Love Month

The Journey to Contentment

February 7, 2010 4 Comments by bekahcubed

For most of us, contentment in singleness doesn’t come in one fell swoop. It’s a journey, a battle, a day to day (or at least week to week or year to year) struggle.

My journey towards contentment in singleness began the summer before my junior year of high school. Marriage was on my mind–and had been for years–but this year, I was pursuing it with unparalleled abandon. No, I wasn’t tossing myself recklessly into the world of dating. By then, I’d officially(?) “kissed dating goodbye” (a sentiment I’ve since rethought a bit, more on that later.) No, instead, I was eagerly preparing myself for the life of a homemaker, taking over the family menu planning and gardening, trying to acquire as much “wifely” knowledge and skill as I could, determined to be ready as soon as God gave the okay.

My sister went to China that year, and when Mom and Dad and I picked her up at the airport, she started telling us about what God had done in her heart there. She told of how God had asked her if she’d be willing to give up her lifelong dream of being a missionary in Africa to serve the children of China. And as Anna told her story, I heard God’s voice–there in the back of my parents’ station wagon. “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”

I knew it was Him, there could be no doubt–and in a knee-jerk reaction, I answered Him: “Sure, You can have my husband–as long as You don’t take him.”

You see, I’d read the stories–all those amazing stories of women who’d learned contentment in singleness only to have God “surprise” them with a spouse. That I could take.

But that wasn’t what God was asking. He asked me again. “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”

I wrestled with God’s question for months. I begged Him to rescind the question. I tried to bargain with Him. He would have none of it. He only repeated His question: “Rebekah, will you give Me your husband?”

And, after months of wrestling, I made my decision. I didn’t want to give God my husband, but I chose to do it.

I willed to give God my husband.

Love Month

Embracing the “Gift”

February 6, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

“Yay…just what I always wanted,” you think sarcastically as you inventory this year’s Christmas gifts. Textbooks from your parents. A completely-not-your-style sweater from your sister. Deodorant from your obnoxious little brother. And another year of singleness. “Thanks, God, but I was really hoping for a ring this year. Didn’t I tell you that’s what I wanted LAST year?”

If you’ve been there, you’re not alone. I’ve been there many a year. It’s been more than one year that I’ve made my list on December 31–plenty enough time for God to arrange for me to get me the item that tops the list. A husband. That’s what I want for Christmas. And I’m giving you twelve months to find one. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? Especially not for God.

But then Christmas rolls around and I unwrap my gifts, and self-pity hits when I realize that once again, God’s chosen to give me…singleness.

Singleness? Are you serious? Yep, He’s serious. HE seems to really think a lot of it, even if I didn’t.

I’ve been a reluctant recipient of the gift of singleness for many a year, but by God’s grace, He’s helped me to begin to embrace this thing that He calls a “gift” but that I’m all too wont to call a “burden”.

Love Month

Accepting the proposal

February 5, 2010 Leave a comment by bekahcubed

I wrote a half-dozen “Love Month” posts before I figured out in my head how exactly I wanted to lay out this whole “Love Month” deal.

And I’m sure some of you are thinking “What the–”

It’s not the standard way to begin a discussion of love and dating and “relationships”.

But I am convinced that it’s the only way to do love, dating, and relationships right. We can’t understand love unless we know the love of God (“By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” I John 3:16) We can’t find a mate without the express favor of the Lord (“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22) And we certainly can’t figure out how to be married properly without knowing Christ’s love for His bride (“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…” Ephesians 5:25)

I’ve begun the discussion of relationships with a discussion of the most important love relationship in ANY person’s life, whether single, married, or (as my mom put it in a comment a few days back) “somewhere in between”. Unless we are actively participating in THAT relationship, all of our other (human) relationships are merely play-acting, like little girls dressing up in high heels and pretending to be married, haranguing their imaginary husbands on the phone.

Beginning tomorrow, we’re going to shift gears a bit–but I don’t want us to shift focus. All of what we speak about in the upcoming month–in fact, all that we speak about for the rest of our lives–should be placed into perspective by placing it into the context of Christ and His great love for us.

