Permission to not do everything

The desire to learn everything and to do everything. I suspect it’s quite common among homeschool-graduates-turned-homeschool-mothers. But even if it’s not as common as I think, I know at least for one person who has it.

In her case, it tends to cause a great deal of trouble.

Because it’s just not possible to do everything. There aren’t enough hours in a day, weeks in a year, or years in a lifetime.

So when she tries to do everything, she ends up frustrated and angry. Angry that she can’t do it all. Angry that other people seem to be able to do everything they want to be doing. Frustrated that even her mere two dozen major goals for the year haven’t been accomplished. Frustrated that only the hundred or so things on her to-do list don’t get accomplished each day. Frustrated that her children are taking her away from doing everything. Frustrated that her home is taking her away from doing everything. Frustrated that people e-mail or call on the phone or tag her on Facebook – keeping her from doing everything. And then she gets frustrated and angry because she knows she shouldn’t feel this way.

She knows she can’t actually learn everything. She knows she can’t actually do everything. She knows that caring for her children, caring for people, caring for her home is the important work she ought to be doing. But she struggles at the end of each day, feeling like she should have done more. No matter what the accomplishments of the day are, she should have done more.

She should have blogged, among other things. She is a blogger after all. She loves to write, she wants to write, she wants to grow as a writer. She’s not at all ready to abandon the blog, the title, the task. But the days are busy and the nights too short. The ideas for posts are there, but never time in front of the computer to turn them into a reality. So she posts once a month, maybe even less. Yet every day, she feels this is one of those things she ought to be doing, wants to be doing. She wants to do everything.

She needs permission. Permission to not do everything.

And so, while I have never intentionally done so before, I am taking a hiatus from bekahcubed (the blog). bekahcubed (the woman) needs permission to not do everything. bekahcubed (the woman) needs permission to not write, to not feel guilty.

I need to give her that permission.

bekahcubed (the blog) will be dormant for the remainder of the year. Should bekahcubed (the woman) feel the urge to write, she will do so (as she has opportunity) and will store up her writings to be shared after the new year. Then, perhaps, she will have achieved the elusive balance, or lowered her standards, or blah. blah. blah. At any rate, she’ll evaluate at that point to see what role blogging should be playing in her future.

For now, blogging is one of those things she needs permission not to do. And I’m giving her that permission.

So there.