Following Christ

Categories Following Christ

A Night Not-Quite-Alone

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A month ago, Stephanie issued a challenge to the readers of Offering Hospitality:

Meredith blogged about her practice of spending a day in solitude once a month here, here and here. Her goal, was to pray, read scripture, and focus on God in a location away from her normal distractions.
…
I’m not saying we only spend time with God once a month. I mean having half a day, a whole day, or even overnight set aside to focus on something specific with God. Think of it as offering hospitality to yourself and God.

Will you join me in solitary hospitality?

I said I would and set a date: Thursday, January 20th.

Unfortunately, I was sick as a dog on Thursday, January 20th and I spent the day between my computer and my bed (and the bathroom, bleh!)

And then life had a way of taking up every spare moment after that.

When would I have 3 uninterrupted hours to spend with God?

I occasionally thought of my assent to the challenge, of the vow I’d left undone. I felt guilty, but I felt I couldn’t do anything about it.

Then Stephanie’s Wrap Up Post posted–and I really felt bad.

Still doing nothing.

Then, on my drive from one of my facilities to the other yesterday, I realized it was futile to keep waiting for tomorrow.

How ’bout tonight? I asked myself. And I started plotting.

I’d have an hour and a half drive home–time I usually spent listening to a podcast or audiobook or brainstorming something for work. Then after I got home, I’d have an hour and a half before my sister would get home.

I’d choose to use that time with the Lord.

So I started my solitary retreat in the car. Praying.

It started with a whine, a complaint.

What’s up with this, Lord? What’s up with where you have me? Why this? Why that? And why are You so silent?

I asked for help in specific things.

For some, He was silent. For others, He sent me grasping about for my journal and thankful for red lights so I could write down His words.

“Hold it with a loose hand.”

A simple phrase, not much to it–but the silence was broken.

My heart eventually turned from me, and the headlights of an approaching train reminded me, oddly, to pray for my family. I spent the rest of my drive remembering my family in prayer.

It felt good, to spend concerted time bringing those I love before the One I love.

I still had Grace to go when I got home, so I spent a bit more time praying for her.

Then into my room and snuggled under the covers (our heat pump just can’t quite keep up with Nebraska’s currently subzero temps) with my Bible for some reading.

Nothing in particular, just more from my ordinary Bible reading plan.

But it was me and God together–together for a good long time.

Maybe it wasn’t earth-shattering, but it was soul-quenching.

I’d forgotten that this burden can only be lifted by Him.

I’d forgotten that this longing can only be fulfilled in Him.

I’d forgotten that life is worth living for Him.

I’m so glad He brought it to mind as I spent the night not-quite-alone–with Him.

Check out what others have been learning through their solitary retreats at Offering Hospitality: Solitary Hospitality Challenge Conclusion

Categories Following Christ, Homemaking

Someday is a liar and a thief…

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You’ve heard it. You’ve probably said it. “Someday when I have a larger house…” “Someday when I don’t have to work…” “Someday when my house gets clean…” Maybe “Someday when I learn how to cook…”

For me, it was “Someday when I’m a housewife and the ministry of home can be my full-time job…”

That was the someday I eagerly anticipated all through my high school years.

It’s a someday that still hasn’t arrived.

Yet by God’s grace, He revealed to me a little secret…

I’m honored to be a guest poster at Offering Hospitality today. Click through to read the rest.

Categories Following Christ

Condemnation or Christ Jesus

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I sit in condemnation.

Undisciplined, lazy, foolish. I heap insults upon myself.

I remind myself that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, but my reminders fail at their attempted meaning.

My mind keeps offering buts.

But I’m not walking as I ought.

But I’m behind in my Bible reading, behind in my Scripture memory.

But I’m late for Sunday school.

But I stayed up too late working crossword puzzles.

But, but, but…. I stand condemned in my own eyes.

Then I sit in worship and the words wash over me. “You’re altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me.”

And I get it.

