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Categories What's on Your Nightstand?

Nightstand (August 2010)

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On last month’s nightstand:

On my nightstandOn my nightstand

What I actually read this month was…
(Click on the titles to see my reviews.)

Fiction

  • Love Comes Softly by Janette Oke
  • The Quest by Nancy Moser
  • Second Time Around by Nancy Moser

Nonfiction

Juvenile

*****************Begin Note**********************
I generally review what I can prior to my nightstand post and figure that I’ll leave what I didn’t get to un-reviewed. I DO NOT want to do that with Jon Meacham’s American Gospel or Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird–both are too excellent to not write about. I hope to write about both over this next week–the reviews will be linked in my “Recap” post that comes out Saturday evenings at 11:59. So if you want to read my thoughts on either of those books, check back sometime on Sunday for the link. Otherwise, if you see a linked title on this post (or any other of my nightstand posts), the link will lead to my review.
*****************End Note**********************

Currently in the middle of…

On my nightstand

  • Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris
    I’m still working on this one slowly with my book group–I’ll let you know when I’ve got a formal review done!
  • Founding Faith by Steven Waldman
    A history of church and state in the United States. So far, quite interesting. It makes a case for there not having been a uniform religion among the Founding Fathers–leading to interesting discussions of the interactions between church and state.
  • Proverbs: The Wisdom of Solomon translated by Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro
    I’m reading this along with my daily Bible reading (which currently has me in Proverbs.) This is a free translation (somewhat akin to the Message, only by a Jewish rabbi who appears to be rather secular)–and it makes for some interesting reading and comparison.
  • A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken
    Lisa reviewed it, I recapped it, Casandra raved about it–and then she lent me her library copy so I could read it (Casandra’s my roommate, for those who were wondering!) Thus far, this is a spectacular true story.

On this month’s nightstand:

I’m going easy on myself this month, recognizing that I’m starting up quite a few new things that’ll likely eat a significant portion of my time. Thus, there are only (!) 13 titles on this month’s nightstand (not counting the homemakey books and the children’s picture books, of course.)

On my nightstand

Fiction

  • By Way of the Silverthorns by Grace Livingston Hill
  • A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
  • Love’s Enduring Promise by Janette Oke
  • Love’s Long Journey by Janette Oke
  • Masquerade by Nancy Moser
  • Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves by P.G. Wodehouse

Nonfiction

  • How to Write & Publish a Scientific Paper by Robert A. Day
  • Manufacturing Depression by Gary Greenberg
  • The Narnian by Alan Jacobs
  • The World According to Mr. Rogers
  • Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen
    (After reading Osteen’s Become a Better You, I’m not sure whether I’ll read this one or not–I’m guessing I’ll skim it just for the basics so I can dialogue about it in an informed manner. Please read my thoughts on Osteen for a better understanding of why I’m reading/skimming this title.)
  • A dozen craft/decorating/homemakey books

Juvenile

  • Children’s Picture Books author BA-?
  • C.S. Lewis: The Chronicler of Narnia by Mary Dodson Wade
  • The Homeschool Liberation League by Lucy Frank

Drop by 5 Minutes 4 Books to see what others are reading.
What's on Your Nightstand?

Categories Book Reviews

Book Review: “The Myth of a Christian Nation” by Greg Boyd

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View my disclosure statement for more information on how I choose books to review.

America is a Christian nation founded on Christian principles. Our founding fathers were Christians. America is a second Israel, a chosen nation to promote God’s message around the world. Christians in America need to take America back for God–we need to outlaw abortion, pass laws to protect the sanctity of marriage, and fight for Christian prayer in schools.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It certainly does to me–a homeschooled daughter of conservative Christians. My school textbooks read America as a Christian nation through and through–until the corrupt sixties destroyed everything. Admittedly, I generally took this story of history with a grain of salt–but I know plenty who had been raised on the secularly revisionist history of the US who now take this “Christian” version as gospel truth. To them, the call to “take America back for God” is THE calling of the American church.

Greg Boyd’s The Myth of a Christian Nation challenges these and other assertions of the “religious right.”

