Faith

Categories Following Christ, Reflections

Expecting guests

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We’re expecting guests for our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow noon–sixty-five guests, to be exact.

The Life Groups delivered bags of food to several families from our community who were in need–and followed up with an invitation to dinner tomorrow at church. Eleven families have confirmed that they will be there–about 65 people.

Pastor Jason sent out the word so everyone could prepare. The women were urged to bring extra food; Pastor Jeremy went into overdrive trying to find enough workers to handle the 40 extra children that we expect in children’s church.

I hadn’t signed up to bring anything–but I’d planned on doing it anyway. This news means I amped up my preparations. A 9×13″ fruited jello salad sits in my refrigerator. Five pounds of potatoes are sliced and in the crockpot on low overnight for mashed potatoes. And three pounds of onions are in another crockpot on low overnight–caramelized onions to (hopefully) cover the taste of the (in my opinion, awful) turkey the church is buying.

I accidentally sliced one of my fingernails in my preparations, and now my hands reek of onions. But I can’t help but be excited. We’ve got houseguests coming tomorrow and everything must be ready.

A thousand thoughts start to dance through my head. Is the nursery prepared? Has Debbie thought of it? Did Tracy find someone else to help me cut desserts? Joanna’s scheduled for the nursery. Is her helper reliable? What if they come for Sunday School? Is John prepared for extra kids? He just started teaching the kid’s Sunday School–I hope everything will work out fine. Just a minute, am I scheduled to be in the nursery during Sunday School? I don’t know, I don’t remember, we’ve had so many re-schedules this month. Tracy said she knew for sure that I wasn’t in the nursery for the service. So that at least is good. But what about…

My thoughts run on and on. I want us to make a good impression. I want them to be welcome. I want for us to show them love. I want for there to be plenty of food. I want for their children to be excited. I want for the parents to feel relaxed. I want them to be blessed.

Houseguests, strangers, walking through our doors. We offer them food because we want them to have life. I want them to taste and see that the Lord is good–and come back for another bite.

Categories Faith, Homemaking, Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursdays: Small Advances

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Today I’m thankful for the small advances, the little things that indicate I’m closer to finished than I was a week ago.

  • My bathroom is clean, truly clean, for the first time in months. I cleaned the mirrors! And the floor! And got out the big guns for the bathtub and toilet. It feels nice, really nice.
    clean bathroom
  • My room is tidy, or at least almost tidy. That is, the only stacks are books–no papers, laundry, reusable shopping bags, trash, or stuff that belongs elsewhere.
    Clean Bedroom
  • The dishes are done–for now. I’ve been Susie Homemaker lately–but I do the dishes just as I’m dirtying more. This time, my counter-top is clear. Well, clear until I have dinner tonight (turkey-corn chowder, yum!)
    Clean Counter-top
  • My quilt is almost half done. I enjoyed several hours of good quilting time this morning–and made considerable progress.
    Quilt Progress
  • I’ve had a call back on my job application. Unfortunately, she called while I was driving at the very end of the workday. So, I didn’t end up talking to the HR person–but she wants me to call her back tomorrow. That certainly sounds promising.
  • I’ve got some leads for my continued genealogy search. Since I started doing family history, I’ve had a big blank spot for my Grandma Menter’s family. I knew that her maiden name was Williams and that her mother’s name was Clara. Not exactly the most promising information. But Dad dug out some boxes for me to look through on Sunday–and I found out that Clara’s maiden name was Washburn and that she had a brother named Frank and a sister named Minnie. I also learned that my great-grandfather (Clara’s husband) was named Albert H and had a brother named Walter. Definitely the best leads I’ve had in genealogy for a while.

And I’m thankful that God is always at work around me, developing my character to match the assignment He has for me: that I might be perfect, lacking nothing, and that I might have hope.

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-5)

“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)

Categories Following Christ, Reflections

Which reminds me

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I just thought of something to say. Really.

