“Both my mom and my dad smoke,” she confided, a wisp of shame blowing across her face.
I held my breath and my tongue for a moment, acutely aware of the other children listening in for my response.
I nodded, smiled sympathetically. “It’s very hard to stop smoking once you start. That’s why it’s better not to start in the first place.”
I wasn’t quite sure if I’d responded appropriately, but all around the room kids were picking up their crayons to color once more.
Smoking has become today’s ultimate social sin. Smokers are pariahs, pushed out of our company into the cold outdoors. We will eat and chat around the table–they can do so huddled around the front step.
We say it is for their own good and for their children’s.
Really, it is for our good and our children’s.
We are afraid of lung cancer, annoyed by allergies to cigarette smoke. And we are the majority, so we can make them do whatever we’d like.
For the children’s sake, we say, as we think up more ways to ostracize smokers.
Maybe if we make it illegal to smoke in a car if minors are present…
But we fail to recognize the difficult position we place children in.
They love their parents, but they’re inundated on every side with messages that say that Mom and Dad are bad and have a dirty habit and want to kill themselves and their children.
The children of smokers become wilderness-loving Pearls, forever separated from normalcy by the scarlet “A” their parents wear. Like Pearl’s red-trimmed garments, the smoke that clings to them (third hand smoke, professionals call it) reminds the world–and themselves–of their dubious parentage.
Some escape into lawlessness, as Pearl did. Others set their faces and walk amongst the rest of us, their faces and voices dark with the shame they feel.
It’s a true tragedy, and one where the child always loses–destined not only to bear the physical effects of second (and third) hand smoke, but the emotional effects of the world’s censure.
How can we protect children from these evils, the physical and the emotional?
Do we ban smoking and develop anti-addiction programs? Do we encourage children to establish healthy role models? Do we boost their self-esteem through sports or community involvement?
I propose a radical solution.
Let’s love them, and their parents, with the radical love of Christ. Let’s join them in their shame, recognizing that we all are fallen–and then lift them out of their shame by introducing them to the gracious God who loves sinners and makes them saints.
Let’s counter the social-sin of smoking with the gospel.
What a great answer to the children.
And I love your radical solution. We have several men attend our church who are in a 6-month program to overcome drug/alcohol addictions. Many of them stand outside prior to Sunday school and smoke their cigarettes as long as they can, then come in smelling of smoke.
What should we do? Put our arms around them and welcome them in. Jesus loves each of us where we are, and through grace and love and time, he changes us.
On a different note, I cringe when I think about years ago when I would give 3 & 4-yr-old kids in my Bible class extra stickers on their attendance chart if they were in class on time, AS IF they had anything to do with what time their parents brought them. I’ve taught good and bad in classes. Lord, have mercy.
I’ve noticed this reaction among children when I used to teach drug and alcohol abuse prevention lessons in schools. (Yes, I did. I can hardly believe it myself.). It’s really sad that something like smoking has become the bugaboo that it has. I love your response!