Boyd’s primary thesis is that Christians miss the point when they make political involvement central to faith. Boyd argues that there is a fundamental difference between the way “the kingdoms of the world” operate and the way “the kingdom of God” operates. The kingdoms of the world attempt to change behavior by exercising power over people; while the kingdom of God changes hearts as the church demonstrates what Boyd calls “power under” living–service and self-sacrifice, following the example of Christ in the cross. Boyd argues that when Christians emphasize politics (a “power over” approach), they dilute or pollute their Christian witness–and fail to walk in Christ-like “power under” love.

I have to say that this book was rather uncomfortable for me–pretty much all the way through. While Boyd states from the beginning that his beef is not merely with the “religious right” but with any political agenda that the church takes on as its own, 100% of his criticism is of the religious right. As a conservative, and one who would probably be lumped by pollsters into the category “the religious right”, I struggled against the temptation to be offended by Boyd’s one-sided criticisms of conservatives.

I spent at least the first three chapters “reserving judgment”. I wanted to hear Boyd out, to really listen to what he had to say. And I’m glad I did.

Boyd’s strength in this book is his clear emphasis on how the kingdom of God differs from the kingdom of the world–and that the primary concern of the Christian should be to exercise kingdom of God “power under” rather than kingdom of the world “power over”. He makes a wonderful point that the kingdom of God and the kingdom of the world are completely distinct–and should be kept completely distinct.

“To be sure, a version of the kindgdom of the world that effectively carries out law, order, and justice is indeed closer to God’s will for the kingdom of the world.… But no version of the kingdom of the world is closer to the kingdom of God than others because it does its job relatively well. For God’s kingdom looks like Jesus, and no amount of sword-wielding, however just it may be, can ever get a person, government, nation, or world closer to that. The kingdom of God is not an ideal version of the kingdom of the world; it’s not something that any verison of the kingdom of the world can aspire toward or be measured against. The kingdom of God is a completely distinct, alternative way of doing life.”
~Greg Boyd, The Myth of a Christian Nation

Boyd does a good job, in my opinion, of urging Christians to see living in a Christ-like, others-serving, “power-under” manner as their primary call; rather than seeking political influence as their primary goal. What Boyd does less well is clearly articulate how a Christian might have a godly attitude towards and involvement in politics. That is, one could easily read Boyd and think that the only appropriate thing a Christian can do in relationship with politics is to quietly vote his or her conscience. While Boyd never explicitly says that a Christian could never campaign for a candidate or cause, run for office, or otherwise “move and shake” politically–that is the impression that this book gives.

Because I am not a huge fan of the “Christian nation” narrative made popular in works such as Peter Marshall and David Manuel’s The Light and the Glory, I was not particularly worried about or offended by Boyd’s alternate narrative which makes America out to be an almost completely secular nation (a la current secular revisionist history.) However, my reading on the subject (two excellent books on church and state and the founding of America are Jon Meacham’s American Gospel and Steven Waldman’s Founding Faith) suggests that the reality fell somewhere in between these two extremes. Again, since my presupposition (as well as my reading of history) falls somewhere between the two extremes, I took Boyd’s rendering with a grain of salt, just as I have with Marshal and Manuel’s. But I wonder if Boyd’s extreme secular interpretation fo history would drive away those who have fully bought into what Boyd calls the “Myth” of a christian nation–making them unable or unwilling to see his true thesis amidst their (partly justifiable) outrage.

I have tons more thoughts on The Myth of a Christian Nation–but I’m already running rather long. This book (and the book club with which I read it) challenged me greatly, changing my mind on some things, clarifying my thoughts on others, and encouraging me to search deeper on yet more. Even though I do not find myself agreeing with everything that Boyd has written (or perhaps because I do not agree with everything Boyd wrote), I am very glad that I read this book–and that I chose to hear Boyd out through the sections which I could have chosen to take deep offense at.