I’m going through Experiencing God, an awesome Bible study, at my church–and God revealed something to me today.

I was complaining to God this morning when suddenly the first principle of Experiencing God popped into my head: God is always at work around me. And then it struck me that I should be asking myself “How is God at work in this situation [that I’m complaining about]?”

And so I’ve been working on being aware today, asking myself where God is at work. And that got me wondering, “Hmm, I wonder how God is at work in my roommate’s life?” Which got me thinking, “Hmm, it’s been a long time since I talked to my roommate.” Which got me thinking, “How can I know how God is working in my roommate’s life–and how can I join God in what He’s doing in my roommate’s life–if I don’t talk to my roommate?” Which inspired me to Facebook my roommate asking if she’d like to do dinner and movie tonight.

She accepted and we enjoyed Cornbread and Chipped Beef Gravy and 101 Dalmatians. We didn’t have a “deep” evening–no theological discussions, no heart baring. We just enjoyed each others’ company.

I didn’t discover what God is doing in Casandra’s life, but I did discover something that He’s doing in mine. He’s showing me that whatever He’s doing, I want to join Him–and whatever I join Him in, I want to do it with my marvelous comrade beside me.

Categories Faith, Reflections

Back in Time

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I just finished uploading all my old weblogs onto the new WordPress format. It’s been interesting re-reading my reflections from years past.

In March of 2005, I reflected on a great invitation. In May, I wrote of revival and desiring God. In June, I spoke of hope: “If faith is what enables us to step out when God says “Go” not knowing where our destination will be; then hope is what enables us to relax as we take the step, certain that whatever we may encounter on the journey, the end is beyond our wildest dreams.”

Re-reading these posts re-awakens in me a longing. A longing to accept the invitation, to see the face of God, to rest in hope. It makes me long to be a Jacob generation. It makes me desire that the story of my life bring Him honour.

It seems this is my story. Something whets my appetite and I chase after God. Then I get busy or sick or tired or whatever, and I loosen my grasp. I give up wrestling, I escape unscathed.

But that’s not what I want. I want to enter the King’s courts, no longer making light of His invitation. I want to see the King’s face, and reflect His glory. I want to hope in God in this next stage of my life instead of freaking out about jobs and houses and husbands. I want to wrestle with God until He blesses me, not letting go except that He touches my hip and leaves me with a limp. I want my story to be His story.

Why, O why, can I not seem to translate want into action? I used to be able to, didn’t I? I feel like I did. But now I spend my time looking back with sorrow, unable to hope for the future.

Why are you so downcast, O my soul?
Why are you so disturbed?

Put your hope in God.
For I will yet praise Him.

Categories Everyday Life, Following Christ

A Weekend in Review

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The Daughter’s of the King ladies retreat was this last weekend, and it was fantastic.

The weekend was themed on Beth Moore’s Get out of that Pit. We watched some of Beth’s videos, heard from the book, heard teaching from the book, had small group times discussing the concepts found within, and had some personal time with God.

I’d already read the book, but the retreat was still pretty powerful. Especially the personal time with God. We had several questions to think through and pray through–but the great part was when God started talking. He told me what my pit is: self-PITy. He said, “You’re so busy longing for something different, something else, that you aren’t seeing what I’ve already given you. And, paradoxically, this has kept you from attaining your deepest desires. Wallowing in self-pity over how things HAVEN’T turned out as you expected is keeping you from enjoying the abundant life I have for you now and from anticipating the abundant life I have for your future.”

Yikes! But it’s so true. Knowing is half of the battle. Now, I’m daily practicing the steps Moore discussed for getting out of the pit: Cry out, Confess, Consent. And by God’s grace, I’m on my way out of the pit.

Apart from the wonderful time with God, I had a fantastic time with my girls. We swam Friday night–and stood in the shallow end of the pool singing all our favorite kiddie songs: “He’s a Peach of a Savior”, “I’m in the Lord’s Army”, and “The Hippo Song.” We cracked ourselves up with each different version–and decided that we were having so much fun that we NEEDED to share it with others. So we sang for everyone at our break Saturday morning.

