My GREAT Aunts

The Cook Clan, to which I belong, is a clan that is blessed with women.

Of my mother’s eleven siblings, nine of them are sisters.

So I grew up in a world dominated by aunts (although they managed to bring not a few men into the fold as in-laws.)

Some of my earliest childhood memories are of taking romps with a whole passel of aunts, attending the wedding of one aunt or the other, picking up an aunt from her university classes.

My aunts are all smart, brilliant even. The Cook girls were almost universally valedictorians of their class. Most of them went to the University on academic scholarships.

The Cook family, Christmas 1984

The Cook Clan, Christmas 1984

But it isn’t their brains or even the fond memories of childhood play that make me declare that I have the greatest aunts in the world.

It’s Facebook that has convinced me that my aunts are the best.

My aunts read my Facebook stati, the links I post, the blog posts that get automatically transferred as notes. And they comment with wisdom and humor.

I linked to an article about an amusing medical condition. An aunt commented her LOL–and then later privately messaged me. “I’ve been thinking about that article a little more and realized that your younger cousins can see it as well. It’s pretty graphic, and I’m not sure their parents want to have to explain those things.” She was absolutely right–and I never would have thought of it. I removed the link and, thanks to her wisdom, spared my younger cousins from seeing something inappropriate.

I spill my heart, share some of the difficulties I’ve been experiencing–and an aunt comments just to say “I feel you.” When I demonstrate inappropriate thinking, an aunt steps in to lovingly rebuke me, encouraging me to be compassionate towards myself. When I comment on her stati, an aunt responds with an affirmation “Bekah, maybe you should stay in school and get that PhD. I can see you being a professor.”

I mention the “fertility charm” I received as a gift, stating that I won’t be wearing it as I’m lacking certain prerequisites. An aunt comments to say that there are more ways to be fertile than just having babies. “And I would say Rebekah you are very full of fruit, in the Godly way!”

What a blessing to have aunts who are full of wisdom and encouragement–and who are willing to share it so freely.

Cook girls, Thanksgiving 2009

Some of my aunts in their traditional kitchen cabal,
discussing some important issue of the day
Thanksgiving 2009

“…the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things–that they admonish the young women to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
Titus 2:3-5

I am so grateful to have such wonderful aunts, who fear God and seek to follow His ways–and who encourage me to do the same.


My Muslim Friend

I’ve got a Muslim classmate–actually, I’m sure that I have several Muslim classmates. But I have one particular Muslim classmate with whom I converse on occasion.

I’m not sure how we met or started talking. But somehow, we did. And since our paths often lie in the same direction, we walk together and talk every so often.

The thing is, I’m acutely aware that he is a man and I a woman. And I’m not sure where propriety draws a line. I know enough of Muslim culture to know not to initiate friendship with a Muslim man. I haven’t done that. But what about when a Muslim man initiates friendship with a single, non-Muslim woman? That’s where the tricky part comes in.

What culture does Muhammad (I’ll call him that here, for it is his name, even though I call him by another name in “real life”) belong to, and which culture’s rules should I follow in responding to him? He is Libyan by birth, he studied in Malaysia, and now he is here in the US pursuing an advanced degree.

Do I treat him as just a fellow grad student? Do I treat him as an international student (whatever that might look like)? Or do I treat him as a Muslim man?

Most of you probably know that I don’t believe in “best friendships” with guys. I don’t think that kind of heart intimacy is appropriate for a platonic male-female relationship. So I have no intention of taking this friendship to a heart level.

The “problem” is that I want for Muhammad to know Christ–just as I want all of my friends to know Christ. But sharing Christ with a Muslim man is different than sharing Christ with a non-Muslim man. I don’t know if I’m equal to the task. I don’t know if I should be.

So for now, I pray that I would walk in wisdom. I pray that the Holy Spirit would guide me to not act or speak out of turn–and to know when and if it is appropriate to speak. Most of all, I pray that God would give Muhammad male Christian friends who would be bold to share the gospel with him.

Will you join me in praying?


Eventually or immediately

Mark 1:10 “And immediately, coming up from the water, He saw the heavens parting and the Spirit descending upon Him like a dove.”

Mark 1:12 “Immediately the Spirit drove Him into the wilderness.”

