Christmas Sweater Confession

Ugly Christmas Sweater parties exist in profusion–a chance for everyone to go to the used store and pick up the most hideous Christmas sweater imaginable and wear it to make fun of those fashion-foolish folks who don’t realize that Christmas sweaters are so totally, like, never.

I do not belong to the fashion-foolish. I understand the ridicule directed towards Christmas sweaters. The critics are correct–Christmas sweaters are kitschy, often tacky, rarely flattering–but I love them nonetheless.

Once upon a time, I owned a dozen or so Christmas sweaters–and you could rarely find me without one in the month of December. They’re warm, they’re festive, and they’re fun–what could be better?

I’ve gotten rid of many of my Christmas sweaters because they were beginning to break down from overuse. Threads were coming free, sequins were coming off, ribbons were fraying. I had done all the repairs I could, and now it was time to let them go.

Now my collection is sparse–one solitary sweater, one sweatshirt, one turtleneck, one cardigan. I wish I had more, but shame and a certain fear that I won’t be thought professional if I wear a Christmas sweater keep me from indulging my inner yearnings.

I long for the day, some fifteen, twenty years from now, when I can channel my inner 40-year-old woman and wear Christmas sweaters without anyone thinking something’s amiss. Someday, I will be old enough that people will peg me as clueless rather than simply fashion-inept.

Except that by the time I’m 40, everyone who’s 40 should be aware of the atrocities that are Christmas sweaters.

So, for now, I wear my Christmas sweaters conservatively, as tastefully as they can be done–and I privately apologize to my favorite sweater as I pull it on for an “ugly sweater party”.

Check out some “Ugly Christmas Sweaters” at these online collections. Or, you can create your very own custom holiday sweater. Personally, though, I recommend the used stores–you can find a nice combination of factory-made and home-crafted articles (and you can get them for much cheaper than at some of these “specialty” stores online.)