I encourage other readers to do the same. Read this book, choose to reserve judgment, choose to quell the offense you might be tempted to take, choose to search through and pray through Boyd’s thesis. Maybe Boyd will change your mind. Maybe he won’t. But I promise you that you’ll have a deeper and wider perspective on the kingdom of God and on how politics may or may not fit in that for having wrestled with Boyd’s arguments.

Rating:4 stars
Category: Religion and Politics
Synopsis: Boyd argues that “the quest for political power is destroying the church.”
Recommendation: Many may find this book offensive (I know I was definitely tempted to take offense)–but I think Boyd’s thesis is certainly worth grappling with. Christians (particularly those who are interested in politics) would do well to read this book and wrestle through the ideas found within.

Categories Reading My Library

Read-Aloud Favorites

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I don’t often get a chance to read my library selections aloud to youngsters. Instead, I read most of my picture books silently, by myself.

As a result, most of my reviews of children’s picture books are based on, well, my own opinion of the books and how I think youngsters might respond.

But this last week, I had an opportunity to babysit for a couple of my favorite little ones–avid readers at age 4 and 2.

I brought along a selection of library books and we started reading them one by one. We’d gotten about halfway through my stack when they started asking for repeats (instead of continuing through.)

These three titles by Jim Aylesworth were the ones they wanted to hear again:

Children's books by Jim Aylesworth

Country Crossing tells the simple story of a railroad crossing in the nighttime country. All is quiet except for crickets chirping and an owl hooting. But the a car drives up and is stopped at the tracks. The train approaches and departs. The car starts up again and drives away. And the country returns to its quiet activity.

What makes this story unique and repeat read-aloud-able is its use of onomatopoeia and rhythmic language to give the listener a feel for the activity occurring as the car and then the train approach and recede. The illustrations by Ted Rand are old-timey and fairly realistic. I enjoyed reading this one out loud–and the children enjoyed listening and perusing its pages.

Little Bitty Mouse is an understated alphabet book that describes how a little mouse snuck into a house and explored a variety of the house’s contents. Every few pages, the story repeats the refrain

Tip-tip tippy tippy
Went her little mousie toes.
Sniff-sniff sniffy sniffy
Went her little mousie nose

The story is enjoyable, with a nice rhyme scheme and an unobtrusive alphabet element.

But the part that probably endeared it to the kids was the very end when the little bitty mousie hears a “ZZZZ” and goes to investigate. What she finds–a cat sleeping–frightens her, and she lets out a “Squeak!” (The four year old jumped every time I turned the page to see the cat and let out my own shrill pitched “Squeak!”)

Sweet Little Bitty Mousie,
Just as scared as scared can be,
Went run run run run running!
That was all she cared to see!

Jim Aylesworth’s Book of Bedtime Stories is a compilation of four stories. We started to read these a second time, but didn’t get all the way through due to the kids’ Mommy arriving home. So I’m not sure exactly what appealed; but, like the other two stories, these stories featured a pleasant rhythm and rhyme structure, fun onomatopoeia, and simple but engaging story lines.

These stories were a hit with a couple of kids–and this reader wasn’t complaining about the repeats!

Reading My LibraryFor more comments on children’s books, see the rest of my Reading My Library posts or check out Carrie’s blog Reading My Library, which chronicles her and her children’s trip through the children’s section of their local library.


Categories The Week in Words

WiW: On Christian Occupation

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The Week in Words

On what sets Christians apart:

“‘And they’re all so–so happy in their Christianity,’ said Davy.

And I said, ‘Could it be–that happiness–what’s called “Christian joy”, do you think?’

That night I wrote in our journal: ‘The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness….Indeed, there are impressive indications that the positive quality of joy is in Christianity–and possibly nowhere else. If that were certain, it would be proof of a very high order.'”

~Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy

Christians, and Christians alone, have reason to walk in joy. For it is only we who have certainty of God’s favor, certainty of eternal life, certainty of purpose. We are called to rejoice in all things (Philippians 4:4)–and we have reason to do so.

I love the concept of Christian hedonism–and John Piper’s twist on the Westminster catechism’s answer to the question “What is the chief end of man?” Piper suggests that it should be “to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.”

