Blogging becomes increasingly hard – not because I don’t have anything to say, but because I fear I don’t have anything to say that anyone wants to read.
My days feel one dimensional – all caught up in pregnancy and work, work and pregnancy.
I go to work – where I talk to pregnant women, breastfeeding women, mothers of young children. I teach them how to be healthy during pregnancy, breastfeeding, feeding a family. I come home from work – where I try to be healthy during my own pregnancy. I retreat to the basement where it’s cooler for my evening workout. I grab a book and read more about healthy pregnancy, healthy delivery. I talk to my husband and fear I’m becoming a broken record, telling yet another story about how the book I’m reading is wrong about pregnancy nutrition or about how the clients I see don’t get it until I explain it to them a different way or how frustrated I am that I’m not the superwoman I wish I was.
Even the non-pregnancy related stuff finds a way to revolve around pregnancy.
Getting laundry done becomes all about making sure there are enough underwear that fit (I’ve graduated to men’s boxer briefs – which are much more comfortable than ladies underthings). It’s all about which dresses still fit my figure.
Cooking revolves around pregnancy – both my energy levels related to pregnancy and alternately trying and not trying to fit my intake into the ridiculous “Brewer diet” encouraged by the Bradley method. I spend way too much of my days internally grumbling about the diet, about how I’m going to gain too much weight because of it, and how it’s so darn much work. And I grumble more because even though I’m not a preschooler, I still want stickers for a job well done – even when I know as a dietitian that the Bradley prescribed diet is far from healthy for pregnancy.
Reading is all about pregnancy, childbirth, baby care. Crafting is preparing baby stuff.
And I wonder – if I’m already becoming this boring *before* the baby comes and I’ve quit my job, what will I be like as a housewife?
I fear more than just boring others. What if I become so myopic that I bore even myself?
It’s exciting and it’s scary, this new season we’re entering into.
This made me chuckle a bit! It sounds like you are turning into a mom!! Make sure you keep something for yourself, though, whether it is bike riding, reading a good book, or finding a mom’s group that goes out once in a while for a night out. I heard that advice a lot, but still fell out of that habit when we moved and I started staying home for time. Definitely contributed to my depression. I highly recommend looking for a meetup group in your area so you can stay connected with others that can understand and relate to you.
haaaah! This is how I feel just about being married, I can’t believe how much more it would be if I was pregnant.
This is just a life change, and like all changes it probably consumes a LOT of your thinking.