The problem with this condemnation is pride. It’s me turning my eyes onto myself, onto what I’ve done or not done.

What I’ve done or not done is not the point. The point is what Christ has done, who He is.

So turn, Rebekah, turn your eyes from self to Christ. Turn your thoughts from self-condemnation to Christ-glorification.

Turn your heart. Turn your heart to Him.

Categories Following Christ

I would have lost heart

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“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!”

~Psalm 27:13-14

It’s been a long year.
It’s been a tough year.

I’ve been tempted to give up a hundred times (a day).
I’ve been tempted to lose hope.

And I would have–
except for one thing.

I believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Years ago, a girl in our church wrote a song based loosely on Psalm 27. I sing my best memory of it now and am reminded that I have hope, even in the moments when I find myself melancholy and almost ready to despair.

Here’s my best memory (which is, I’m sure, quite imperfect):

I am needing, You are giving
I am weary, You offer rest
Though all of me is not much to offer
You give me Your best

You’re the one my heart is needing
Lord, my hunger You satisfy
Hear my cry of desperate pleading
In You I long to abide

And I will see the goodness of the Lord
I will see the goodness of the Lord my God
In the land of the living

~Beth Calcara (now Swihart)

Categories Following Christ

Pride: My heart’s dark core

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It’s a comfortable sin, one I barely recognize until I’m called on it, until something bumps it and causes it to bristle.

Pride.

The root that says I deserve, I have a right, you ought to treat me well.

I tell my Bible study how I don’t want a Mephibosheth. I had one once–a student who was completely dependent on me. I had great motives when I started discipling her–I saw her need and I wanted to share the love of Christ with her. But she and her family abused my care. They were careless with my time, with my money, with what I was giving. I don’t want another Mephibosheth. I don’t want to be used like that again.

My Bible study leaders ask me what I learned through that experience. I struggle to come up with an answer. All I can think of is the injustice done to me–and when I was trying to be altruistic.

“It’s Pride.” Kathy says.

I realize she’s right. It’s pride that insists on its own rights, insists on being treated well.

Cathy shares her story of discovering her own pride in thinking that a woman she’s sharing with couldn’t teach her anything.

I discover my pride when I read an article from Practical Shepherding on how a newly married man can disciple his wife.

I bristled at the thought of a husband trying to disciple me. Who would he be to teach me anything? Encourage me, sure. Rebuke me, yes. But teach me? I don’t need to be taught.

“That’s pride,” the voice of the Lord said.

And once again, I was forced to grapple with my heart’s dark core.

Pride.

Pride that makes me think I can teach others but need not be taught myself. Pride that makes me think that I have something to offer others but that no one else has anything to offer me.

Pride that makes me think I deserve to be made much of. I deserve to be appreciated. I deserve to be treated fairly, nicely, with mercy.

I find myself arrogantly agreeing with Mr. Darcy that “pride, where there is a real superiority of mind–Pride is always in good measure.”

But it isn’t.

First, because compared to Christ, I have no superiority of which to boast. Second, because even Christ, who was superior in every way, humbled Himself and became obedient.

My heart needs a makeover–but not of the outside. My heart needs a coring, a removal of its center. My pride must be excised before its cancer corrupts my whole being. My pride must be rid, or I will have made myself an enemy I can’t afford to have.

‘God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.’

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

~James 4:6-10

Categories Following Christ

To whom shall I go?

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Usually, I am a voracious reader.

I have almost 200 blog subscriptions in my Google Reader, I read around ten books a week.

I delight in words and almost always have an appetite for them.

Today, I find them unpalatable.

These words bring me no joy just now.

So the items continue to pile up in my feed reader. 603 and counting.

My books lie on my nightstand or in my briefcase unread.

Only one book can feed my hungry spirit just now.

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

~John 6:68

Categories Following Christ

Envying the Wicked

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It’s easy to envy the wicked, to covet the peace and prosperity the godless seem to enjoy. I look at their houses, their husbands, their children, their jobs. Why cannot I have such things as they?