As Christians, our joy and our occupation are one and the same–the glorification of God. Our task is to glorify Him–and glorifying Him brings us joy.

“Christian joy” is how all other occupations take on their meaning.

On what the world needs:

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

~Howard Thurman (HT: Semicolon)

The only way to truly come alive is to know Christ Jesus, to be crucified with Him and raised to newness of life through Him. But there is a very real sense in which people who do what energizes them are a blessing to the world, simply because they take pleasure in their work.

The thought reminds me of another quote, this one by Eric Liddell, “I believe that God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. When I run, I feel His pleasure.”

Just as Christian joy is not an end in and of itself, but a logical outcome of glorifying God, so outreach is not an end in and of itself, but a direct outcome of the Christian’s pleasure in God and awareness of God’s pleasure in him.

What this world needs is fully alive people, walking (or running) in the pleasure of the Lord.

On the virtue of wasting time:

“Drinking beer with friends is perhaps the most underestimated of all Reformation insights and essential to ongoing reform.”

~Carl Truman

This article was really quite insightful, talking about the value of rest. It reminded me of I Corinthians 10:31 “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” And indeed, while the worldly man is given either to workaholism or to sloth, the Christian has reason to rejoice in both diligent work and regular rest.

Whether you’re a beer drinker or not (I’m not–stuff smells too nasty!), there’s a definite aspect in which this is true. Time “wasted” in relaxation and relationships (not in front of the tube) has purpose. God Himself rested, setting a pattern for us to follow. And God designed us to live in relationship with others.

We can glorify God as we run, as we work, as we play, as we relax with a cup/mug/glass of our beverage of choice.

We can do all things for the glory of God. And, as John Piper puts it, God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Collect more quotes from throughout the week with Barbara H’s meme “The Week in Words”.

Categories Family & Friends

Sunday Snapshot: LAN Party

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In the past week or two, three of my four brothers have built themselves computers. They have finally conceded that laptops are a bad investment (I’ve been telling them this for years–my desktop is showing no signs of waning after 7 years while most of them have gone through two laptops in the same period.) And, apart from the economics, they also realize that desktops are immensely preferable as gaming computers.

That, after all, is really why they built their computers.

So last Sunday, after our family (plus some) lunch, Daniel set up a table in the basement and traveled home to get his computer. John went to his separate corner of the city to get his computer. And Timothy brought his down from upstairs.

Daniel, John, and Timothy on computers

In between chatting with my folks, processing my pickles, and crocheting a Christmas ornament, I popped downstairs to take a few photos.

John gave the signal and each boy raised his hand to avoid a face photo.

I switched sides, making it harder for Dan to hide his face–but he managed it nonetheless.

Just another Sunday afternoon when the Menter children re-converge on their house of origin.

Categories Recap

Recap (August 15-21)

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On bekahcubed

Book Reviews:

  • The Cross of Christ by John Stott

    Rating: *****
    Category:Theology of the Cross
    Synopsis: John Stott gives a comprehensive, readable theology of the cross.
    Recommendation: This is life-transforming information Stott unpacks. Read it.

    Read the rest of my review.

  • Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb

    Rating: ****
    Category: Relationships/Memoir/Sociology
    Synopsis: Gottlieb explains how being a picky dater can lead women to lonely lives.
    Recommendation: This book has a lot of merit. Single women should consider its thesis carefully.

    Read the rest of my review.

  • The Quest by Nancy Moser

    Rating: 0 stars
    Category: Christian Fiction
    Synopsis: A group of people representing the pieces of the armor of God must join together to battle a demon who wants to destroy them.
    Recommendation: The theological premises of this book are awful–and since the whole story seems designed to push this faulty theology, I see little redeeming value. Don’t read this book.

    Read the rest of my review.

Recipes:

On the web

Laugh out loud funnies:

  • Some TERRIFIC money saving tips

    “Stop paying income taxes. Although it seems counterintuitive, if you stop paying federal income taxes, the federal government will actually step in and pay for your room and board!”