Mark 1:18 “They immediately left their nets and followed Him.”

Mark 1:20 “And immediately He called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants and went after Him.”

Mark 1:21 “Then they went into Capernaum, and immediately on the Sabbath He entered the synagogue and taught.”

Mark 1:28 “And immediately His fame spread throughout all the region around Galilee.”

Mark 1:31 “So He came and took her by the hand and lifted her up, and immediately the fever left her. And she served them.”

“Then He said to another, “Follow Me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and preach the kingdom of God.” And another also said, “Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house.” But Jesus said to him, “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.””
–Luke 9:59-62

It’s time for me to get to work. Immediately.


Assurance and Trust

It’s amazing how you can read something or sing something a hundred times, but it can continue to have new meaning each and every time.

A little over a month ago, I was overwhelmed by the task that seemed to be looming before me, fearful for what the future might bring. And when I sat down to sing some old hymns, the fifth verse of “Trust and Obey” struck me.

Then in fellowship sweet,
we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way
What He says we will do
Where He sends we will go
Never fear, only trust and obey.

He relieved my fears and gave me grace to trust Him for that particular path.

Now He has blocked the way along that particular path.

And new verses comfort my soul.

Not a burden we bear
Not a sorrow we share
But our toil He doth richly repay
Not a grief nor a loss
Not a frown nor a cross
But is blest if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove
the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay
For the favor He shows
and the joy He bestows
Are for them who will trust and obey.

I don’t want to lay my heart, my desire on the altar. It truly is a sorrow, a grief, a loss. But if, in giving this up, I can somehow prove the delights of His love, then surely my loss is not in vain. I will choose, despite the pain, to trust and obey.

Today, I moved from “Trust and Obey” to the nearby songs, categorized under the heading “Assurance and Trust”.

And God ministered to my broken soul through the words of “Be Still, My Soul.”

Be still, my soul!
The Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change, He faithful will remain
Be still my soul
Thy best, thy heavenly friend
Thro thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

God IS for me (Romans 8:31). He is faithful (I Thessalonians 5:24). He will work all things (even my pain) together for good (Romans 8:28). I can be still. I can trust Him–in every change.

Be still, my soul
thy God doth undertake
to guide the future as He has the past
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last
Be still my soul
The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below

God does not change (Hebrews 13:8). He was sovereign yesterday, and He is still sovereign today. Even though I don’t understand why, He does. And the circumstances are still under His power.

So be still, be still my soul. Rest in the arms of your Creator, your Pursuer, your Lover. Amidst the sorrow of this world, take delight in His unfailing grace. Find rest in Him alone.


Thankful Thursday: A Sovereign God

Today I’m thankful that the following are true:

  • “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8)
  • Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” (James 1:17)
  • “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5)
  • “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)
  • “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord…” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

God is good. He is trustworthy. He is sovereign. His plan for me, whatever that is, is for His glory and for my joy. I can trust my life, every part of it, to His hand, knowing that even if things do not go MY way, God is working all things in my favor.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover, whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?” (Romans 9:28-32)

This Piper video, which I discovered via Buzzard Blog, serves only to reinforce my hope in God’s sovereignty.

Join with me, if you will, in singing “Great is Thy Faithfulness.”

Verse 1:
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.

Chorus:
Great is Thy Faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy Faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

Verse 2:
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.

Verse 3:
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside.


Thankful Thursday: Truth

Thankful that amidst the whirl of feelings and thoughts and hormones (yes, big girls have those too!), Truth is steadfast.

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14:6)–and “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Heb 13:8).

He is Truth, and He is unchanging. Steadfast, immovable, a rock on which to build my life.

Many a time in the past several weeks, I’ve been reminded of Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” I so long to be a wise woman, one who builds my house–but I am reminded even today of how that house is to be built.

In Matthew 7:24, Jesus said “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.” It is only if my house is founded on the rock, the foundation of obedience to Christ, that I can build a house that will stand.

So, Lord, give me grace to fix my eyes on You beyond the many things I would be tempted to focus my gaze upon. Give me grace to hear Your word above the word of my own mind or my own heart. Give me grace to be obedient to Your direction, whether my heart and will agree or not.

