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Categories Faith, Reflections

Restructuring my Self-Talk

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Self-talk is a common psychological phrase referring to the continual inner dialogue a person has with themselves. Self-talk often takes the form of depreciating remarks–“I can’t believe I just said that” “What were you thinking?” “You are such a loser.”

Psychologists find this type of inner dialogue to be self-defeating. The continual negative dialogue leads to increasingly negative attitudes and behavior towards oneself and others. Because of this, psychologists encourage their clients to replace this negative self-talk with positive affirmations via a process referred to as “cognitive restructuring”.

A prime example of positive affirmation comes from the children’s story “The Little Engine that Could.” The little engine believed that he could make the trek up the long hill–and told himself so, even as the circumstances became more and more difficult. “I think I can, I think I can,” the little engine said. And bolstered by his own unwavering faith in himself, the little engine made it up the hill. Had the engine’s self-talk said “I don’t think I can, I don’t think I can”, it’s likely he would have given up before he had a chance to see whether he really could or not. Or so the theory goes.

Personally, I’m a big fan of cognitive restructuring–but not so big a fan of positive affirmations.

You see, I find cognitive restructuring (the process to replacing incorrect thoughts and attitudes with truth) to be entirely Biblical. Romans 12:2 speaks of not being conformed to this world, but of being transformed “by the renewing of your mind”. I Corinthians 10:5 tells us to destroy arguments and every high thing that sets itself up against the knowledge of Christ and to “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” So, thought-control is certainly a Biblical concept.

But I still have a problem with positive affirmations. Why? Because oftentimes, instead of replacing falsehood with truth, we replace falsehood with falsehood. Positive affirmation, by itself, serves only to inflate the ego and give us an overly-optimistic idea of our own importance.

Instead of positive affirmations, then, I am a fan of bringing my thoughts into line with the Word of God. So, when I am engaging in a bout of self-condemnation, I stop and remind myself that “there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). When I’m full of my self, I stop and remind myself to not think of myself more highly than I ought (Romans 12:8).

And then, there are the times when I have to take David’s approach and simply tell my soul what is what. “Why are you downcast, o my soul? Put your hope in GOD!” (Psalm 42:5)

Sometimes I just have to tell my heart what to think, what to feel, what to believe.

Like yesterday, when I wrote in my journal: “O heart of mine, trust in the Lord. O heart of mine, lean on His counsel. O heart of mine, be still today. Be still and know that He is God.”

Categories Everyday Life, Reflections

Christmas Sweater Confession

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Ugly Christmas Sweater parties exist in profusion–a chance for everyone to go to the used store and pick up the most hideous Christmas sweater imaginable and wear it to make fun of those fashion-foolish folks who don’t realize that Christmas sweaters are so totally, like, never.

I do not belong to the fashion-foolish. I understand the ridicule directed towards Christmas sweaters. The critics are correct–Christmas sweaters are kitschy, often tacky, rarely flattering–but I love them nonetheless.

Once upon a time, I owned a dozen or so Christmas sweaters–and you could rarely find me without one in the month of December. They’re warm, they’re festive, and they’re fun–what could be better?

I’ve gotten rid of many of my Christmas sweaters because they were beginning to break down from overuse. Threads were coming free, sequins were coming off, ribbons were fraying. I had done all the repairs I could, and now it was time to let them go.

Now my collection is sparse–one solitary sweater, one sweatshirt, one turtleneck, one cardigan. I wish I had more, but shame and a certain fear that I won’t be thought professional if I wear a Christmas sweater keep me from indulging my inner yearnings.

I long for the day, some fifteen, twenty years from now, when I can channel my inner 40-year-old woman and wear Christmas sweaters without anyone thinking something’s amiss. Someday, I will be old enough that people will peg me as clueless rather than simply fashion-inept.

Except that by the time I’m 40, everyone who’s 40 should be aware of the atrocities that are Christmas sweaters.

So, for now, I wear my Christmas sweaters conservatively, as tastefully as they can be done–and I privately apologize to my favorite sweater as I pull it on for an “ugly sweater party”.

Check out some “Ugly Christmas Sweaters” at these online collections. Or, you can create your very own custom holiday sweater. Personally, though, I recommend the used stores–you can find a nice combination of factory-made and home-crafted articles (and you can get them for much cheaper than at some of these “specialty” stores online.)

Categories Everyday Life

No Shave November No Longer

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“From the way I’m acting, you’d think I was pulling out my hair by the roots,” I told my sister Tuesday evening.

She only laughed.

Because, actually, that’s exactly what I was doing.

After a month of not shaving my legs, my hair was the requisite 1/4″ to 1/2″ long–and I was ready to wax.

I’ve waxed before, using Nair’s roll-on wax. But at six dollars or so per bottle and needing at LEAST two bottles (I’ve got very long, very hairy legs), Nair can get expensive quickly.