    HT: Evangelical Outpost

Books for the TBR list:

  • Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson
    Confession: I enjoy YA girls fiction of the frothy sort. Think Princess Diaries (although I did eventually get fed up with that series and quit on it.) Suite Scarlett sounds like a perfect match for someone who likes YA girls froth but would prefer to have a bit of substance to go along with it (Or maybe substance isn’t the word. Jennifer’s review described it as “Scarlett isn’t one of those YA heroines who spends time hanging out with friends, ditching school and going to parties.”) I think I might enjoy this series.

News to take note of:

  • A German millionaire on giving to private charities:

    “The donors are taking the place of the state. That’s unacceptable.”

    “It is all just a bad transfer of power from the state to billionaires. So it’s not the state that determines what is good for the people, but rather the rich want to decide. That’s a development that I find really bad. What legitimacy do these people have to decide where massive sums of money will flow?”

    Maybe that it’s THEIR money? Ever thought of that? This absolutely blows me away. Heaven forbid that individuals take the place of the state (although, strangely enough, I don’t ever recall the place of the state as being to “determine what is good for the people.” Maybe “act in a way that is good for the people”, but never “determine what is good for the people”).
    HT: Instapundit

Thought-provoking posts:

  • Vitamin Z wonders why so few churches have communion every week:

    “The only reason I have heard for not doing it every week is that ‘we want to keep it special’. But why don’t we say that about singing or preaching? Shouldn’t we also want to keep those things special as well? Can you think of any other reasons for why we shouldn’t participate in the Lord’s Supper every week? Fearful of solidarity with Catholics? Is this just a traditional routine that most churches don’t mess with? What do you think? “

    My church has no set schedule for celebrating the Lord’s Supper–and definitely celebrates less rather than more. But whenever we do have communion, someone soberly reminds us that we are not to take communion as a “routine”. I generally cringe at that point and then have to get my heart right again before I actually take communion–I’m not too fond of my church’s attitude towards this sacrament.

  • Tim Challies explains why books are better than e-books:

    “Some time ago I was at a library where I saw a book written by an old, old author. That book had been owned by two great theologians, first by one and then by another (who had purchased much of that first man’s library). Contained in the book were notes and remarks by those theologians, one remarking on the work itself and the other reflecting both on the work and on the other theologian’s notations. It was fascinating to see how different people had experienced that book, how it had become interactive in its own way. That is not easily reproduced in an e-book format.”

    This happens to be one of my favorite way to read books–with a pen in hand and someone else’s notes already in the margin. It brings a whole new dimension to “doing theology in community.” I’ve learned to enjoy it so much that I practically beg people to borrow my books and write notes in them–Thanks, Gracebug, for scribbling up Desiring God! (See my review of The Lord’s Supper: 5 Views for more thoughts on the topic.)

Videos worth seeing:

  • John Piper on the movie-watching habits of Christians:

Related to previous posts:

  • Kevin DeYoung on the ministry of rebuke:

    “The goal of a rebuke, like any kind of discipline, is always restoration. It’s not punitive, but palliative. A loving rebuke is not supposed to be like a gunshot, but like a flu shot. It may hurt, but the goal is to help you get healthy.”

    This one seemed to relate well with my “Heresy Hunter” case study (Part 1 and Part 2)

Categories Memes

For Gracie Poo

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Gracie complains that bekahcubed is too boring and gives that as the reason why she doesn’t read. I’m inclined to think boring is in the eye of the beholder–but because I’d love to have her read, I’m including some stuff she might find interesting.

At least I’m assuming she’d find this meme interesting, since I stole it from her!

Have you ever….
(I wasn’t supposed to elaborate on any of these unless asked. So, there you go.)

Q: Kissed someone on your (Facebook) friends list?
No
Q: Been arrested?
No
Q: Do you like someone?
Yes
Q: Held a snake?
Yes
Q: Been suspended from school?
No
Q: Sang karaoke?
Yes
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?
Yes
Q: Laughed until you started crying?
Yes
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Yes
Q: Kissed in the rain?
No
Q: Sang in the shower?
Yes
Q: Sat on a roof top?
Yes
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
No
Q: Broken a bone?
Yes
Q: Shaved your head?
No
Q: Played a prank on someone?
Yes
Q: Shot a gun?
No
Q: Donated Blood?
Yes

Who was the last person…

1. You hung out with?
Anna, Casandra, Joanna, Erin, Amber, Kim, Jeremy, Steve, Tim, and John
2. You texted?
Mary
3. You were in a car with?
Anna
5. You missed?
Can’t say
6. You called?
Mom
7. Made you laugh?
John B
8. You hugged?
Dana

This or that?

