Thankfulness

This whole not-blogging thing is a little new to me–the last month has definitely been my longest break for a long time.

But, while my blog wasn’t posting anything new, my life was filled with NEWs.

This week I’m thankful…

…for a new tablet
For Christmas, Daniel gave me a tablet that docks to a keyboard so I can sit, like I am now (Wednesday night), in a coffee shop listening to a friend play and sing while blogging. The tablet also came in handy when I left my phone at Daniel’s house yesterday. I just pulled out my tablet and e-mailed him to inform him that I’d be by in the morning to pick it up.

…for a new home
The Thursday after Christmas, my parents and Daniel and I loaded up a truck and brought all my worldly goods to Wichita, KS. I’m currently setting up home in Daniel’s house (nicknamed Betsy) while living with a middle-aged couple Daniel and I both know. So I’m not quite home in the same sense as I will be in two months when Daniel and I are married and I can settle into the Betsy house–but Wichita is now my new home.

…for a new web host
While finishing up my job, starting a new job, moving to a new town, and having family holidays has certainly contributed to my lack of blogging, that’s not the only reason I haven’t been blogging. My family switched web hosts this last couple of weeks and blogging throughout would have increased the chances that I’d lose data. As it is, the switch has been relatively painless. I’m excited to be using this new host (which is MUCH less poo-ey than our previous host.)

…for a new job
I’m so glad to be a part of the Kansas WIC program. I have quite a bit of training before I’ll start seeing clients, but it’s thrilling to be getting close to living my career dreams–working in the community with women and children.

…for a New Year
I DID NOT complete my 2012 list–didn’t even try. But 2012 managed to exceed my wildest expectations. My paltry list of 2012 things falls far short of the reality that is what God has done in my life. And I have the promise that God, who began a good work in me, will see His work to completion. Which means 2013 can only be better.

…for mercies new every morning
All these “NEW”s have been a little stressful (imagine that!) and I’ve had more than one evening where I’ve fallen asleep in tears or exhausted and overwhelmed. Some nights, I’ve fallen asleep with regrets for what I’ve said or not said, done or not done, thought or not thought. But every morning, God’s mercies are new–and I rejoice in God’s faithfulness.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own great presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.

Thank You, Lord, for revealing new signs of Your mercy and grace on a daily basis.

This upcoming weekend is a rather momentous one, as it marks my last weekend in Columbus. It’ll no doubt be a flurry of packing and last-minute gift-wrapping and getting-things-to-who-they-belong-to-ing.

Next week will probably be a bittersweet one, saying goodbye to my Sunday School class, to my coworkers, to many of my friends.

But this weekend was a beautiful treat before the last minute busyness.

This week I’m thankful…

…that Daniel made it safely
He’d been busy last week with dead week projects and the usual work and church and volunteering stuff. And then we’d been talking rather too late into the night. I worried that he hadn’t gotten enough sleep and he’d be drowsy on his drive up. But he made it safely up.

…for time to just hang out
We hadn’t really planned anything for the weekend, just planned to spend time together. It was wonderful–making waffles, watching an episode of Downton Abbey, talking while I “bolted” fabric and Daniel worked on some top-secret stuff for my sister, watching The Avengers with Anna.

…for an unplanned visit to Aunt Martha
Anna had Bunco Saturday night, which meant that we needed to find somewhere else to go (since we don’t want to be alone at home late at night)–but since Columbus doesn’t really have any places to just “hang out”, we went up to Norfolk. My aunt recommended a good restaurant and we enjoyed our shared Hawaiian fajitas before dropping by Aunt Martha’s house to visit. Martha was welcoming and we had good conversation until she kicked us out…

…for new experiences
Aunt Martha kicked us out because Daniel was starting to get pretty tired–starting to fall asleep where he was sitting, in fact. We needed to get back. Only problem was, Daniel was quite tired–and we had his car, a manual. So-I learned how to drive a manual (well, enough to get us home). That was interesting.

…for lunch with friends
We had the W’s over for dinner Sunday afternoon. I thawed some Barbecue Brisket and put it in the crockpot, bought some deli salads and chips, and we threw some leaves back in the table. It was lovely to just have an informal at-home dinner with their family.