On Saturday, we made leaf door hangers–one for each of us and some extras for the Thanksgiving baskets we’ll give out last month. I painted quite a few. I took pictures of quite a few really good ones–but somewhere between the ride home and Sunday morning, I lost my camera. So, I don’t have any pictures for now. (Hopefully I’ll find the camera soon.)

After we returned Saturday night, we had cheesecake at my Mom and Dad’s house for Mary’s birthday. I found a trivia question book that I’d given the family for Christmas years ago. At first I just threw the questions out to a couple of people, but by the end of the night, there were a dozen of us draped around the living room, trying to figure out which of the listed first ladies didn’t have “Smith” as their maiden name.

Sunday morning, I slept in–and then worked in the church nursery during the service. That’s when I really missed my camera. I only had three little kiddos in the nursery, but boy were they CUTE!

We closed the weekend with the movie “New in Town” (which I thoroughly enjoyed.)

Categories Following Christ

Litany for Life

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Every finished venture, and every new adventure begun, calls for a time of reflection, of preparation, of prioritization. As I have just completed my internship and am returning to graduate school, this time for my first semester as a teaching assistant, I have been reflecting, preparing, setting things in order.

I have set a few SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achieveable, Relevant, Timely) goals for myself–some more frivolous than others. But beyond that, I have spent some time reflecting and praying over my next step, using a little tool the Navigators sent me at the beginning of the year. The tool is called “PREP for a New Year” and is intended as a sort of New Year’s reflection. The “PREP” stands for Praise, Reflect, Evaluate, and Pray and Plan.

When I got to the “Pray and Plan” segment, I found myself crying out to God that this year would be different than the last. My internship experience was great, but I felt like it was one of the few things that was great about the past 7 months. I experienced great professional and educational growth–but my growth in other areas has been stunted or non-existant.

When I look at what I REALLY want in life, apart from my professional goals, very little has been accomplished in 2009. I have not grown in my relationship with God like I would have liked. I have not grown in relationship with the body as I would have liked. I have not lived with the lost as I would have liked.

My life vision is to glorify God by growing in daily relationship with Him, being conformed to the image of Christ; by growing in relationship with others, taking time to live life together; and by growing personally, always learning and practicing what I’ve learned. Yet little I’ve done in the past seven months has moved me towards that vision.

So I was crying out, asking God for priorities for this upcoming semester, begging that it be more than the previous semester–and God directed me to three simple words. Listen. Love. Learn.

With a hundred things jockeying for my time, my attention, my heart. Listen. Love. Learn. Listen for the voice of God; Love Him with all that is within me; Learn to do His will.

Faced with a deep discontent with the status of my friendships. Listen. Love. Learn. Listen to what others are saying; Love them as Christ loved me; Learn how to serve them.

It goes against my instincts, against my fallen nature. I prefer to talk, to be proud, to teach. But God would have me Listen, Love, Learn.

It would have been easier if God had given me good SMART objectives (or at least something I could DO). You know, thing like:

  • Read a chapter of the Bible every day at least six days a week
  • Spend at least 15 minutes in prayer daily
  • Limit blog-reading to one half an hour per day
  • Don’t listen to secular music
  • No “R” rated movies
  • Memorize a verse a day

Those are all nice, good, EXTERNAL things. Things that only change what I do, but not who I am. They are the easy changes to make, the legalistic changes that can let me feel good about what a great Christian I am.

But God did not give me rules to follow. He did not tell me to do these five steps daily and everything will be just fine. He did not tell me to give up these five items and I’ll be a better Christian.

Instead, He gave me a litany to live each moment of my life by. Listen. Love. Learn.

Lord, may I keep Your word ever before me as I begin the next small chapter in this adventure You are taking me on. Help me to ever be mindful to listen, to love, and to learn.