Because this concept–no, not a concept. Because this relationship is so vital to our understanding of the next several weeks’ discussion, I want to make sure that you have an opportunity to become a part of this relationship.

The Bible makes it plain that all of us were born into slavery to sin.

“All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;”
Isaiah 53:6

“…they are all under sin.”
Romans 3:9

As slaves to sin, we deserved only death.

“For the wages of sin is death…”
Romans 6:23

We were cut off from relationship with God.

“But your iniquities have separated you from your God.”
Isaiah 59:2

In fact, we were practicing open rebellion against God.

“Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be.”
Romans 8:7

Yet God loved us nonetheless and pursued a love relationship with us. He pursued us even to the point of laying down His life for us, dying in our place.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8

Having taken the punishment for our sins, He now offers us freedom from bondage to sin–and an invitation into a love relationship with Him. He has done all the work, has presented His proposal. We have only to accept His gift and enter into the love relationship with Him.

Will you accept His proposal?

Maybe you’ve already believed in Jesus Christ for salvation, but that’s as far as you’ve gone. You’ve seen salvation as “fire insurance”, but haven’t truly entered into a love relationship with Christ. He still desires that relationship–He paid the price for that relationship.

Will you accept His proposal?

I urge you to spend some time with God, tell Him that you accept His proposal. Enter into that relationship.

That relationship will change your life.

It has certainly changed mine.

Love Month

Beloved

February 4, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

My friend (and roommate) Casandra, mentioned the Tenth Avenue North song “Beloved” in reference to my last Love Month post. I’d never heard it before, so I looked it up on YouTube–and discovered that it is indeed pretty sweet (and applicable).

Love Month

The Errant Bride

February 4, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

The New Testament picture of Christ’s pursuit of the church seems tame perhaps (except for the heart wrenching climax where Christ lays down His life for the bride and then rises again to betroth Himself to her–okay, so maybe it isn’t so tame after all!)

But the Old Testament gives us another example of God as husband, as lover, as pursuer–this time, of Israel, who happens to be an errant bride. While the New Testament story focuses on Christ’s courtship of the church, the Old Testament story tells us more about the bride, the bride who continually turns her back on her husband to pursue other lovers.

Let’s hear the story as told by God through Ezekiel’s mouth. Israel was an abandoned daughter, born and left to die in an open field, with the umbilical cord uncut, struggling in her blood. God took pity on the foundling daughter and spoke life into her, and cared for her through her growing up years. “When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine.” (Ezekiel 16:8) God married Israel, washed her, anointed her with oil, clothed her with the best, fed her with the best–and she became renowned as the beautiful bride of the great King.

Yet this bride let her beauty go to her head, and began to accept the advances of the men who wooed her. She slept with all and sundry, giving to her lovers the beauty and the clothing and the food that her husband had given her. She even took her children, God’s children, and sacrificed them to her lovers.

No longer satisfied with the men who came to gaze upon her, she now went out actively, pursuing new lovers. A brazen harlot already, she sunk to new depths, paying men to have sex with her.

And God was angry with a holy anger. His rage burned against His wife who had played the harlot with many men. In His anger and His jealousy, He brought judgment upon her.

But yet, even then, His love for His errant bride is unabated. He calls their marriage covenant to mind and reestablishes the covenant again. He provides atonement for her sins.

Hosea tells the same story, but with added detail. Israel, the harlot, has gone after her many lovers–and each time she strays, God pursues her to bring her back.

She claims that her lovers are the source of her food and clothing and goods–even though it is her husband, God Himself, who has provided all these things. So God strips her of them all. He takes away His provision, He frustrates her goals, He dogs her every step. And when she is at the end of herself, come to nothing because of her wickedness, then God says, “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness and speak comfort to her….And it shall be, in that day…that you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer call Me ‘My Master.'” (Hosea 2:14,16)

She returns to her husband for a time–but soon she is back to turning tricks. And again her husband pursues her, tracks her down, even buying her back from the slavery she has sold herself into in her quest to satiate her lust.