…for precious tears
Many times throughout the afternoon, the ladies at my Highland Park bridal shower brought me to tears. I was so blessed by their encouraging words. They drenched me with blessings. Whether they were needling me about how my face lights up when I hear Daniel’s name (I can’t help it that I grin whenever they say his name) or telling me how I’ve been able to bless them over the past couple of years (I’m humbled and honored that I could do so) or laughing over where I rank in the desert island list (I didn’t make it), it was a wonderful time.

…for the end of weekends
This next weekend will be our last weekend of long-distance relationship. We will spend the weekend before Christmas together and then I will be moving to Wichita, where I will get to see Daniel regularly (even daily!) God has blessed us with these lovely weekends together, but I am very much looking forward to easing into a routine of everyday togetherness-the casual togetherness of non-long-distance relationships.

God has been gracious in giving us these precious weekends. And He is gracious in bringing them to a close. Thank You, thank You, Lord.

The idea that God does things solely for the sake of His own glory is controversial to say the least.

When we hear of someone who does something for the sake of glory, we think of a grandstanding athlete or a self-aggrandizing despot.

But God’s pursuit of His own glory couldn’t be further from those.

While the glory-seeking man knocks over everyone else in his pursuit of fame, the glory-seeking God-of-the-Universe sets everyone and everything aright in His pursuit of glory.

This week, I’ve had opportunity to see God’s glory on display.

This week I’m thankful…

…for providential timing
It “just so happened” that I started home from work early on Monday, intending to work from home. Which meant that the towing company and the car mechanic were both still open (and in regular hours) when my car broke down and needed their services.

…for the kindness of strangers
God has placed His image on humanity–and one of the evidences of that is the compassionate impulse to help. A man and his daughter were very kind to push me from the intersection where my car was stopped into a nearby parking spot.

…for the body at work
When my car broke down, my first thought was to call Cathy. At that point, I hadn’t even stopped to consider what she could do for me–but I called her. She and Erik came right over, picked me up, took me to the towing place and recommended a mechanic.

…for a flexible workplace
While I’m not always grateful for my continuous connection to work, in this case, it was beneficial. I sent off an e-mail from my laptop to the next day’s building, letting them know that I’d be working from home. As it turned out, working from home meant I could get a fair bit of work done at work–and still get my laundry caught up.

…for Jon
When it became obvious that I would NOT have my car back to drive to my Wednesday morning doctor’s appointment in Norfolk, I called (errr…texted) for help. On multiple occasions over the past several years, Jon has been wonderful to loan his car to damsels in distress–and I am a grateful most recent recipient of his largess.

…for friends I can trust
When the mechanic said it was the timing belt, and that it undoubtedly did damage to the engine, I needed someone to give me an opinion. My friend Robin (of Simply the Best Autos) was the logical first stop. “Robin,” I begged, “should I bother trying to fix it or do I just buy a new car?” A lot of people might be worried asking that question to a used-car salesman–but I know Robin well and trust him implicitly. He is invariably honest–and will do everything in his power to do right by me (regardless of how it affects him.)

…for making life decisions together
Although Daniel and I are not yet married, we’re in the process of melding our lives. The new car I’ll be buying (yes, I do just need to buy a new car) will be my car–but it’ll also be our car. I don’t make these decisions on my own any more. What’s more, I can’t just delegate like I used to–telling Dad and Robin what kind of money I had for a car and having them pick one out for me. This time, I’m making this decision with someone, only not with him. He will be in Missouri at a funeral, I will be in Lincoln buying a car. Yet it is a decision we have discussed, have made together.

I’m so thankful that God, in His sovereignty, has orchestrated the details of Luci’s (my car) dying, such that He might display His glory. And is it not His glory that is on display when a dozen people come together to love and serve one another? And that is what I have seen, and what I am thankful for this week.

We interrupt this (ongoing, never-ending, might-end-up-taking-longer-than-the-courtship-itself) story to bring you a Thankful Thursday.

Have you ever heard the phrase “the devil’s in the details”?

I disagree.

I’d say that God is in the details.

Every dip and fold in this life’s journey ends up being the loops, whorls, and arches of God’s fingerprints.