Because I have one thing far better.

I have God.

He’ll never leave.

Their houses and goods, friendships and family could all vanish–my God will always remain.

Their possessions are always subject to loss.

Mine, if Christ is my all, is eternally secure.

He will never leave me.

He will never forsake me.

What are a thousand earthly possessions compared to that?

“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
~Hebrews 13:5

Categories Following Christ

God Provides

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A week and a half ago, at the last minute, I was asked to teach the elementary-aged Sunday school at my church. As the kids are currently between curricula, I had to come up with the material for myself.

I chose the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac as my lesson–mostly for the sake of convenience. You see, I’m a true believer in gospel-centered teaching–and that story doesn’t require any work to get to the gospel-center.

Isaac was going to die. God provided a substitute. It’s as easy as that.

Even Abraham’s obedience can’t be simply taken as a moral to-do: “You should obey.” The point of Abraham’s obedience was faith displaying itself in action. Abraham believed that God would be faithful to His promise, therefore Abraham was able to trust God and be obedient to His direction.

So the story of Abraham and Isaac makes a nice text for a gospel-centered teacher.

Then, I was asked to teach for the next week.

I figured I’d just follow the chronology of Scripture. Isaac and Rebekah. Another story of God’s provision–this time of a wife for Isaac.

Abraham had a predicament. His family was all alone in the land of Canaan–and the only women around were godless Canaanites. His son Isaac is single, but he needs a wife if God’s promise that Abraham would be the father of a great nation was to be fulfilled. And Abraham can’t well send his son back to his homeland. He can’t risk Isaac not returning. After all, God had promised to give Abraham’s descendants this land–the land of Canaan.

Abraham sends his servant back to the land of his origin. The servant prays for provision–and God provides a wife for Isaac.

Abraham and his son Isaac had a need. God provided for their need in Rebekah.

The import of this story smacks me upside the head.

God provides.

Last week, we saw Him provide a lamb. This week He provides a spouse in a land without godly women. If I’d gone back a few stories, I’d have seen that God provided water for Hagar and Ishmael when they were in a waterless desert; God provided a son to the barren Sarah; God provided an escape for Lot from the doomed cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

And here I am worrying about my career, about my future, distressed over the personal barrenness I (and even those around me) see in the city I’ll soon be relocating to. It looks to be a good move for me professionally. Personally, it feels like death to my dreams.

I’m Abraham saying “How can I have a son? I’m old.” I’m Sarah laughing that there might be room for the promise in my barren body. I’m Hagar laying down to die because I have no water. I’m Isaac asking where the sacrifice is, then staring in terror as my father restrains me and places me on the altar. I’m Abraham’s servant asking “But what if no woman is willing to come back with me to marry your son?”

And amidst my need, amidst my lack of faith, God provides.

Not one of His good promises will fail. My needs will never go unmet. God sees my every need and provides. First, He provides me with Himself–my ultimate, deepest need. But then He also provides me with every temporal thing He deems necessary to accomplish His good purposes through my life.

I intended to teach the gospel to some children through a couple of Old Testament stories. I ended preaching the gospel to myself through the same stories. For one truth permeates the pages of Scripture: I, we, all of humanity are desperately needy–and God provides for our needs in Christ Jesus.

Categories Book Notes, Following Christ

Inciting Passion

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This year, I have been concentrating on exercising my mind towards the things of God.

No doubt my longer-term readers have noticed the emphasis of this blog shifting from anecdotes to thinking and theology. Those who have seen my book lists have seen weightier books appearing more often on my lists–and have seen a greater emphasis on critical evaluation in my reviews. Those who know me personally have likely seen or heard some of my intellectual struggles of this past year as I’ve wrestled with the role of the miraculous gifts in today’s church, with what might appropriately induce someone to leave a church, with the role of Christians in government, with non-violence as a Christian virtue, and more.