1. Sun or moon? Moon
Sun
2. Winter or Summer?
Summer
3. Left or Right?
Right
4. Sunny or rainy?
Sunny (with a thunderstorm midafternoon)
5. Where do you live?
Lincoln, NE
6. Club or pub?
Club sandwich over pub burger
7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on?
Yes
8. Do you want to get married?
Yes
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Both
10. What time is it?
0824
11. Are you afraid of commitment?
Doubt it
12. What is your greatest hope/wish?
That God would be glorified through me
13. Do you cook?
Yes
14. Current mood?
Struggling to come up with a mood…

In the last 48 hours, have you…

1. Kissed someone?
Nope
2. Sang?
Worship songs for a half hour or so in the car
3. Listened to music?
Lots of traveling yesterday, so lots of music too (borrowed CDs from the library)
4. Danced Crazy?
No, unless you count the little dance I did trying to get the gang to guess “boogie board” last night.
5. Cried?
Yes, but I can’t remember why. All I know is I had some tears seeping out of my eyes. I was talking with Casandra–but I can’t even remember if they were happy, sad, or indifferent tears.
6. Liked someone you can’t have?
Yes

25 Firsts….

1. Who was your first prom date?
Never been
2. Who was your first roommate?
Anna
3. What was your first alcoholic beverage?
James Arthur Vineyard’s “San Realto”–Amazing.
4. What was your first job?
Washing dishes for my across the street neighbor
5. What was your first car?
Benny–short for Benedick (as in from Much Ado about Nothing). Oh, he was a Chevy… What model was he? That’s right, a Cavalier
6. When was your first funeral and viewing?
When my little cousin was born stillborn
8. Who was your first grade teacher?
See Cast of Characters on sidebar: Mom
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
Seward, Nebraska–a JAARS plane. Next ride? Sweden.
11. Who was your first Best Friend?
Anna
12. Who is your best friend?
I’m not sure if I have a “best friend”. I have a number of close friends who are like family to me (or are family to me). See my “cast of characters” sidebar for more info.
13. Where was your first sleepover?
Ariann’s
14. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
My mom
15. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman?
Tiffany’s (Grace complains that she won’t be in mine–I appreciate very small wedding parties.)
16. What’s the first thing you did when you got up this morning?
Made my bed–it’s a habit
17. What was the first concert you went to?
SonicFlood. They were loud.
18. What was the last concert you went to?
East High’s year-end revue
19. First tattoo or piercing?
Ears, eight years old. Got infection. Never again.
20. First celebrity crush?
Not really into celebs
22. First crush?
Kyle Pitman (stolen from my sister when I was six or seven)
23. Current Crush?
It’s been a while since I had a crush–I’m getting a bit old for that.

…And now it’s off to babysit a couple of my favorite kids. Yippee!!!

Categories Book Notes, Relationships

A Dose of Cold, Hard Reality

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“There is no such thing as a perfect man,” Evan basically tells her, “and if there was, he wouldn’t marry you.”

Lori Gottlieb was on her way to a new way of looking at dating and marriage–thanks to a dose of cold, hard reality.

She shares her journey in Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. (See my review here.)

Along the way, she provides a dose of reality for her readers–and I couldn’t stop noting down fantastic quotes.

“Clampitt matches people like this: ‘Number one,’ she said, ‘I look at whether the two people have common relationship goals. Number two, I look at values. Things like independence, family, religion, loyalty. Number three, what are the key qualities this person needs? You get no more than five. Things like, he has to be very intelligent. Number four, I look at shared interests. Interests are great because it’s bonding and stimulating and fun to share those, but the other things are more important for the long-term. I put shared interests last for that reason.”