I recognize that unless You build my house, all my housebuilding labor is in vain (Ps 127:1). So, Lord, I ask that you would work in me to will and to do Your good pleasure, building my home on the truth of who You are and what You have spoken.

Thank You for the wise friends and counselors who continue to remind me to turn my eyes towards You, You who are Truth.


Reflections on 2009

2009 has been a year of completions and of new beginnings (as perhaps every year is, when all is said and done.)

This year, I completed my six year quest to become a Registered Dietitian. After my long years of undergraduate school, overgraduate school :-), internship, and test anxiety, I am finally Rebekah Menter, RD, LMNT.

This year, two of my best friends completed their PA training and moved from my house to their own respective houses hours away. My sister is no longer my roommate, for (almost) the first time since I was born. She’s moving on, into the things God has prepared for her.

This year, after years of watching Dan and Debbie move from childhood crushes to friends to girlfriend and boyfriend, my dreams (and theirs) are coming to a culmination: we will welcome Debbie into the Menter family in June of 2010.

This year, after years of anxiously tugging on God’s shirt, begging for a chance to pursue a relationship with a man, God has said that the time is right. And so I venture into the unknown world of courtship myself.

But one thing has not changed this year. He who began the good work in me continues to be faithful. When I reach the bottom, He lifts my head. When I almost reach the sky, He is the tether that lets me fly. When I am at the end of myself, He is all-sufficient. He who began the good work in me is faithful to complete it. Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on (by His grace), that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has already laid hold of me…Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


The Christmas Haul

Allow me to be the first to affirm that Christmas is NOT all about presents. But I have found myself amazed in recent years by the gifts I’ve received. Not because the gifts were absolutely spectacular in their own right, or because I’m all about getting new things–but because of the way the gifts I’ve received reflect the love and care of my family.

This year, I got…

  • A funnel, a filter wrench, and a oil pan from John
    The oil pan is probably the coolest thing ever. It’s ginormous, but it collects all the oil INSIDE of it, and can be sealed so it won’t spill while waiting to be disposed of. Then, when it’s time to dispose of the oil? The pan has a convenient spout for disposal. Say goodbye to messy oil changes–I’ve got all the tools to make it easy as pie!
  • Camelpack
    Time to start training for that big bike ride across Nebraska! And for me, hydration is key. Now I can do it in style.
  • Two puzzles
    Payback, I’m sure, for the many years I’ve bought “the fam” puzzles for Christmas. Now it’s time to get some of my own done!
  • A trash can for my recycling
    I’ve had a bucket in my kitchen for collecting recyclables. Now I can upgrade to a trash can thanks to John–who generally ridicules recycling but cares about me enough to get me what I care about.
  • Double 15 dominoes
    Every household should have a set, and since Anna moved out, my household’s been without. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
  • A utensil tray
    I’ve been keeping my silverware in a little cardboard box since Anna moved out. Now I have a proper utensil tray so I can keep everything divided. What’s more, my mom found it at the used store! (I appreciate my mom’s thriftiness and care. While all of us received new gifts from Mom and Dad, we also received gifts Mom found at used stores. The used gifts were far from second-rate. They were exactly what we needed/wanted–and were obtained in a way that doesn’t break my parent’s bank. My dad’s compliment is true: My mother is like a merchant ship, bringing her gifts from afar.)
  • Shampoo and barrettes
    Funny gift, you might think. But for me, not at all. I ask for “practical gifts” every year, and am supremely thankful when somebody takes up the call and gets them. You see, I HATE buying shampoo, deodorant, and the like. They’re necessary, so you don’t want to run out. Yet they’re expensive at the grocery store, so buying them generally means a trip to a different store–a WHOLE separate trip, since I rarely buy anything except food. So shampoo is the PERFECT gift.
  • A kitchen decorating ideas book
    For me books + home = love. Grace knew this and planned ahead to get me a book from the library book sale.
  • A picture for my walls
    Mom found it at a used store. It has a Bible verse on it. My living area walls suffered most when Anna left. She had so many wonderful wall decorations. Now I’m building up my own collection.
  • A bookshelf
    My current two (and a half) are stuffed full, and bowing because of the weight of my books. My “little” box of books that don’t fit in the shelves is currently overflowing. But not for much longer. Soon I shall have a bookshelf in my room. I’m excited to move all my Bible study tools up to my room, where I generally do my Bible study. It’ll be much nicer to have easy access instead of having to run downstairs.
  • The promise of another bookshelf
    Joshua has promised to make me another bookshelf (and was a bit disappointed when I received one under the tree.) But I have PLENTY of use for new bookshelves, and I’m excited to see what Josh comes up with. He’s quite a handy guy, if I do say so myself.

