Love Month

Always a guest, never a bride (Guest post)

February 11, 2010 5 Comments by bekahcubed

I asked my sister to write a guest post for Love Month because I think her perspective as a single woman is valuable. At first, Anna shied away from the prospect, thinking that she had little to share that I wouldn’t have already shared–but I think you’ll agree that her story adds greatly to this month’s topic.

It seems like I’ve been attending weddings all my life. It all began with my mother’s siblings. Many of my friends attended their first wedding as a teenager, but I can remember 10 different wedding that I attended before age 16. As a child, weddings were a time to see cousins and eat cake. I was happy to celebrate and occasionally had a role to play: flower girl, punch server, gift receiver. During my teenage years I spent some time dreaming of what my own wedding would be like, who my bridesmaids would be, what colors and songs I would choose. But that wedding never came about. Many of my high school and college friends are married, and half of my Physician Assistant class got married during the time we were in school. Still, there is no relationship for me. Am I destined to be single for the rest of my life? Always a guest, never a bride?

Two weddings stand out to me. The first was that of a close high school friend. She had been dating for several years, but when I heard of the engagement, bitterness filled my heart. I remember driving home from a card party, sobbing, desperately praying the words of a song that “just happened” to be playing.

“All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough.” Enough by Chris Tomlin

I didn’t believe at that point that God was all I need. I was envious of my sister in Christ, bitter that “life was passing me by.” Absurd, I know. I was only 19!

The second wedding has not yet occurred. It is that of my brother and his fiancée this summer. Here I am, 26 without a man in sight, ecstatic that my little brother is getting married. When I heard the news, I screamed with joy. I actually woke up one roommate and thoroughly scared the other one with all the racket! There was no thought of myself in that moment, no sorrow that I would be attending another wedding as a single woman. What a difference in my attitude!

Paul admonishes the church to “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15) While this includes outward actions, most of rejoicing with people has to do with the heart. My ability to rejoice with my friends in their marriage depends directly on my trust that God IS all I need.

Contentment in singleness while attending weddings is difficult. I don’t like RSVPing for one, being pushed to the front for the bouquet toss, not having a dance partner. I do wish to be married one day! But if that was my focus, life would be miserable. I could waste time searching for that “perfect someone”, but I would miss out on the purpose God has for me today.

A turning point for me was reading Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley. Carolyn encourages women to regard singleness as a gift from God and to find purpose in fulfilling a unique role in the church. I encourage each person, male or female, single or married, to read this book. If it doesn’t apply to you, it will help you in relationship with the single women you know.

Is contentment in singleness easy? No, it is a constant struggle. I doubt I will ever be completely content with my singleness. I am not promised I will ever be married in this life. But I do know one thing. There is coming a day when I will be dressed in white awaiting my Bridegroom. “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.” Revelation 19:6-7

Always a guest, one day a Bride!

Love Month

I don’t feel…

February 9, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

I don’t feel like talking about being single today.

I don’t feel like talking about being content today.

‘Cause today I don’t feel particularly content. Today I’d rather not be single.

The apostle Paul speaks of learning contentment. And it certainly is something that must be learned.

“For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:11-13

How has Paul learned to be content? I dare say that he learned to be content by having ample opportunity for discontent. He had been placed in each of those situations that required contentment.

And how did he do it? How did he become content in each of those situations? He did it “through Christ who strengthens [him].”

He didn’t learn contentment by relying on his own strength. He didn’t learn contentment by trusting in his feelings. He learned contentment by relying upon Christ’s strength, by trusting God’s direction.

I’ve had ups and downs in my single journey, as I’m sure many of you have. I’ve had times where I experienced, where I felt incredible peace and purpose and contentment in my singleness. And I’ve had times where I felt conflicted, torn, overwhelmed, and utterly desirous of anything but singleness.

One thing has enable me to continue in this journey to contentment. That is, that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Through Christ who gives me strength, I can repent of the sin of coveting my neighbor’s home, her children…her husband. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can take deliberate steps to bless her and to avoid temptation. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can choose to be obedient to the word of God above my feelings.

Through Christ who gives me strength, I can resist the temptation to lust. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can put down the book with the engaging story-line, but with sexual or emotional content that arouses my body and heart. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ.

Through Christ who gives me strength, I can honor God with this season of my life. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can serve the body and the lost in this time. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can budget and change my oil and work a job.