My dad said something similar when I was reeling from a breakup with a guy with whom I shared a lot of interests. Dad, of course, was saying it as an “other fish in the sea” type comment. But the fact remains, shared interests are only one aspect of a happy marital relationship–and a small aspect at that.

“Ferman says she took immediate physical chemistry off her list when she realized that, given a certain level of attraction, she could find someone very attractive over time.”

I tried to explain this concept to a friend. It took a while, but I think she eventually got it. At least for women, physical attraction is about a lot more than the physical. Physical attraction is just as much a function of shared values, experiences, thoughts, emotions.

You say you won’t date someone you’re not attracted to, I ask how you know you’re not attracted to him. Do you know him well enough to know that, really?

No, I’m not saying you should marry someone you’re not physically attracted to. But I am saying that there is a very real sense in which someone you are not attracted to initially becomes very attractive as you get to know them. And I’m not talking about “He has a beautiful mind–so what if I can’t stand his body?” I’m talking about real, honest to goodness physical attraction–but physical attraction that doesn’t exist until other connections have been made.

“So when these matchmakers ask their clients to consider the guy who is too-this or not-that-enough, they’re actually saying something quite simple: You can have rigid expectations and try to find someone who meets them, or you can let go of preconceived notions and find someone you’ll fall in love with.”

I’ve seen the lists a mile high, with dozens of non-negotiables. It’s the Goldilocks phenomenon, except that there’s no “just right” to be found. The problem is, these lists might be lists of what we want, but they’re only occasionally lists of what we need. In the quest for the fantasy man, women are not even giving a first glance to the many real men who might be around–and just might be “Mr. Right”–but who fail to live up to the standards of the non-existent fantasy man.

“Dr. Broder says he sees a heightened sense of entitlement that previous generations didn’t have. Our mothers might have wished, but certainly didn’t expect, that their husbands would constantly want to please them, be attracted to them, entertain them, enjoy sharing all their interests, and be the most charming person in the room. Instead, they knew that marriage involved failing health, aging, boredom, periods of stress and disconnection, annoying habits, issues with children, and hardships and misunderstandings of all sorts. But many women today seem to be looking for an idealized spiritual union instead of a realistic marital partnership.”

Have I ever mentioned that I’m a big fan of Gary Thomas’s book Sacred Marriage? Well, I am. The major question that book asks is “What if God intended marriage not to make us happy, but to make us holy?”

If you’re looking for a marriage in which you can continue living as you please without having to make adjustments, without having to be sanctified, without having to love sacrificially, you’re sadly mistaken about the reality of married life. Marriage requires you to learn selfless love, to lay down your life for and submit to your spouse. The quest for the “perfect” man belies this truth–and sets up marriages for failure. Because even if you manage to find the “perfect man”–and he decides to marry you, marriage is still going to be a challenge, it’s still going to be a process of sanctification.

“If this sounds unromantic, when I look at my friends’ marriages, with their routine day-to-dayness, they actually seem far more romantic than any dating relationship might be. Dating seems romantic, but for the most part it’s an extended audition. Marriage seems boring, but for the most part it’s a state of comfort and acceptance. Dating is about grand romantic gestures that mean little over the long term. Marriage is about small acts of kindness that bond you over a lifetime. It’s quietly romantic.“

Compared to the “dream world” of chick flicks and romance novels, reality can seem pretty cold, pretty hard. But compared to the reality that living in the dream world creates, facing reality is a lot more pleasant.

Categories Flashback Friday

Flashback: Extracurriculars

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Flashback Friday buttonPrompt: What type of extra-curricular school activities did you participate in during your school days? Clubs? Spelling bees or other contests? Cheerleader or drill team? Sports? Journalism? Choir or theater? …

I was one of the “big kids” in a big homeschooling family, and when I was in the “extracurricular” phase, Mom had babies–and then preschoolers–and then elementary-schoolers.

My extracurriculars in elementary school involved…well, I’m not sure I had extracurriculars in elementary school. We belonged to a small church and with Mom being busy with babies, there wasn’t a lot of extra.