So this time, I decided to sugar instead. I made my own sugaring mix using 2 cups of sugar to 1/8 cup of water and 1/8 cup of lemon juice. I heat it all up on the stove until everything was dissolved and then let it cool down so it wouldn’t burn my skin.

The waxing process is simple, but time consuming. Spread the wax evenly on your skin, in the direction of hair growth, with a wooden popsicle stick. Press a strip of fabric over top the wax (I used ripped strips from an old sheet I got through Freecycle.) Then, grab hold of the strip and rip it off–this time in the direction OPPOSITE hair growth.

And try not to scream.

That’s the hard part.

Why do I do it? Why does anyone do it?

The disadvantages are many, the advantages few. But somehow, I do it anyway. It takes forever, it’s painful, often it leaves little micro-bruises all over. But the lure of being hairless for weeks is enough to keep me trying. And now that I’m making my own sugaring solution, it’s cheap too.

Pain is a small price when beauty’s the gain.

What are some of the most ridiculous sacrifices YOU’VE made in the pursuit of beauty?

Categories Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday: Cold Day Comforts

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Today I’m thankful…

  • for an electric blanket that keeps me warm on Winter’s cold nights
  • for a new pair of fuzzy yoga pants for bedtime wear
  • for leg warmers to slip under my boots (why do shoemaker’s think that just because you’ve got big feet you’ll have huge calves? Oh well, I guess it’s to my advantage that I can fit my leg warmers on UNDER my boots rather than having to go over)
  • for a mug of hot chocolate in my hands
  • for a homemade Christmas station on Pandora radio to get me into the Christmas mood
  • for a schedule today that only requires one outing (to the library–got a coupla dozen books to return)
  • for hot leftover soup
  • that the Lord’s mercies are new every morning

Praise the LORD from the earth,
You great sea creatures and all the depths;
Fire and hail, snow and clouds;
Stormy wind, fulfilling His word;
Mountains and all hills;
Fruitful trees and all cedars;
Beasts and all cattle;
Creeping things and flying fowl;
Kings of the earth and all peoples;
Princes and all judges of the earth;
Both young men and maidens;
Old men and children.
Let them praise the name of the LORD,
For His name alone is exalted;
His glory is above the earth and heaven.

Psalm 148:7-13 (NKJV)

Categories Everyday Life

No Shave November

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I don’t know how long the No Shave November thing has been going on. I first became aware of it five or so years ago when it seemed like all the guys at the University sprouted facial hair overnight.

According to the No Shave November site, there are several advantages of joining the phenomenon:

1. Be part of the “in” crowd by doing what all the cool kids are doing.
2. Real women like real men.
3. Save money on shaving cream, razors and other accoutrement.
4. Save time getting ready in the morning.

Nowhere in this site does it mention the advantages of no-shave November for WOMEN. The question is, can women still be a part of the “in” crowd if they fail to shave their legs? Do real men cringe at the thought of a “real woman” (legs au naturale)? Does not shaving save hassle or create it?

Naturally, I was curious to discover the answers to these questions. So I participated in my own form of No-Shave November by vowing off shaving my legs. I discovered that, as long as my legs are covered, no one knows whether I’ve shaved or not–and who bares their legs on a regular basis in November? Thanks to long skirts, slacks, and tights, I never experienced the ostracism that might otherwise have occurred due to my bristle. But trial runs of exposing part of my legs to friends and family revealed that few are fans of legs au naturale. My dad and brothers were most repulsed–although one brother chose to “play along” and compare leg hair with me.

As far as the hassle saved? Priceless. I saved at least ten minutes daily–leaving ten extra minutes available for reading. No Shave November was probably the one single factor most responsible for keeping me sane throughout the month of November.

Official decision? Not shaving (or shaving less often) is certainly a viable option for women during the winter months when they are unlikely to bare their legs. Doing so may save women time and money, without causing undue social ostracism. (Of course, I speak as an unmarried woman–married ladies might want to take their husband’s opinion into account ;-) ).

But, the best part of No Shave November is that I’ve grown my leg hair long enough that I can participate in that sadomasochistic act of female beautification: waxing. Tune in later for “No Shave November No Longer: on waxing.”

Categories Reflections

Head to head, Heart to heart

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LCF’s ladies’ Sunday school is going through “Wising Up”–a Beth Moore study on Proverbs. In our last session, Beth talked about the difference between acquaintance and friend.

She said that maybe a lot of people we call friends are actually acquaintances–people we communicate with on a head to head level, but never on a heart to heart level.

Which got me thinking.

I’m a head person–I like to think, I like to discuss, I like to debate. I like ideas–and interacting with people about them.

While I have certainly coveted heart-to-heart relationships in the past, I find unrelenting heart-to-heart exhausting and unfulfilling. Give me a good head-to-head though… I rarely grow tired.