God is in the details.

This week I’m thankful…

…for friends happening along
Beth and I were going to work on our craft project. I stopped midway to show her my dress–and ended up wearing it. Then Ruth just happened to call while I was wearing it–so we invited her over to join us.

…that God prepped my heart for NOT hearing back from the job I’d interviewed for
I read I Samuel 13 the night before, all about how Saul’s impatience lost him the kingship. I knew when I read it that I wouldn’t hear back from them within the week (like they’d said)

…for a white veil
With fear and trepidation, I bleached my mother’s wedding veil, almost certain that I’d end up destroying it. As it turns out, I have not ruined it and it is now white enough to be worn as my something old or my something borrowed or both.

…for snatches of time together
We were going different directions on Saturday, but Daniel and I managed to steal away for several little conversations throughout the day, which ended up being wonderful

…for not hearing back from WIC after I’d called
When I didn’t hear back from the job I’d interviewed with after a week, I called and got voicemail. They didn’t respond, which gave me opportunity to trust God–even though that might mean moving without a job lined up.

…for finding what I needed at the store
Shopping for something in particular can be difficult, especially in Columbus. Thankfully, I’m still traveling to Grand Island (yep, that changed again–and this time I’m glad I’m still traveling for a little while longer) and managed to find exactly what I needed (and a few things I wanted) at the mall there.

…for hearing back from WIC just when I’d started searching for other opportunities
Just when I’d chosen to rest in God’s sovereignty and start searching for non-dietetics jobs in Wichita, I got a call back from WIC offering me the job I’d interviewed for. I’m so excited to be a part of WIC–and to have a job that will be only minutes from Daniel’s and my home (once we are married.)

…for “just happening” to tender my resignation at six weeks instead of four
I figured there was no use in delaying. Since I knew, why not tell my employer? Turns out, company policy wouldn’t have let them approve my vacation time during my “resignation period”, except that I gave advance warning so my boss is approving my vacation anyway.

…that people are enjoying my “Our Story” blog series
Yes, it’s a little thing, just a detail, but I’ve been a little discouraged since beginning blogging again after my long stress-filled hiatus. I know plenty of people are reading Our Story, but very few have commented, so I wonder if I’m being boring. But my mom told me on Skype last night that a friend of hers is reading and enjoying–and then Daniel told me that he’s eagerly awaiting each new installment. I *suppose* I’ll keep on writing. If one impartial reader is interested–and my beloved is enjoying it–I’ll keep writing. :-)

The job situation, especially, has been up and down this week. I’ve had to cling to God–and I’ve found Him a firm foundation on which to stand. Now, on this side of my own mini-drama, I see I have traversed only a single loop of a magnificently beautiful print, the fingerprint of God on my life.

This week has been filled with sharp ups and downs, with bliss and woe, with hope and desperation.

Every part of it has been exhausting.

Yet in it all, His hand upholds me.

This week I’m thankful…

…for a lovely morning meeting the rest of Daniel’s family

…for a great afternoon relaxing with Daniel and my family

…for a car ride that included (among other things) getting our story straight

…that we got our story straight before a public interview in front of the entire church body (Yeah, I’ll definitely be telling that story for years to come.)

…for a lovely lunch introducing Daniel to my Columbus friends

…that God is my strength when I had to work in the kitchen

…that God is my peace when my heart struggles to war against an employee

…for desperate-crying overwhelmedness with wedding planning

…for God’s sufficiency when my sister hits a deer which scraps her car and leaves us as a one-car-household again

…for God’s sufficiency when I have to take two hours out of my day to pick up my sister whose car is now incapacitated

…that my landlady didn’t blink when I told her we’d want to vacate our house by the end of the year

…for finding a potential reception site that just might work

…for getting a bit of sleep on a sick day before I have to go in anyway because STATE SHOWED UP

…for strength when I’m working sick

…for grace when I start crying at work

…for a consultant who tells me I need to get some sleep

…for a sister who reminds me that everything is not my fault

…for getting residents fed

…for a call from a job in Wichita, just enough time to call them back, and an interview scheduled

…for onions that needed chopping, which meant I could cry again today at work without losing face