Now, as I return to the classroom, teaching again, I still intend to exercise my mind towards the things of God–but to that I add one more goal.

I would like to stir up my passions towards God.

I want to incite within my soul such a thirst for God that I find the murky waters of this world unfulfilling. I should like to develop such a taste for God that I will turn aside from every trifle this world offers. I would like to desire God so deeply, so fully that the desire for Him drowns out every desire for any other person or thing. I should like for Him to become my consuming passion, my deepest longing, my forever quest.

I am reading John Piper’s Desiring God–and as I read, I am crying:
“Lord, awaken my hunger. Lord, awaken my thirst. Lord, awaken longing. Awaken my desire–for You.”

“I know of no other way to triumph over sin long-term than to gain a distaste for it because of a superior satisfaction in God.”
~John Piper, Desiring God

O Lord, I desire to find such superior satisfaction in You!

“…it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us…We are far too easily pleased.”
~C.S. Lewis, quoted in Desiring God

O Lord, may I not be easily pleased by the small joys this world offers.

“…This persistent and undeniable yearning for happiness was not to be suppressed, but to be glutted–on God!”
~John Piper, Desiring God

O that I may be glutted on You!

“God is glorified not only by His glory’s begin seen, but by its being rejoiced in.”
~Jonathon Edwards, quoted in Desiring God

May my life bring You glory as I rejoice in You.

“The pleasure Christian Hedonism seeks is the pleasure that is in God Himself. He is the end of our search, no the means to some further end.”
~John Piper, Desiring God

O, that I might delight in You, not as a means to my heart’s desire, but because You are my heart’s desire.

(This is a reflection on the foreword and introduction to John Piper’s Desiring God. For more reflections on Desiring God, see my notes here.)

Categories Book Notes, Following Christ

Pleasure seeking

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To be human is to be a pleasure-seeker.

We are fond of thinking of the dissipated fellow partying all night, drunken, sleeping around, and experimenting with drugs as a pleasure-seeker. We are not likely to think of the sturdy fellow who goes to school, gets a job, and raises a family as a pleasure-seeker. Instead, we call him a level-headed chap. Then there are the philanthropists and volunteers. We call them altruistic. Certainly they are not pleasure-seekers. And finally, there is the missionary who travels to a different land to face certain death. He cannot be a pleasure-seeker, we say. We either call him crazy or a hero for his self-sacrifice.

Yet each of these is a pleasure-seeker.

Pleasure seeking does not distinguish one man from another, for pleasure seeking is a trait common to man. What separates one man from another is not that he seeks pleasure, but what he seeks pleasure in.

Furthermore, what separates one man from another is his relative success at not only seeking but finding pleasure.

The dissipated man is forever chasing a fleeting pleasure, a buzz that quickly fades. The steady man may have traded these “buzzes” for the pleasures of stability and comfort. The altruistic man has denied the buzz of the dissipated man–and perhaps even the stability and comforts of the stead man–for the pleasures of “doing the right thing” or the laud of other men.

All of these are pleasure-seekers, seeking pleasure in a variety of things. Each man trades some form of pleasure for another, depending on what he feels most likely to bring him long term pleasure. Some pleasures last longer than others. None of these last forever.

The Christian does the same thing. The difference is that while all these other pleasures are earthly and momentary, the Christian knows the source of true eternal pleasure.

The Chinese believers who face certain death as they seek a way into North Korea to share the gospel of Christ crucified and risen–they do so in pursuit of pleasure. They deem Christ the highest pleasure t be found–and are thus willing to forgo even fleshly life itself in order to chase after Him.

Crazy?

Only if God is not the eternal source of pleasure.

Heroes?

Perhaps.

Or maybe just the ultimate in pleasure-seekers.

God-seekers

(This is the beginning of my notes and reflections on Desiring God by John Piper. See other notes on the same topic by clicking the Desiring God tag.)