Through Christ who gives me strength, I can rejoice with those who rejoice in their engagements, weddings, children. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can bless the well-intentioned but hurtful comments that others make about my singleness. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can bear up under the misconstrued assumption others make that I’d rather be a career woman. Through Christ who gives me strength, I can do all things.

The problem comes in when we focus on our circumstances rather than on Christ. The problem comes in when I look at all the things I don’t have–instead of the One I do have. The problem comes in when I look at the paths God has closed to me–instead of trusting Him with the path He has chosen for me.

Earlier this week, I was reading the story of the Exodus of the Israelites out of Egypt and I was struck by the purposefulness of God.

When God delivered the people out of Egypt and into the Promised Land, He didn’t take them by the most direct route. He led them by a longer, more circuitous route. Can’t you just see the people questioning? “This isn’t the way,” they must have muttered under their breath. “What on earth is God thinking?”

They didn’t know, but Scripture tells us what God was thinking. “God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, ‘Lest perhaps the people change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt.'” (Exodus 13:17) God knew that the test along the “direct route” would be too much for the people to bear. It would induce them to return to slavery. And God didn’t want them back in slavery–so He led them by an alternate route.

Yet opposition came along this alternate route too. With the sea at their front and their pursuers behind them, the Israelites were stuck in an impossible situation.

Unable to see God’s plan, the people complained that it would have been better for them to stay enslaved than to taste freedom only to be destroyed.

But God had a purpose, a reason for choosing this particular route. He knew that Egypt would pursue. He knew that the way would be blocked. He planned it that way–so that “I will gain honor over Pharaoh and over all his army, that the Egyptians may know that I am the Lord.” (Exodus 14:4)

God deliberately chose to place Israel in an impossible situation so that He could show Himself as God by doing the impossible for them.

God had a purpose both in the path that He closed and in the path that He chose.

If God has you as a single person right now, there is a reason for that. There is a reason that He has closed the door to marriage and chosen singleness for this season of your life.

If God has you as a married person right now, there is a reason for that. There is a reason that He has closed the door to singleness and chosen marriage for this season of your life. (Don’t whack out on me about this season thing–I’m not intimating that marriage is not for life. However, you have no way of knowing when the Lord might call your spouse home. You may very well find yourself in a new season–you just can’t know. You have to rely on God for the season He has for you right now.)

You and I don’t often know what purposes God has in the events of our lives. Often we don’t see God’s plan. Sometimes we are tempted to doubt either God’s sovereignty or His goodness. But let’s not give in to the temptation.

We may not always see God’s purposes. We may not always feel that He is sovereign and good. But, in Christ, we can be sure that He does have a purpose–and that His purpose is for His glory and our greatest good.

So I don’t feel like a contented single right now. Right now, I don’t see God’s purpose in the path He has closed to me–or in the path He has chosen for me. But, through Christ who strengthens me, I can be a contented single right now, regardless of my feelings. Regardless of my feelings, I can trust that God has a purpose in this season of my life–and that His purpose is for His greatest glory and my greatest good.

Love Month

Chasing After My Wild-Man Lover

February 8, 2010 Leave a comment by bekahcubed

Yesterday, I told you about willing to give God my husband.

Fast forward two years. I’m now in a Bible program that has a no-dating policy. But I’m talking with this guy online. Talking with him a lot. Like hours and hours every day.

And God got jealous. I experienced His pursuit especially during times of worship when I sang songs like “All I want is to know You, Jesus” and “And I…I’m desperate for You.”

“Really?” God would question. “Do you really want Me? Are you really desperate for Me? Do you love Me more than him?” He started convicting me about my response to Him versus my response to this guy. “Why don’t you spend hours talking to Me like you spend hours talking to him? Why don’t you read My letters over and over again like you read his?”

So when my parents approached me about my relationship with this guy, I wasn’t surprised. And when they told me they didn’t want me chatting online with him, I knew I needed to obey.

But that didn’t mean that this experience hadn’t reawakened all sorts of desires within me. I enjoyed the companionship, the camaraderie, the emotional intimacy with this guy.

Add to this that I was making college plans, organizing my life, dreaming my dreams for the future.

It was in the midst of this time of reevaluation that I went on a retreat with the others in my Bible program. We took one afternoon as a personal time with God–and I took off into the woods for my quiet time.