…for a Clinical Services Consultant who is kind (even if it meant I almost cried publicly at work–without an onion in sight)

…for grace when I cry, yet again, privately at work

…that I didn’t black out at work today (even if I did “gray-out” pretty regularly)

…for state leaving early today

…that I had just enough time to make it to the NE District Nebraska Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics event (I’m on the board and this was rather an important event)

…that there was cheesecake and dark chocolate

…that I found an unexpected sister in Christ who affirmed my fiancee’s and my resolve to honor God in our relationship

It sounds like a crazy jumble, with no unifying theme. And truly, it has been a jumble of a week. Great things, horrible things, all very stressful things.

But there is a unifying theme.

Through it all, His hand upholds me.

And for that I am so very thankful.

“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

But those who seek to destroy my life
shall go down into the depths of the earth;
they shall be given over to the power of the sword;
they shall be a portion for jackals.
But the king shall rejoice in God;
all who swear by him shall exult,
for the mouths of liars will be stopped.”

~Psalm 63 (ESV)

Yesterday started well and ended well. The sixteen hours in between were…

Well, I was tempted several times to say that they were straight from the pit of hell.

But my theology constrains my terminology.

Nothing comes straight from the pit of hell. Even the most diabolical plot must pass by heaven for permission from the Sovereign Lord of all creation.

Acknowledging God’s sovereignty means that I cannot blame evil spirits or evil people for the discomfort I experience, the trials that I face.

Acknowledging God’s sovereignty means that I must confess that my worst days come straight from the hands of a loving God.

The truth is that God has designed my days, lovingly arranged them for His good purposes, that I might be conformed to His image and enjoy Him eternally.

So I will be thankful today, for yesterday.

Today I’m thankful…

…for to-do lists that are impossibly long

…for employees calling in

…for resident complaints

…for working on the floor in high heels

…for meals that take forever

…for running out of vegetables

…for not knowing what I was doing

…for shoulder deep dishwater and scads of dirty pans

…for filthy lab coats

…for aching back and feet

Because when these things happen, even when they all happen on the same day, I can be sure that they come from the hand of a loving God.

“Faith sees that in her worst sorrow there is nothing penal; there is not a drop of God’s wrath in it; it is all sent in love. Faith discerns love gleaming like a jewel on the breast of an angry God. Faith says of her grief, ‘This is a badge of honour, for the child must feel the rod’; and then she sings of the sweet result of her sorrows, because they work her spiritual good. Nay, more, says Faith, ‘These light afflictions, which are but for a moment, work out for me a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.'”
~C.H. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, September 12, Evening

Days like yesterday are not a punishment. Christ has already borne all my punishment.

But days like yesterday ARE discipline. They are training, like the grueling workouts athletes or warriors endure; like the long hours medical interns practice.

And the end result of this painful practice from the hands of a loving God?

Seeing Christ and being transformed into His likeness.

Worth it.

Absolutely worth it.

Thank You, Lord, for disciplining me thus.

“Whoever does not love abides in death.”
~I John 3:14

My eyes read the words, my mind processed them, I moved forward and then backpedaled quickly.

Did that really say what I just read it to say?

How many times have I read I John and never noticed that line?

Whoever does not love abides in death.

Scary.

Then, with a sudden rush, my heart is filled with thankfulness.

There was a time in my life when those words could have killed me. I’d have read them and gone at the work of loving with a fearful frenzy, certain of judgment should I fail.

But God has wrought changes in my heart over the years–and I am supremely grateful that He is teaching me to love.

Today I’m thankful…

…that God’s kindness compels me
I do not seek to love others out of a sense of obligation or a fear of death. But this is not of myself. My inclination would be to “love” for selfish gain, to make myself feel good or obtain some sort of benefit for myself. Yet God’s love for me is what compels me to learn to love others. This is God’s grace at work in my life.