I’ve spent almost ten solid hours talking politics with a friend an acquaintance. I’ve spent hours talking medicine with others. Head to head is my forte.

The hard part is where there’s a kindred-ness of heart without a kindred-ness of mind.

Beth Moore spoke of friends as being people who you can be with without setting a “stage.” We “stage” our encounters with acquaintances by choosing to “do something” or “meet somewhere”. The stage is the movie, or the restaurant, or whatever.

But therein lies my difficulty with Moore’s system of classification. According to her, an acquaintance is someone you interact with on a head-to-head level in a staged environment, while a friend is someone you interact with on a heart-to-heart level in an unstaged environment. My experience is different. My experience has been that both head-to-head and heart-to-heart relationships require stages. It is only when head-to-head AND heart-to-heart relationships coexist that the relationship can be truly unstaged.

I have great friends (or perhaps it’s acquaintances). Either way, I truly enjoy the people I spend time around.

But I long for a connection that goes beyond the one-sided exchange I live in so often. Either we connect head to head or we connect heart to heart–and neither the twain shall meet.

I long for a dual connection–a friend that I can share my heart with, whose heart is shared with me, a friend that I can share my brain with, whose brain is shared with me. Someone I can dream with, someone I can discuss things with, someone I can do things with, someone I can do nothing with. This is the kind of friendship I desire.

Is it possible on this side of heaven? Is such a whole-person union to be found? I don’t know. But still I dream. I dream of giving my whole self to someone and receiving that someone’s whole self in return.

A romantic notion? Certainly. An impossible notion? I certainly hope not.

Categories Family & Friends, Thankful Thursday

Thankfullest Thursday: Family

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Today I’m thankful for the amazing family God has blessed me with–and the fantastic day I was able to spend with them.

I’m thankful for…

  • A table full of all my favorite foods
  • A dinner-table discussion of the laws of thermodynamics (okay, so we’re all nerds)
  • Fun songs on the improvised radio on the way to clean the church
  • A quick church cleaning expedition-in which we got all the vacuuming done in record time, to the sounds of rock on the overhead, John singing “Figaro”, and Dad singing “Scrub another toilet, scrub a toilet next to you…”
  • A relaxing afternoon reading and watching my brothers “Dance Praise”–da da da, da da-da-da DAH.
  • A lesson in internet stalking from my father, the master–although I’m a halfway decent pupil :-)
  • More good food with my aunt and uncle and their crew
  • A great discussion on the proper place for prophesy, the Biblical definition of prophesy, the state of education in the state of California, fraud in major ministries, the Bible answer man, and the politics of global warming.
  • A new name for the Daniel-Debbie phenomenon (still upset that he hasn’t given her a ring yet). We’re calling them “Danby” (a la Support Your Local Sheriff) instead of the earlier “Debuel”.
  • A satisfactory conclusion to the question “How are we getting to Aunt Martha’s tomorrow?”
  • A family debate over the name for Mom’s new car. Wanna weigh in? Top contenders are the “Maroon Prune” or the “Burgundy Bomb”. Let me know what you think.

For this and so much more, O Lord, I give Thee thanks.

Categories What's on Your Nightstand?

What’s on Your Nightstand?

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It’s time for 5 Minutes 4 Books’ monthly meme. Check out what I had on my nightstand last month.

What's on Your Nightstand?

What I actually read was:

Fiction

  • The Trials of the Honorable F. Darcy by Sara Angelini
    I do not recommend this title. It had a neat concept to start, but quickly degraded into a s.ex novel.
  • When Calls the Heart by Janette Oke
    It’s been a while since I read the Canadian West series–I don’t remember being too impressed with them when I read them as a pre-teen. I’m inclined to think now that these might be among Oke’s best works.
  • The Carousel Painter by Judith Miller
    This is the first work I’ve read by Judith Miller and I’ll definitely be going back for more. The “historical” part was detailed enough to be informative, but understated enough to not bog down the reader.
  • The Measure of a Lady by Deeanne Gist
    I loved this title! Gist honestly portrays desire and denial, respectfully lays out a “moral”, AND simultaneously tells a good story. Not many can do all three. Brava!
  • Barren Corn by Georgette Heyer

Nonfiction

  • Catastrophe by Dick Morris and Eileen McGann
  • Guinness World Records 2010
  • Somebody’s Gotta Say It by Neal Boortz
  • Beyond the Wardrobe: The Official Guide to Narnia
  • A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
  • The Most Brilliant Thoughts of all Time
  • Dave Barry Slept Here

Juvenile

  • Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
  • The Dashwood Sisters’ Secrets of Love by Rosie Rushton
  • Fairest by Gail Carson Levine
  • The Princess Test by Gail Carson Levine
  • The Fairy’s Return by Gail Carson Levine
  • Mystery in the Sand by Gertrude Chandler Warner
  • Mystery of the Flying Express by Franklin W. Dixon
  • 7 picture books by Verna Aardema
  • 17 picture books (Ab-Ad)