When I was a fifth or sixth grader, our church closed its doors and most of the parishioners went to another, larger church. Me and my older sister began attending the weekly “Missionettes” girls group there.

After I completed the Missionettes program as a seventh grader, I chose to volunteer as a “helper” in a Missionettes classroom. I helped in the kindergarten-aged “Daisies” classroom for five or six weeks before the teacher had some difficulties arise and had to quit.

I became the teacher of six to eight kindergarten girls. And I loved it.

I continued as a Missionettes sponsor through my senior year of highschool–and I absolutely adored it. I worked with every age-group of girls over the course of my sponsoring “career”, and was delighted to lead them through a variety of badges–and life experiences.

My other extracurriculars were along a similar vein. I volunteered in the church nursery. I taught Sunday school for a stint. I ran the PowerPoint projection system at church. I played the tambourine when called upon to do so.

In my last couple of years of high school, I developed a passion for discipleship and began meeting with a younger girl to study the Bible together. We met weekly for almost four years–and now I’m pleased to have her as a sister-in-law!

So I don’t have much by way of “extracurriculars”. I was in our church’s youth group and served on our “youth council.” And I volunteered. Apart from that, I read, I rode my bicycle, I walked all over town, I made paper, I wrote.

I didn’t have the traditional high school experience, I know. But I don’t feel deprived. I chose what I wanted to do and took great pleasure in what I did. I wouldn’t trade it for all the clubs and activities in the world.

Visit Linda for more Flashback Friday posts.

Categories Books

Executive Summary

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My dad claims to have only finished one book in his lifetime–a Hardy Boys mystery he finished in high school.

It’s not that my dad isn’t smart. He’s just not a reader. He says he never opened his textbooks–he just attended lectures and explained things to his roommates. He’s not sure reading would have done him any good.

He loves information, loves learning, but he reads slowly, laboriously. It requires a huge amount of work from him.

So he finds other ways of getting information. He listens to lectures, podcasts, and sermons. He reads short chunks online. He listens to talk radio discussions of books. He watches the history channel or documentaries.

And occasionally, he has his children read for him.

I have always been a voracious reader. I started reading in kindergarten, and by first grade, I was sneaking out of bed to read late into the night with the light that streamed from the cracked open bedroom door.

In sixth grade, I read Plato’s Republic and had my dad borrow copies of Jonathon Edwards’ sermons from the University Library.

Shortly thereafter, I became my dad’s designated reader.

He’d buy a book, bring it home, present it to me, and inform me that he wanted an executive summary. (This, of course, was after he’d spent dinner times of my entire elementary years attempting to teach me the concept of “summary”–particularly that a summary was shorter than the original work.)

And so I’d read a book and then give Dad the summary. We’d talk about what I’d read, the ideas found within. I’d read a few quotes aloud and he’d ask questions when my summary wasn’t clear.

It was a fantastic teaching strategy–and a way for Dad to read without reading.

The only problem was that since Dad didn’t actually see the book he was “reading”, he sometimes forgot that he’d “read” it. One day, in my later teen years, he brought me home a book, Spurgeon on Prayer and Spiritual Warfare. I congratulated him on his purchase and told him that he now had a copy for himself. I had my own copy–it was one of the first books I’d summarized for him.

After I went away to college, I had other things to do and the habit of reading and discussing my reading with my dad fell by the wayside.

Until one day, I got a yen for the executive summary. I’m not sure how much my summaries enriched my dad’s mind–but I know that it had an indelible impact on me. I learn so much more when I engage the material, when I talk or write about it, when I discuss it with someone else.

So I started writing executive summaries. This time they’re on my blog. And instead of my dad, you are now my unwitting partners in learning.

Maybe Dad learned from my summaries, maybe he didn’t.

Maybe you enjoy my summaries, maybe you don’t.

But I’m gonna keep writing them, because they keep my mind alive.

(Some examples of books I’ve written executive summaries of in the past year include The Cross of Christ, Forgotten God, Unveiling Islam, and Why We Love the Church)