Beyond the physical gifts under the tree, I received a few more intangible gifts.

  • A delightful family candle-light service when our church one got canceled
    We packed into the “conservatory” while Anna played William and led us in Christmas carols. Dad and John and I had a bit of an out-loud each other contest during one, probably bringing the others’ eardrums almost to a breaking point (in my favor, my part in the “contest” was unintentional–I just don’t have the greatest concept of my volume while singing.) We lit our candles for Silent Night and sung sweetly in the almost dark.
  • The addition of a fourth girl to the family festivities
    Debbie evens us out at four girls and four boys (for the time being). She joined us for our celebration this year, and blushed massively at some of the gifts she received from my brothers. Their goal in their gifts to her this year was “cherry cheeks”–and they succeeded pretty well. Welcome to the family, Debbie–I can’t wait to have you for a sister-in-law.
  • The boys let me take their pictures
    As the family historian, keeper of the family photos, and (more) regular photo snapper, I am somewhat of an annoyance to my family. I insist on chronicling the exciting and the mundane, pulling out my camera at what they consider to be inopportune times (read, anytime). But last night, they (mostly) let me take photos in peace. John even POSED for a few photos. It’s pretty much a miracle.
  • The girls had patience with my distraction during a game of Mexican train
    Timothy announced that I’d missed a text message just as we were about to start our game of Mexican train. I broke my personal rules and texted back during our first few rounds of the game. I enjoyed the text exchange–and I appreciated my family’s tolerance for my somewhat unusual behavior of late ;-).

And the greatest Christmas “haul”?

Yesterday I read these words–an unusual Christmas passage, but an amazing one nonetheless:

“For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.”

“ O Death, where is your sting?
O Hades, where is your victory?”

The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

(I Corinthians 15:53-57)

At Christmas, we celebrate Christ the immortal, who put on our mortality. Christ the incorruptible who put on our corruption. Christ, who is life, who submitted Himself to death. And why? He did so in order that we who are corrupt could put on incorruption. He did so in order that we who are mortal could put on immortality. He did so in order that we who are creatures of sin and death could obtain victory over the same THROUGH OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

Now thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

**Okay, so I was planning to upload those Christmas pictures, but my computer’s acting funny about recognizing my camera today. It goes on funks every so often, so I’m not too worried. More later–for now I’m gonna go back over to the folks and (find my Bible and) spend some time with the family.**


On Feminine Discretion

A recent article from the Wall Street Journal talks about women who lack discretion. Eric Felton opens his article with the startling words: “Pity the man whose wife writes a memoir.”

Some things are meant to be hidden–but many women have difficulty keeping them hidden. Women are a sociable sort. We delight in revealing the details of our lives to one another.

The mad swathes of “Mommy Bloggers” are just one manifestation of the delight women take in sharing their lives. Mommy bloggers (and mommy blogger wannabes like myself) share the minutiae of their thoughts, their days, their homes, their children–and all too often, their husbands.

In Luke 2:19, we read that Mary “kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.” But this appears to be far from the norm for women. Learning discretion is often an uphill battle for us.

Yet, Scripture makes it clear that discretion is a godly and desirable trait for women. Titus 2:4-5 encourages older women to “admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands.”

According to the Free Online Dictionary, the word discreet means “marked by, exercising, or showing prudence and wise self-restraint in speech and behavior; circumspect. Free from ostentation or pretension; modest.”

Discreet, prudent, self-restrained, circumspect, un-ostentatious, unpretentious, modest. That is what God calls us as women to be.

And why are we to be discreet? We are to be discreet because discretion makes us beautiful. Proverbs 11:22 provides incentive for women to embrace discretion: “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion.” No matter how beautiful you are, if you lack discretion, you’re like a pretty ring in a pig’s nose. Blech!