On my nightstand for next month, I’ve got:

On my nightstand

Fiction

  • Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes
  • The Gatecrasher by Madeleine Wickham
  • The Good Nearby by Nancy Moser
  • When Comes the Spring by Janette Oke

Nonfiction

  • Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Healthiness by Dean Edell
  • Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon
  • Cultural and Historical Allusions by Sylvia Cole
  • Books: a memoir by Larry McMurtry
  • The Art of Conversation by Catherine Blyth
  • Everyman’s Library Pocket Poets Christmas Poems
  • Michael Hague’s Family Christmas Treasury
  • PC Magazine Digital SLR Photography Solutions

Juvenile

  • Princess Sonora and the Long Sleep by Gail Carson Levine
  • Cinderellis and the Glass Hill by Gail Carson Levine
  • Fairy Dust and the Quest for the Egg by Gail Carson Levine
  • Mystery Behind the Wall by Gertrude Chandler Warner

Don’t forget to stop by 5 Minutes 4 Books for more.

Categories Following Christ, Reflections

Satisfaction in Christ

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From Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby:

If you knew all you had was a relationship with God, would you be totally and completely satisfied? Many people would say, “I would like to have that relationship, but I would also like to do something” or “I would like for Him to give me a ministry or something to do.” We are a doing people. We feel worthless of useless if we are not busy doing something. Scripture leads us to understand that God is saying, “I want you to love Me above everything else. When you are in a relationship of love with Me, you have everything there is.” To be loved by God is the highest relationship, the greatest achievement, and the noblest position in life.

And such is my struggle. I seek to be content in my circumstances only to find them changing. I speak of learning contentment in my singleness–and then something happens and I’m fighting that battle all over again. I speak of learning contentment in school–and then something happens and I go over the same road again. Because learning to be content in my circumstances only lasts as long as my circumstances last. (Not long!)

Perhaps the problem is that I’m seeking contentment in my circumstances rather than satisfaction in Christ.

If I am satisfied in Christ, then regardless of my circumstances, He is my all. If I am satisfied in Christ, everything else is just an extra. If I’m satisfied in Christ, those external circumstances have no bearing on my contentment.

Paul says “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.” (Phil 4:11) How can he learn contentment in every state except that his contentment is found outside of his state? Contentment is found in Christ.

I was reflecting on Psalm 42 this morning: “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And [why] are you disquieted within me? Hope in God.” I’ve often thought of “Hope” as being the main word of those verses. Hope. Hope. Hope. Yet I realized this morning that “hope” is not the key word, “in God” is the key phrase.

What is hope unless it is placed in the right someone? It’s an empty campaign slogan.

My satisfaction, my hope must be found in Christ alone.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

Categories Following Christ, Reflections

Expecting guests

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We’re expecting guests for our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow noon–sixty-five guests, to be exact.

The Life Groups delivered bags of food to several families from our community who were in need–and followed up with an invitation to dinner tomorrow at church. Eleven families have confirmed that they will be there–about 65 people.

Pastor Jason sent out the word so everyone could prepare. The women were urged to bring extra food; Pastor Jeremy went into overdrive trying to find enough workers to handle the 40 extra children that we expect in children’s church.

I hadn’t signed up to bring anything–but I’d planned on doing it anyway. This news means I amped up my preparations. A 9×13″ fruited jello salad sits in my refrigerator. Five pounds of potatoes are sliced and in the crockpot on low overnight for mashed potatoes. And three pounds of onions are in another crockpot on low overnight–caramelized onions to (hopefully) cover the taste of the (in my opinion, awful) turkey the church is buying.

I accidentally sliced one of my fingernails in my preparations, and now my hands reek of onions. But I can’t help but be excited. We’ve got houseguests coming tomorrow and everything must be ready.

A thousand thoughts start to dance through my head. Is the nursery prepared? Has Debbie thought of it? Did Tracy find someone else to help me cut desserts? Joanna’s scheduled for the nursery. Is her helper reliable? What if they come for Sunday School? Is John prepared for extra kids? He just started teaching the kid’s Sunday School–I hope everything will work out fine. Just a minute, am I scheduled to be in the nursery during Sunday School? I don’t know, I don’t remember, we’ve had so many re-schedules this month. Tracy said she knew for sure that I wasn’t in the nursery for the service. So that at least is good. But what about…

My thoughts run on and on. I want us to make a good impression. I want them to be welcome. I want for us to show them love. I want for there to be plenty of food. I want for their children to be excited. I want for the parents to feel relaxed. I want them to be blessed.

Houseguests, strangers, walking through our doors. We offer them food because we want them to have life. I want them to taste and see that the Lord is good–and come back for another bite.