“God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance”
~Romans 2:4b (ESV)

…that perfect love casts out fear
Once upon a time, fear of losing favor drove me to perform what others might have considered loving actions. But these actions were not love. They were the clawings of a woman desperate to hold tight to what she could never keep. Now, captivated by the perfect love of a faithful God, I can love without fear, holding loosely to this life and entrusting my heart to God’s care.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”
~I John 4:18 (ESV)

…that love is sacrificial
The greatest act of love in the universe involved a heartbroken Father, a murdered son, and pardon for murderous wretches. All our sappy movies and cheesy greeting cards miss the mark when they announce that love is bliss or beauty or chocolate kisses. Love is death.

“In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”
~I John 4:10 (ESV)

…that love is supernatural
The word love is bandied about so frequently that one might begin to think that love is the most natural thing in the world. But it isn’t. It isn’t easy, it isn’t normal, it isn’t natural to love. In fact, there’s only one way one can love–and that is through the grace of the supernatural God of the universe.

“…for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”
~I John 4:7 (ESV)

The truth is that I never knew love until I knew the blameless Son of God bloodied upon a tree. I never saw love until I saw a heartbroken Father pouring out His full cup of wrath on His treasured Only Son. I never saw love until I saw His eyes turn to me and proclaim that I was free.

And when my heart turned to Him, enthroning Him above all kings–
When my love for Him outgrew my love for every other thing–
It is then that He whispered into my heart
“Love. Love them for me.”
And out of love for my Savior, my Lord, my all
I am learning to love others
as He first loved me

When I was a child, I was an antsy child, impatient for something, anything to happen.

But in all my anticipation as a child, I never knew that anticipation could make one’s heart so full that one could hardly breathe. I never knew that it could make one’s heart so full that one jostle might make it break into a confetti of celebration.

Yet this is the anticipation that I feel. Now. As an adult.

Today I’m thankful…

…for expectation of changes at work
I’ve had all three of my dietary managers out for a month now, two of them for two months. I’ve been running crazy, doing four people’s jobs. But the light is now visible at the end of the tunnel and I’m wild with anticipation for the new chapter to come.

…for mounting excitement about Sunday School this year
I’m teaching third and fourth graders this year–the same exact class I had as second and third graders last year. I’m excited to work with them all again after this summer’s break. I’m excited for the curriculum (A Children Desiring God study called “To Be Like Jesus”). I’m excited to work with the two women who will be helping me this year (I have two helpers this year? After none last year? Yes, that’s right, and I’m so thrilled to get to work with these wonderful women.)

…for continuous anticipation of the next conversation
I hang up the phone and remember a half dozen questions I forgot to ask. I close the Skype window and am already thinking about another thing to say, to show. I send a message and I’m on the edge of my seat for a reply. I’m forever bursting in anticipation.

…for glorious expectation of The Day

“Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”
~I Corinthians 13:8-12

The delight I am experiencing is but a foretaste of heaven–and it makes me long for the day when the mirror is broken and I stand face to face with the Lover of my Soul.

Thank You, Lord, for this beautiful anticipation. Thank You, Lord, for the overwhelming joy of this moment. May this delicious anticipation only ever and always make me anticipate the fullest of all joys–knowing You.

I am tired and I don’t have time to write long this morning.

But my heart (and my notebook) are full of thankfulness to God for His abundant faithfulness.

Will you thank God with me?

Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be
Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above;
Join with all nature in manifold witness,
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.
Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own great presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside.
Great is Thy faithfulness
Great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning
New mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness–and thank You for revealing Yourself in so many abundant ways to this faithless heart.

I’ve been busier than busy, which oftentimes means that relating to people takes back burner to completing tasks.

I’m so thankful that hasn’t been the case over the past week. I’ve been blessed an encouraged by a multitude of conversations.

This week I’m thankful…

…for lunch break (yes, I took one) prayer and encouragement with Cathy

…for book talk with one of my favorite kids
I recommend the Mysterious Benedict Society. I really hope he picks it up.

…for chats with my sisters and almost-but-not-quite sister (love my outlaws!)

…for catching up with my mom on the phone

..for needed clarification with coworkers

…for encouraging feedback regarding communication

…for late night phone conversations that leave me with a smile on my face

..for unexpectedly extended (and pleasant) conversation with a resident about his travels with the Air Force

…for an ongoing conversation between God and me. A conversation I wouldn’t (couldn’t) live without.

For all these things and so many more, I give You thanks, O Lord.