The oddest part of being on hospitalized bedrest is the realization that life goes on…for everyone except me.
People get up and go to work and come home and make dinner and watch the World Series and update Facebook with the goings on of their day.
I lie in bed and try to occupy the time between every-four-hour vitals and daily nonstress tests and couple time a week sonograms. I call the nurse to let her know how much I voided. I call room service for a meal and sit up in bed for one hour afterwards to avoid heartburn before lowering the head of the bed to keep my blood pressure lower.
My day is wrapped around baby’s health and my own.
Baby’s still kicking. Biophysical profile is good. Heart rate is great. No contractions. Baby’s doing fine.
My health is harder to assess and more tenuous. Is this headache a sign of disease progression or is it my normal morning sinus headache prolonged because I’m not getting up to clear my head? I’m struggling to breathe – how far do I press the residents to do something about it when my O2 saturations are staying okay? I’m retaining tons of fluid – the doctors haven’t recommended anything but the nurse suggested restricting my fluids a bit to try to stave off some of it. Should I follow her advice? My blood pressure fluctuates, never quite high enough to need an oral antihypertensive – but high enough to make me worry.
People ask me what they can do to help and I have no idea what to tell them. I know what I’d be doing at home if everything were fine and I was getting prepared for my expected home delivery – but my life is on hold now and I have no idea how to carry on.
Do I need preemie clothing? Will I need to be prepared to take baby home right after we deliver? Or will there be weeks in the NICU before that happens? How important is it that my dishes be done, that the nursery be prepared, that the freezer has meals in it? I don’t know.
I can only think for the present day, because everything could change in an instant.
And I open Facebook and see all the kids in their new Halloween costumes and pregnant mommas wearing clever little mom and baby costumes – and I am baffled that life goes on…for everyone except me.
I’m praying for you and thinking of you and that little one each day. Life is going on for you! The most important thing you can to is cling to God as you take care of yourself and baby. Diaper pail cover and wet bags are on the way. I will wipe your hallway and refill the closet and do your dishes and freeze some food in 2 weeks. And even if those things don’t get done, God is faithful to sustain you with perfect grace. I love you!
Meals in the freezer, nursery all set up, perfect-sized clothes–none of it is necessary. Baby needs you and not much else. I’m in Tennessee helping out with a baby who came a month early, and it all works fine whether you are “ready” or not.
At AWANA last Wednesday evening (the day you checked into the hospital), I watched the Wiles’ 10 yr old son Zach and remembered the stay in NICU that was part of his entrance into this world and was so thankful for the reminder that each step in life is just a small part of the big picture.
I always had trouble breathing in the second and third trimesters because baby was squashing me (the technical term I’m sure!). Especially if I was lying on my back! If your O2 levels are ok, I bet it is just because your baby is squashing you too
I’m sorry. :( During the time I was grieving the loss of our baby Kali, I remember clearly thinking, often, how can life go on for everybody else? How can people walk and talk and shop as normal when my whole world is frozen?
It’s an odd thing, this period of waiting for something to pass. But of course life is continuing on, and very strongly even in the waiting–especially in your case with a growing baby and your own life!; it’s just invisible from the outside…. Praying for your world to expand again soon. In the meantime, it’s okay to focus in.
Well, life is still going on – with you and in you – it just looks different for a while. I agree with what someone said above – when the baby comes, somehow everyone manages, even though they didn’t have time to be as prepared as they’d like. One day at a time, one moment at a time, God’s grace will be sufficient.
Can you read much or is that uncomfortable with having to have your head lowered? Can they give you a diuretic or is there not one you can take while pregnant? I would think that would be preferable to lowering your fluid intake, but of course I don’t know the ramifications.
Continuing to pray for you and your husband and little one.
I hate being in the hospital. It’s unpleasant and it does feel as if life has stopped somehow. Yup, you’ll be “out before you know it!” really but that doesn’t make the stay itself pleasant. It’s a struggle, to be sure! Of course, this post is now several days old when I’m seeing it but I am praying for patience for you as you sit (or lay down) and wait…..and wait……