I was discussing all the plans and desires of my heart with God, and whining a bit over the unpredictability of things. Then God spoke directly to my heart. “You have tame dreams.” He told me. “Tame dreams of a husband and children and trips to Europe and a nice little house.” And then He started revealing Himself to me. He told me that He’s not a tame God–and that His dreams aren’t tame dreams. Isaiah 55:8–“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are our ways My ways,’ says the Lord.”

I had been dreaming my little dreams, building fantasy castles in the sky–but God was inviting me to become a part of His great dreams. My heart had become intent again on pursuing my tame dreams, the familiar, the comfortable.

And now God was inviting me into something different.

A tree branch curved down, forming a door that reminded me of Aslan’s door in Prince Caspian.

“At one end of the glade Aslan had caused to be set up two stakes of wood, higher than a man’s head and about three feet apart. A third, and lighter, piece of wood was bound across them at the top, uniting them, so the whole thing looked like a doorway from nowhere into nowhere….Everyone’s eyes were fixed on [the Telmarine]. They saw the three pieces of wood, and through them the trees and grass of Narnia. They saw the man between the doorposts: then, in one second, he had vanished utterly…”

When the Telmarine stepped through that door, he disappeared from the land of Narnia and entered into the world of Earth–a completely different world, for a completely different life.

I felt the Word of the Lord drawing me. Drawing me to a different life. On this side of the door lay my comfortable dreams–a nice tame husband, nice tame children, a nice tame home, and an uneventful life. Through the door, there was only the unknown, the wild.

The God who had jealously pursued me while I chased after my own desires now invited me into the wild, to chase after Him. The wild was not comfortable, it was far from tame. The little glimpse I saw scared me half to death.

But through the door, a wild-man beckoned. A wild-man who loved me and had pursued me. Now He begged me to join with Him in the wild.

I looked at my comfortable dreams. I looked through the door into the wild. I saw the face of my Wild-Man Lover, and I stepped through the door.

I chose to chase after my wild-man Lover.

Love Month

The Journey to Contentment

February 7, 2010 4 Comments by bekahcubed

For most of us, contentment in singleness doesn’t come in one fell swoop. It’s a journey, a battle, a day to day (or at least week to week or year to year) struggle.

My journey towards contentment in singleness began the summer before my junior year of high school. Marriage was on my mind–and had been for years–but this year, I was pursuing it with unparalleled abandon. No, I wasn’t tossing myself recklessly into the world of dating. By then, I’d officially(?) “kissed dating goodbye” (a sentiment I’ve since rethought a bit, more on that later.) No, instead, I was eagerly preparing myself for the life of a homemaker, taking over the family menu planning and gardening, trying to acquire as much “wifely” knowledge and skill as I could, determined to be ready as soon as God gave the okay.

My sister went to China that year, and when Mom and Dad and I picked her up at the airport, she started telling us about what God had done in her heart there. She told of how God had asked her if she’d be willing to give up her lifelong dream of being a missionary in Africa to serve the children of China. And as Anna told her story, I heard God’s voice–there in the back of my parents’ station wagon. “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”

I knew it was Him, there could be no doubt–and in a knee-jerk reaction, I answered Him: “Sure, You can have my husband–as long as You don’t take him.”

You see, I’d read the stories–all those amazing stories of women who’d learned contentment in singleness only to have God “surprise” them with a spouse. That I could take.

But that wasn’t what God was asking. He asked me again. “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”

I wrestled with God’s question for months. I begged Him to rescind the question. I tried to bargain with Him. He would have none of it. He only repeated His question: “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”

And, after months of wrestling, I made my decision. I didn’t want to give God my husband, but I chose to do it.

I willed to give God my husband.

Love Month

Embracing the “Gift”

February 6, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

“Yay…just what I always wanted,” you think sarcastically as you inventory this year’s Christmas gifts. Textbooks from your parents. A completely-not-your-style sweater from your sister. Deodorant from your obnoxious little brother. And another year of singleness. “Thanks, God, but I was really hoping for a ring this year. Didn’t I tell you that’s what I wanted LAST year?”

If you’ve been there, you’re not alone. I’ve been there many a year. It’s been more than one year that I’ve made my list on December 31–plenty enough time for God to arrange for me to get me the item that tops the list. A husband. That’s what I want for Christmas. And I’m giving you twelve months to find one. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? Especially not for God.

But then Christmas rolls around and I unwrap my gifts, and self-pity hits when I realize that once again, God’s chosen to give me…singleness.

