I have many irrational fears in life that are unlikely to come true (can anyone say being hung by my bellybutton?)–but I have other fears that I never realize until they come true and I panic.
Losing a notebook is one of those sorts of fears.
It happens every time I lose a notebook. My breathing becomes shallow, my heart starts racing, my blood pressure rises. I play over the contents of the notebook a hundred times, run through a thousand ideas of what might have happened that it’s lost.
This week I’m thankful…
…for the shoe rack I got at Goodwill
I’ve wanted one of these for quite a while, but everything I looked at was either flimsy or expensive. I briefly toyed with making my own out of PVC pipe (from an idea on Pinterest)–but I discovered that 6″ diameter PVC pipe isn’t cheap, so I finally caved and added a shoe rack to my Christmas list. Then, this week, I found a sturdy rack for only $3 at Goodwill. Thank you, Lord!
…for the fabric I got at Goodwill (for a steal)
I know I already have too much fabric, but it has become somewhat of an obsession for me. And the Goodwill’s always have such fabulous fabric, at such a great price ($0.50 per yard). But this was an even better deal than normal (or is it wrong to be thankful that the salesgirl guessed at yardage instead of measuring and vastly underestimated the quantity?) Thank you, Lord, for beautiful wools and cottons and double knits (because I always pick up some of that when I’m there!)
…for the Lemony Snickett books that I got at Goodwill
I’ve enjoyed A Series of Unfortunate Events since it first came out, reading it with my not-into-reading, then-still-a-little-boy brother (who is now Marine). I started collecting the books a few years later when the library started sloughing extraneous copies. But I didn’t manage to get the whole set, and I could never remember which books I had and which I didn’t. I wrote down which titles I had in my planner/binder/notebook–but since writing my list, I haven’t seen Snickett books anywhere. Until last night. Last night, I saw the books and ran back out to my car to grab my notebook. They had every single copy I was missing. I was grateful to be able to grab them all up. Thank you, Lord.
…for the notebook I left behind
I got done checking out and had to take two trips to my car to carry out my loot (which also included a vintage suitcase, a purse/soft briefcase, and a cork board just the right size for a project I’d been planning). It just so happens, I left my book in the cart. I didn’t realize it until I’d gotten home (to Columbus from Grand Island.)
My heart started pounding, my pulse racing. My breath came out ragged, my mind spooling the loop. “What’s in it? Just my planner pages, long ago used up. I haven’t used it for weeks. It won’t hurt to just let it go.”
I mentally turned the divider and saw my list of books that I own and books that I’m missing. It’ll be sad to part with that but I can always make a new list. My mind turned over the next divider and what I saw made me certain I needed to get it back. Systematic theology notes and returned homework–and the homework I haven’t yet completed for when we resume after the holidays. Yeah, I’d probably want that back.
The next divider clinched the deal. My TBR list, painstakingly handwritten in pencil on the special sheets I’d made for it. Categorized by section of the library and further by author last name or Dewey Decimal category, I’d arranged it for ease of finding books at the library (and for erasing read books and refilling that slot with a new item). Furthermore, many of the items on the list are cataloged only on that list, since my computer debacle earlier this year meant that I lost all my bookmarked book reviews that populated my TBR list.
Yes, I needed it back. I started playing through scenarios of how I could get it back, even jumping out of my bath in the middle of it to search once more through my car to see if I’d somehow missed it when I brought my stuff in. Anxiety was at its peak.
Then I stopped and reminded myself that I could do nothing about it today. I left myself a note for the next day and went to bed. The next day, I called the Goodwill. A helpful donation sorter found my book and gave me a call back. It was safe and sound in the office until the day I could return to get it back.
I’m so thankful to get it back–but even more thankful to have learned something about surrendering my fears to God, and letting Him deal with the details.
Have you ever had one of those weeks where you feel just a bit off?