Ever the errant bride, she returns again and again to her lovers–but her Husband, ever faithful, pursues her again.

Love Month

Beyond the Fairy Tale

February 3, 2010 3 Comments by bekahcubed

So you get my point about the fairy tales. You can see the sin, fallen-ness, rescue thing. But you’re still skeptical about the whole “Prince and Princess fall in love” bit. You think I’m over-romanticizing the Bible, turning it into a fairy tale.

Sure, I’ve taken some creative liberties with the story of redemption–but the idea of God pursuing us as a man pursues a woman is not new. In fact, it’s found all over Scripture.

Both Jesus and John refer to Christ as being a bridegroom.

When some people came to John, telling him about how Jesus was baptizing people and how people were coming to Him, John responded without jealousy: “He who has the bride is the bridegroom, but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled.” (John 3:29) John likens himself to the best man at a wedding where Jesus is the groom. John is ecstatic that the groom has arrived and the wedding approaches.

When others complained to Jesus that His disciples did not fast like the disciples of John did, Jesus answered, “Can you make the friends of the bridegroom fast while the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them; then they will fast in those days.” (Luke 5:34-35) Jesus asks, “Why would you make the groomsmen fast during the celebration leading up to the wedding? When the groom leaves, then the groomsmen will fast.” It is clear that Jesus is speaking of Himself as the bridegroom, and His disciples as the groomsmen.

Paul also picks up this theme in I Corinthians 11:2 “For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present as a chaste virgin to Christ.” Like a father, or perhaps a matchmaker, who has arranged a match between Christ and the Corinthian church, Paul is rooting for the relationship to work. He speaks of his fear that somehow the bride will call off the match, “falling in love” with another man.

Let’s put the pieces together. We have Jesus, arriving on the scene, announcing that He is a bridegroom. He has paid a great bride-price, laying down His own life. The church is now betrothed to Christ–and Jesus has ascended to heaven. “In My Father’s house are many mansions….I go to prepare a place for you.” (John 14:2) Jesus is now in heaven, preparing the place for His bride–but He has promised that He will return. “I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.” (John 14:3)

The very end of Revelation tells the end of this glorious story. “‘Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.’ And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints….’Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'” (Revelation 19:7-9)

Someday, the home shall be prepared, the groom shall return, the bride and the marriage supper shall be ready, and the story will draw to a close. The happily ever after will begin. Until that day, we–the church, the bride of Christ–wait in eager expectation. “And the spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’ And let him who hears say ‘Come!’….Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!” (Revelation 22:17, 20)

Love Month

Prince Song (2nd Chapter of Acts)

February 2, 2010 3 Comments by bekahcubed

I grew up listening to the 70’s band 2nd Chapter of Acts–and “Prince Song” is one of my favorite of theirs. Take a listen. It’s pretty cool.

I got a brand new story
Though you’ve heard it a time or two,
About a Prince who kissed a girl
Right out of the blue.

Hey this story ain’t no tale to me now,
For the Prince of Peace has
given me life somehow

You know what I mean.

My sleep is over.
I’ve been touched by His fire,
That burns from His eyes
and lifts me higher and higher.

I’ll be forever with Him
right by my side.
He’s coming again
on a white horse He’ll ride.
He’ll clothe me and crown me
and make me His bride.

You know what I mean.
You know what I mean.

Love Month

Do you believe in fairy tales?

February 2, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

A little girl puts on her dress up clothes and dreams of fairy tales come true. She’s Cinderella dancing at the ball with her Prince. She’s Rapunzel letting down her golden locks. She’s Sleeping Beauty awakened at last by true love’s kiss.

A pre-teen tosses her head at the immaturity of the boys around her. She’s old enough now to see that there are many more frogs than princes–but she dreams of her own knight in shining armor.

A high school senior still dreams of fairy tales, but she knows they’re only a dream. Life doesn’t even come close. She’s been groped by a hundred frogs, propositioned by a dozen clods. But nobody’s coming to whisk her from this world. She escapes into romance novels and chick flicks.

