I think it ought to be.

For instance, what compels happily married people to declare to a group of single teenagers that God has the perfect mate out there for them? Says who? Where do you find a promise of a mate in Scripture? I’ve never found one. And sorry, but I don’t think the “desires of your heart” can be taken as a definitive promise of a spouse. It’s just not there. Statements like that do little except create disillusioned single adults who think that somehow God is holding out on them.

But bringing that up only creates another morass of indignation within me. For the response to my assertion will be–“I’m sorry, that statement is not correct. God does call some people to never marry.” Talk about opening another can of worms!

I do believe that God does call some people to never marry–to remain celibate. But more than that, I believe that God calls many people–all people, in fact–to be single for at least a portion of their life. And I believe that this call of singleness should be regarded highly, as a call in and of itself.

Singleness is not a waiting room for marriage–a place where every event brings you closer to the blessed appointment. Instead, singleness is a calling in its own right–even if it is followed by marriage! Take the example of my former pastor as an illustration. Pastor Rodney Hinrichs received a call from God to become a pastor many years ago. He went to seminary and pastored in a number of locations before coming to Lincoln, NE, where he pastored Rejoice in the Lord Church–the church I grew up in. When I was still in my pre-teens, Pastor Rodney and his wife Malinda felt a call of God into the mission field. They took on that call and Rodney stepped down as Pastor of Rejoice. Currently, they minister in Africa, India, and around the world.

Now tell me, was Rodney not called to be a pastor, since he was called into missions later? Did he not hear God clearly when he heard the call to pastoring? After all, that wasn’t the calling he ended up with. To say that Rodney was not called to be a pastor just because God later called him out of the pastorate and into missions is preposterous. Likewise, to say that singleness is not a calling unless it is lifelong is preposterous. Just because God may call a person out of singleness into marriage does not mean that they were not called to singleness in the first place.

Some of you may now be thinking that I’m going off the deep end–making a mountain out of a molehill. Surely it’s not that big of an issue whether singleness (even for only a period of time) is seen as a calling or not.

I contend that it is a big issue. It is a big issue because it effects our view of and value for the vast and growing single population within the church. If, in general, people are called either to be single for the rest of their lives or to be married, the singles can be one of two things–either they are “lifers” or they are “waiting”. The “lifers” we view with awe–How on earth could they do such a thing?–while the “waiting” we regard with pity–How sad that they haven’t found anyone yet. In both scenarios, these men and women are defined by their lack of a mate.

The “lifers”, having ruled out marriage as their calling in life, are now free to pursue what their real calling and place might be–without regard to marital status. They may explore what profession, what ministry they fit into–the purpose for which God has called them to singleness.

The “waiting”, on the other hand, have only one charge–anticipation and preparation for the day when their status will change. These single persons are given one singular mission–finding a mate. Little thought is given to ascertaining the purpose for which they are single. Instead, their current single state is seen only as a speed-bump or a detour on the path to marriage. So rather than seeking God for His will today in their singleness, the “waiting” population seeks to prepare themselves for the possibility of a mate, and to pursue the procurement of a mate. And when the mate does not materialize, the “waiting” are forgotten, discarded, an unhappy reminder that sometimes God’s plan doesn’t always fit the fairy tales we’ve created.

Why is it so important that we begin to see singleness as a calling–even if it is not a permanent one? Because until we see singleness as a precious, although perhaps seasonal calling, we will continue to marginalize the precious single people in our midst. Until we see singleness as a gift from God–even for those who eventually end up married, we will continue to waste precious years of our lives–years that could have been productive, but were lost, pining for a different calling.