But discretion does more than simply enhance our reputation–it enhances God’s reputation too. Titus 2:5 tells us why young women are to be discreet: “that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Our feminine discretion, or lack thereof, reflects directly on the God we serve. If we want our lives to glorify God, we must choose to cultivate discretion.

Additionally, Proverbs 12:4 contrasts the excellent wife with the one who is indiscreet: “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

Wanna be a good wife? Learn discretion.

I’ve been reading the book Rocking the Roles by Robert Lewis and William Hendricks. The authors speak of four “core concerns” for a wife. The first two are admiration and support. A wife is to admire and support her husband. Both of these fall easily under the umbrella term respect. Ephesians 5:33 says “And let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Respects her husband. What does that mean? The Free Online Dictionary defines respect as “to feel or show deferential regard for; esteem. To avoid violation of or interference with. To relate or refer to; concern.”

How does a wife show respect for her husband? The question has risen in my mind several times throughout my reading.

But I think the answer, or at least part of the answer, is simple. A wife sees that she respects her husband by cultivating discretion. She esteems him personally and publicly by showing her husband’s best side to the world–and by discreetly NOT sharing his faults with others.

Proverbs 12:4 refers to this, saying “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” A wife can either crown her husband with honor, or she can shame him by her speech. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out which is preferable.

This discretion appears to be a mark of the Proverbs 31 woman. Verses 11 and 12 say “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all of the days of her life.” The Proverbs 31 husband can safely share himself with his wife, because he knows she will be discreet with what he shows her. He can trust her with his heart, his mind, his body; knowing that she will not ridicule him. Anything that she does share or reveal is for his good, not for evil. He never lacks gain because his wife actively promotes his positives and minimizes his negatives.

Discretion is a trait worth cultivating for its own sake and for our own sakes–who wants to be a gold ring in a pig’s nose? But feminine discretion goes beyond just benefiting us as women–it benefits God’s reputation and it benefits our husbands.

So let’s put aside the inclinations of our flesh that would have us be idle, wandering from house to house as gossips and busybodies, saying things which we ought not (I Timothy 5:13), and instead learn discretion. It’ll benefit us. It’ll benefit our husbands (even for the unmarried ladies–note that Proverbs 31:10 says she brings him good ALL the days of her life, not just the days that she’s married to him). And it’ll benefit God’s reputation.

What have we got to lose? Only our sin. What’ve we got to gain? Much.

Lord, I desire to honor You, to honor my husband, to be an honorable woman. Would you work in me both to will and to be a woman of discretion? Help me to lay down my personal inclination for over-sharing and to learn to guard both my heart and those hearts which others have entrusted to my care.


Kept all these things

“And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Luke 2:18-19)

Some of the mighty works of God, some of the events of our lives are meant to be shared, to be marveled over, to be spread abroad. Some of them are meant to be kept and pondered.

I find one expression easy, the other infinitely hard. How can I not share, marvel over, spread abroad all that God has done and is doing in me? I was not born to be secretive or contemplative–I was born to yell the details of my life from the nearest street corner. And so I frequently do–often using this blog as a medium for those stories.

But what of those times, those events, those experiences that are meant to be kept and pondered? What does an all-out-there girl do about these?

Like the things that Mary saw, the things which are too precious, too confusing, too utterly too-too (a la Nellie Oleson in These Happy Golden Years).

Some things can’t be shared. They are too fresh, too raw, too full of tangled thoughts and emotions to be spread abroad. To share them would be to lay open my heart to be beaten–for I cannot separate my heart from them or them from my heart.

Yet those same things beg to be shared, to be released. If I did not relieve my heart of some of them, my heart would become too full to continue beating.

And so I pour out my heart to God in prayer, and I release my thoughts into a paper journal, something to be seen by my eyes and His alone.

Maybe someday I will be able to share them with you without handing away my heart pell-mell, maybe someday their attachment to me will become less. Or maybe these things are meant to be kept, hidden, pondered, a secret between God and I.

I don’t know, but for now, forgive me as I choose to hide a half of me from the online world, in order to ponder the works of God in private. For right now, at least, it is the time to keep all these things and ponder them in my heart.