Singleness? Are you serious? Yep, He’s serious. HE seems to really think a lot of it, even if I didn’t.

I’ve been a reluctant recipient of the gift of singleness for many a year, but by God’s grace, He’s helped me to begin to embrace this thing that He calls a “gift” but that I’m all too wont to call a “burden”.

Love Month

Accepting the proposal

February 5, 2010 Leave a comment by bekahcubed

I wrote a half-dozen “Love Month” posts before I figured out in my head how exactly I wanted to lay out this whole “Love Month” deal.

And I’m sure some of you are thinking “What the–”

It’s not the standard way to begin a discussion of love and dating and “relationships”.

But I am convinced that it’s the only way to do love, dating, and relationships right. We can’t understand love unless we know the love of God (“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” I John 3:16) We can’t find a mate without the express favor of the Lord (“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22) And we certainly can’t figure out how to be married properly without knowing Christ’s love for His bride (“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…” Ephesians 5:25)

I’ve begun the discussion of relationships with a discussion of the most important love relationship in ANY person’s life, whether single, married, or (as my mom put it in a comment a few days back) “somewhere in between”. Unless we are actively participating in THAT relationship, all of our other (human) relationships are merely play-acting, like little girls dressing up in high heels and pretending to be married, haranguing their imaginary husbands on the phone.

Beginning tomorrow, we’re going to shift gears a bit–but I don’t want us to shift focus. All of what we speak about in the upcoming month–in fact, all that we speak about for the rest of our lives–should be placed into perspective by placing it into the context of Christ and His great love for us.

Because this concept–no, not a concept. Because this relationship is so vital to our understanding of the next several weeks’ discussion, I want to make sure that you have an opportunity to become a part of this relationship.

The Bible makes it plain that all of us were born into slavery to sin.

“All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;”
Isaiah 53:6

“…they are all under sin.”
Romans 3:9

As slaves to sin, we deserved only death.

“For the wages of sin is death…”
Romans 6:23

We were cut off from relationship with God.

“But your iniquities have separated you from your God.”
Isaiah 59:2

In fact, we were practicing open rebellion against God.

“Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.”
Romans 8:7

Yet God loved us nonetheless and pursued a love relationship with us. He pursued us even to the point of laying down His life for us, dying in our place.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8

Having taken the punishment for our sins, He now offers us freedom from bondage to sin–and an invitation into a love relationship with Him. He has done all the work, has presented His proposal. We have only to accept His gift and enter into the love relationship with Him.

Will you accept His proposal?

Maybe you’ve already believed in Jesus Christ for salvation, but that’s as far as you’ve gone. You’ve seen salvation as “fire insurance”, but haven’t truly entered into a love relationship with Christ. He still desires that relationship–He paid the price for that relationship.

Will you accept His proposal?

I urge you to spend some time with God, tell Him that you accept His proposal. Enter into that relationship.

That relationship will change your life.

It has certainly changed mine.

Love Month

Beloved

February 4, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

My friend (and roommate) Casandra, mentioned the Tenth Avenue North song “Beloved” in reference to my last Love Month post. I’d never heard it before, so I looked it up on YouTube–and discovered that it is indeed pretty sweet (and applicable).

Love Month

The Errant Bride

February 4, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

The New Testament picture of Christ’s pursuit of the church seems tame perhaps (except for the heart wrenching climax where Christ lays down His life for the bride and then rises again to betroth Himself to her–okay, so maybe it isn’t so tame after all!)

But the Old Testament gives us another example of God as husband, as lover, as pursuer–this time, of Israel, who happens to be an errant bride. While the New Testament story focuses on Christ’s courtship of the church, the Old Testament story tells us more about the bride, the bride who continually turns her back on her husband to pursue other lovers.

Let’s hear the story as told by God through Ezekiel’s mouth. Israel was an abandoned daughter, born and left to die in an open field, with the umbilical cord uncut, struggling in her blood. God took pity on the foundling daughter and spoke life into her, and cared for her through her growing up years. “When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine.” (Ezekiel 16:8) God married Israel, washed her, anointed her with oil, clothed her with the best, fed her with the best–and she became renowned as the beautiful bride of the great King.

Yet this bride let her beauty go to her head, and began to accept the advances of the men who wooed her. She slept with all and sundry, giving to her lovers the beauty and the clothing and the food that her husband had given her. She even took her children, God’s children, and sacrificed them to her lovers.