A thirty year old woman scorns her childish fantasies. Fairy tales. Figments of her imagination. They’re not worth believing in. There are no fairies for her, just like there’s been no Prince Charming. She’s done with fairy tales. She’ll make her own way now.

From our earliest childhood, fairy tales awakened in us universal longings. The longing for love, the longing for pursuit, the longing for rescue from the world that’s turned against us. At least, those are some of the longings fairy tales awake in me. But more than just awakening longings, fairy tales promised the fulfillment of those longing. A prince who loves me, who pursues me, who rescues me from the world turned against me.

Dreaming of this prince, we wait for our fairy tale–only to be disappointed when we find that life–well, life isn’t a fairy tale.

Disillusioned adults decry the fairy tale. It only sets girls up for disappointment. They replace the tales with feminist fables, stories of daring girls who need no man. But little girls still love their fairy tales.

Fairy tales are found in every culture–some of them surprisingly similar. Think of the thousands of variations on Cinderella you’ve heard or seen, in stories and movies. Fairy tales, despite seeming far from reality, are somehow an integral part of the human psyche.

Why do you think this is? Why do we continue to fall for the fairy tale when we see it so rarely in “real life”?

I’ve got a guess. I think we love fairy tales because, ultimately, fairy tales tell the story of God’s pursuit of us. The problem comes, the disillusionment begins when we seek the fulfillment of our fairy tales in man.

You’re skeptical. I can see it. Well, let me tell you a story–a Cinderella story if you will.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was enslaved inside her own father’s house. When the king issued an invitation to a ball He was holding for His Son, the girl wanted to go. But even her best efforts to produce a suitable ball gown resulted only in filthy rags. The girl cried in frustration–but even while she was still crying, who should appear but God-the-Father, who clothed her in a beautiful garment and presented her to His Son.

Too far-fetched, you say?

Well, how about the one about the innocent girl who disobeyed her guardians’ instructions and took an apple from a stranger? It looked good, but when the girl bit into the apple, it only brought her death. For years, she lay there, under the shadow of death, sleeping under the apple’s curse. But then one day, a prince came and saw the girl and loved her. He kissed her, freeing her from the curse.

Still sounds a bit outlandish?

What about the one where a beautiful maiden is locked in a high tower at the beck and call of a wicked witch. The witch uses the maiden’s beauty against her. But a Prince sees the beautiful maiden and falls in love with her. He purposes to destroy the witch and to release the maiden. At first, it appears that He had lost His quest, that the witch had gained power over Him–but in the end, He defeats the witch and takes the maiden to be His bride.

Do you begin to see the picture–the universal themes found in fairy tales? They echo a far greater tale, a tale that is no fairy tale. A God-tale.

For we, all of humanity, you and I, had an enemy who took us into slavery, partly by cunning, partly by our own foolishness and rebellion. Since that day, we have been enslaved, as dead, trapped under a curse, helpless to deliver ourselves. Yet, at just the right time, a Prince, the Son of the King, saw us and desired us. He saw beauty in us, despite our fallen state–and He resolved to break the curse.

At great cost to Himself, the Prince took on our captor, came face to face with our curse, and delivered us from slavery and certain death. Having done so, He betrothed us to Himself–and now eagerly awaits the consummation of that marriage.

I believe in fairy tales because I’m living one. My Prince has found me, has freed me, has betrothed Himself to me. I’m living a fairy tale–a fairy tale halfway between here and heaven.

Love Month

Only Human

February 1, 2010 2 Comments by bekahcubed

A reminder for all the ladies out there: Even the most amazing man on earth is still only human. He can’t meet all your needs. He can’t fill all your holes. He can’t love you like you desire. It’s not necessarily that he doesn’t want to. It’s that he CAN’T. He’s only human.

And for the guys? Even the most amazing woman out there is still only human. She can’t supply what’s lacking in you. She can’t respect you like you desire. She can’t meet all your needs. It’s not necessarily that she doesn’t want to. It’s that she CAN’T. She’s only human.