Categories Everyday Life, Following Christ

Plants need water

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I’m considering myself a brand-new gardener, having never gardened successfully in the past. I have only gardened in the same way that Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and American car companies have been successful business–via the bail-out.

It’s only my mom’s patient bail-out that kept our family from starving (okay, I’m exagerating a little) those years that I tried “taking over the garden.” I didn’t water often enough, didn’t weed often enough, lost interest before harvest came close. I was a horrid gardener. Mostly because I didn’t really tend the garden.

This year, I’ve been a bit better–probably because “gardening” is on my daily to-do list. Even so, I have days (or weekends) where I fail to care properly for my plants–and the plants suffer as a result.

My tomato plants needed water this weekend, water I didn’t give them. So now they look like this.

Tomato Plants

My tomatoes need water every single day.

So do I.

…My soul thirsts for You;

My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
Psalm 63:1b

Categories Everyday Life, Following Christ

Exhale

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“My son, if you become surety for your friend,
If you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger,
You are snared by the words of your mouth;
You are taken by the words of your mouth.
So do this, my son, and deliver yourself;
For you have come into the hand of your friend:
Go and humble yourself;
Plead with your friend.
Give no sleep to your eyes,
Nor slumber to your eyelids.
Deliver yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter,
And like a bird from the hand of the fowler.”

Proverbs 6:1-5

Not having heard a “No” from the Lord, I said “Yes” to a friend.

The Lord’s “No” didn’t take long in arriving.

Thankfully, my friend heard the same voice, and did what I would not: Humbled himself, pled with his friend, and delivered us both from our own hands.

Now I, and he, can breathe again. A nice, long exhale.

Categories Faith, Reflections

I’ve been…

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Sorry I haven’t written lately. I’ve been too busy.

“Busy doing what?” you might ask.

Too which I can only respond: “Dreaming.”

It had been ages since I knelt in worship–even longer since the kneeling turned to sitting. I used to kneel in worship all of the time. And when my knees started to go numb, I’d transition to sitting on the floor, basking in the presence of God. Many of my most intimate conversations with God have occurred on the floor of our church during a worship service. But it had been a long time since I’d been on the floor–and a long time since I’d last had that kind of conversation.

When I knelt in worship this Sunday, I wasn’t expecting anything spectacular–I just wanted to worship God. And when my knees grew tired of being sat upon, I shifted onto my bottom. I wasn’t expecting God to drop in–but He did.

“When did you become so pragmatic?” He asked. “When did you stop dreaming?”

You see, I used to be a dreamer. I dreamt of making a difference in the world. I dreamt of seeing great things, of doing great things. I dreamt of seeing blind eyes receive sight. I dreamt of dancing in the arms of a lover. I dreamt of owning a house that I’d minister out of. I dreamt of marriage and children. I dreamt of traveling the world. I dreamt of so much. My goals are nothing compared to my dreams.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped dreaming. Things hadn’t turned out the way I intended. I turned 21, not only unmarried but with no prospects in sight. I was 24 and still in school. I prayed for revival, but I didn’t see it happen. I stopped dreaming. I stopped believing that dreams could come true.

It’s not that I didn’t miss dreaming. On the contrary, I sorrowed over my lack of faith, my absence of dreams. I even wrote a little song about it:

Once upon a time I thought big thoughts
I hadn’t yet learned they were impossible
Once upon a time I dreamed big dreams
Before I learned to not believe

Teach me again the faith of a child
Teach me again to see
Teach me again, God oh so big
Teach me again to believe

Remember the child
dreaming to sweat drops of blood?
Remember the child
Crying for revival to come?
Bring back that heart,
that longing,
that hunger
Teach me again to believe

I heard Michael W. Smith’s “Missing Person” with new ears. I’d heard the song, sung the lyrics a thousand times without ever giving thought to what it was saying:

There was a child who had the faith to move a mountain
And like a child he would believe without a reason
Without a trace he disappeared into the void and
I’ve been searching for that missing person

He used to want to try to walk the straight and narrow
He had a fire and he could feel it in the marrow
It’s been a long time and I haven’t seen him lately but
I’ve been searching for that missing person

It brought tears to my eyes–I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. But for all my searching, I wasn’t getting anywhere closer to finding the missing dreamer inside of me.