No longer satisfied with the men who came to gaze upon her, she now went out actively, pursuing new lovers. A brazen harlot already, she sunk to new depths, paying men to have sex with her.

And God was angry with a holy anger. His rage burned against His wife who had played the harlot with many men. In His anger and His jealousy, He brought judgment upon her.

But yet, even then, His love for His errant bride is unabated. He calls their marriage covenant to mind and reestablishes the covenant again. He provides atonement for her sins.

Hosea tells the same story, but with added detail. Israel, the harlot, has gone after her many lovers–and each time she strays, God pursues her to bring her back.

She claims that her lovers are the source of her food and clothing and goods–even though it is her husband, God Himself, who has provided all these things. So God strips her of them all. He takes away His provision, He frustrates her goals, He dogs her every step. And when she is at the end of herself, come to nothing because of her wickedness, then God says, “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness and speak comfort to her….And it shall be, in that day…that you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer call Me ‘My Master.'” (Hosea 2:14,16)

She returns to her husband for a time–but soon she is back to turning tricks. And again her husband pursues her, tracks her down, even buying her back from the slavery she has sold herself into in her quest to satiate her lust.

Ever the errant bride, she returns again and again to her lovers–but her Husband, ever faithful, pursues her again.

Love Month

Beyond the Fairy Tale

February 3, 2010 3 Comments by bekahcubed

So you get my point about the fairy tales. You can see the sin, fallen-ness, rescue thing. But you’re still skeptical about the whole “Prince and Princess fall in love” bit. You think I’m over-romanticizing the Bible, turning it into a fairy tale.

Sure, I’ve taken some creative liberties with the story of redemption–but the idea of God pursuing us as a man pursues a woman is not new. In fact, it’s found all over Scripture.

Both Jesus and John refer to Christ as being a bridegroom.

When some people came to John, telling him about how Jesus was baptizing people and how people were coming to Him, John responded without jealousy: “He who has the bride is the bridegroom, but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled.” (John 3:29) John likens himself to the best man at a wedding where Jesus is the groom. John is ecstatic that the groom has arrived and the wedding approaches.

When others complained to Jesus that His disciples did not fast like the disciples of John did, Jesus answered, “Can you make the friends of the bridegroom fast while the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them; then they will fast in those days.” (Luke 5:34-35) Jesus asks, “Why would you make the groomsmen fast during the celebration leading up to the wedding? When the groom leaves, then the groomsmen will fast.” It is clear that Jesus is speaking of Himself as the bridegroom, and His disciples as the groomsmen.

Paul also picks up this theme in I Corinthians 11:2 “For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present as a chaste virgin to Christ.” Like a father, or perhaps a matchmaker, who has arranged a match between Christ and the Corinthian church, Paul is rooting for the relationship to work. He speaks of his fear that somehow the bride will call off the match, “falling in love” with another man.

Let’s put the pieces together. We have Jesus, arriving on the scene, announcing that He is a bridegroom. He has paid a great bride-price, laying down His own life. The church is now betrothed to Christ–and Jesus has ascended to heaven. “In My Father’s house are many mansions….I go to prepare a place for you.” (John 14:2) Jesus is now in heaven, preparing the place for His bride–but He has promised that He will return. “I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.” (John 14:3)

The very end of Revelation tells the end of this glorious story. “‘Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.’ And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints….’Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'” (Revelation 19:7-9)

Someday, the home shall be prepared, the groom shall return, the bride and the marriage supper shall be ready, and the story will draw to a close. The happily ever after will begin. Until that day, we–the church, the bride of Christ–wait in eager expectation. “And the spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’ And let him who hears say ‘Come!’….Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!” (Revelation 22:17, 20)

Love Month

Prince Song (2nd Chapter of Acts)

February 2, 2010 3 Comments by bekahcubed

I grew up listening to the 70’s band 2nd Chapter of Acts–and “Prince Song” is one of my favorite of theirs. Take a listen. It’s pretty cool.

I got a brand new story
Though you’ve heard it a time or two,
About a Prince who kissed a girl
Right out of the blue.

Hey this story ain’t no tale to me now,
For the Prince of Peace has
given me life somehow

You know what I mean.

My sleep is over.
I’ve been touched by His fire,
That burns from His eyes
and lifts me higher and higher.

I’ll be forever with Him
right by my side.
He’s coming again
on a white horse He’ll ride.
He’ll clothe me and crown me
and make me His bride.

You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.