It’s sad news for those of us who have bought into the romantic notion that satisfaction can be found in the perfect love relationship. We think that if only we had the right guy (or gal), we’d be content, we’d be happy, we’d be satisfied.

But contentment can’t be found in any man on earth. Happiness can’t be found in any man on earth. Satisfaction can’t be found in any man on earth. Because any man on earth is only human.

The good news is, there is a man who is more than just human. There is a man who can perfectly satisfy our every need and desire. There is a man who can fill your every longing. There is such a man, a man who is more than just human–but He can’t be found on this earth.

John 1 speaks of this man saying “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God….And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:1,14)

Jesus Christ is fully human, but not only human. He is also fully God. (And the Word WAS God.)

While any man (or woman) on this earth will disappoint, Jesus Christ never will. He promises to “never leave you or forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) Nothing can separate you from His love (Romans 8:38-39). He will “supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19) And, He “who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)

Fully God and fully man, Jesus Christ is the only one who will never disappoint.

As we begin our discussion of relationships, I’d like to start with a discussion of the MOST important relationship we can have–the relationship that puts everything else in perspective. I’d like to ground our whole discussion in relationship with Christ.

Because if you are looking for satisfaction in any other human, you will be disappointed. Today, and throughout this “Love Month”, I encourage you to seek satisfaction in the only man who is NOT only human–seek and find your satisfaction in Christ. He will never disappoint.

Love Month

Talking Back: Love Month

February 1, 2010 1 Comment by bekahcubed

I’ve written before of my distaste for youth group “Love Month” and all that implies. When February rolls around, I generally find myself in a high dudgeon about something or the other–and spurting out bits and pieces of my thoughts to various and sundry.

But despite a dozen years or so’s experience with “Love Month”, I’ve never undertaken to organize my own thoughts on the matter in any comprehensive sense.

Well, no longer. Presenting…

This month in addition to some regular posts (about life, learning, and my Lord), I’ll be posting a whole glut of “Love Month” posts on such topics as:

The “gift” of singleness
Guarding our hearts
Female porn and the “M” word
No regret dating
Modesty
Myths about marriage
and much more

My goal in this “Love Month” is three-fold. First, I want to organize and share some of the things I’ve learned about male/female relationships and about singleness in my quarter century of experience as a single woman (okay, so I spent the first 6 years or so of my life oblivious to boys–still…) Second, I want to “talk back” at some of the well-meaning (or not so well meaning) myths that were promoted in the “love months” of my youth. And third, I want to encourage thought and dialogue about the various issues that affect us as we consider singleness, dating, marriage, and all the opposite sex relationships in between.

I invite you to join me on this journey as I take a look at what I think (and more importantly, what God thinks) about those “lovey-dovey” topics. And as you join me, I encourage you to do more than just read along. I encourage you to think along with me, to explore Scripture and experience along with me, to dialogue with your friends and family members (I love to discuss my theories on relationships with my mom), and to join the conversation by posting comments.

Undoubtedly, you’ll find yourself frustrated at some of the things I say–just like I have often found myself frustrated at the contents of youth group “love months.” But, here I offer you an opportunity to do more than just listen–I offer you an opportunity to talk back, to raise your objections, to discuss your thoughts. Please take the opportunity. Let’s make this a “love month” like no other–a love month that draws us closer into relationship with Christ and leads us towards a better understanding of how to live holy lives in whatever state we find ourselves.

**A note for married folk, men, and others unlike me: Please do us all a favor, and join in the discussion as well, adding your thoughts and perspectives. While I have plenty of experience with singleness, I have no experience with marriage ;-) And while I have lots of experience with being a girl, I am completely devoid of experience with boys (Wait. That’s not what I meant. I have plenty of experience with boys. Except that’s not what I meant either. I meant to say that I have no experience being a boy.) You can help me (and other readers) out by sharing what you know and have learned from your unique perspective(s).**