At least, not until God asked me His question: “When did you become so pragmatic? When did you stop dreaming?”

I didn’t really have an answer–or if I did, it was a pretty defensive one. “Well, Lord, what do you want me to do?” I asked in frustration.

“Listen to the dream.” He answered back. “Let it well up in your heart once again. And let Me make the dreams reality.”

I struggled with God a bit: “So how do I know that dreaming won’t just lead to disillusionment? I’ve dreamt before–and where has it gotten me? Have any of those dreams come true? How do I know that dreaming isn’t just a waste of time–something to keep me occupied so I don’t notice when life passes me by?”

And God responded: “My kind of dreams aren’t a waste of time. My kind of dreams don’t keep you from enjoying life. The knack, Rebekah, is to dream My kind of dreams. The knack is to discover where your dreams and Mine intersect–and to jump on them for the ride of your life.”

And then He began to awaken the dreams. But this time, they’re not the fantasy castles of a little girl. This time they’re the dreams that involve blueprint writing, financial affair setting in-order, deep soul-searching. So I’ve been busy dreaming–finding the missing person I thought I’d never see again.

Categories Faith, Following Christ

Still

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My dad used to tease my mom that she had only two speeds–slow and stopped. Of course, the only time that comment made its way out was when we were all waiting in the car for mom to finish grocery shopping. In reality, my mom is a speedy burrito.

I have two speeds as well–overdrive and hyperdrive.

It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I’m doing it quickly. I rush to this and to that, from this and that. I pack my days plumb full–and then add a to do list a mile long on top. And then there’s my brain. Even when I get into bed, or watch a movie, or have some other “down” time, my brain is still moving a mile a minute. I worry about this or fret about that, I second guess one thing, and try to untangle another thing.

My mind was reeling last night when I read Psalm 46–and it was going crazy again this morning when I re-read Psalm 46. And then God spoke.

I am God! That’s not going to change, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. In the toughest day of your life, I am God. In the most spectacular day of your life, I am God. I am God when you don’t see any hope for what you desire–and I am God when your imagination runs away with the possibilities. I am God. Be still and know.

“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10

Still: adj 1. Free of sound. 2. Low in sound; hushed or subdued. 3. Not moving or in motion. 4. Free from disturbance, agitation, or commotion. 5. Free from noticeable current: a still pond; still waters

What a thought. What an idea! To be free. Free from noise, from disturbance, from current. To have a mind that is quiet, hushed, subdued. A mind that is not always in motion. A mind free from agitation and commotion. Still. I want a still mind.

What a dream. What a concept! To be free. Free from current, from agitation, from motion. To have a body that is subdued, calm, undisturbed. A body that isn’t constantly fidgiting for some next thing to do. A body that doesn’t slosh about with every current of the to-do list. Still. I want a still body.

Psalm 46:10 suggests that stillness is a choice: “Be still.” It is a command with an understood “You” as the subject. “[You] be still.”

But how can one choose stillness? I’ve certainly tried choosing stillness many times before–and failed every time. I try to clear my mind, but the thoughts just come back. I clear my schedule, but I end up fidgeting to refill it–uncomfortable with the lack of movement that threatens deadness.

Psalm 46:10 offers the answer to this question as well. “Know that I am God.” The implicit message, at least in my mind, is “…and you are not [God].” If I know that God is God and that I am not God, then I can let my mind be still–trusting God to “worry” out the details. If I know that God is God and that I am not God, then I can rest my body–trusting God to “work” out the details.

Still. Know. Rest. Trust. Words I want to characterize my life.

They don’t characterize me yet–but they will. I trust that they will. For now, I’m just learning–learning to KNOW God and to be STILL.